Last week on the cumbersomely titled Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious, the girls attempted to perform random pop songs without making fools of themselves.  Alexis got the boot for ensuring that her rendition of Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" was completely bland and forgettable.  In the loft, all of the girls made fun of Ilisa for being weird and too "tomboylicious," then immediately felt terrible when she revealed that she has a heart condition that once caused her to die for a short period of time.  The girls then, of course, pretended as though they loved her all along, even though they totally didn't.

Tonight's episode steals a page out of the America's Next Top Model playbook and gives all the girls makeovers!  Will Robin Antin hand out weaves like they're candy in the same way that Tyra Banks does?

Tonight's episode kicks off with Robin telling the girls the theme of the week: style.  The girls have to be able to work with what they're given, and this week they'll be given disco songs to perform for the judges.  Chrystina, Tiffanie, Jenna, and Carrie will have to perform "Dim All the Lights" by Donna Summer.  Charlye, Nichole, and Natalie will sing "Take Your Time" by The SOS Band, and for some reason they have to do it on roller skates.  Obviously Robin hates them and wants to see them suffer.  Last but not least, Cassandra, Ilisa, and Jamie will sing Blondie's "Heart of Glass."

Cut to rehearsal.  Though I dig Ilisa's personality quite a bit, the poor girl can't really sing, especially not on a Blondie level.  Neither can Cassandra, which means that "Heart of Glass" might be a train wreck even without roller skates.  As for the Donna Summer group, their biggest problem is the fact that Jenna can't dance.  She moves around like a dead fish, which is something she should probably work on before performing for the judges.

Chrystina doesn't seem to realize that she has little vocal talent.  She was in the bottom two with Alexis last week, but she thinks it was totally undeserved.  She expresses her feelings to Robin, who basically tells her that she has to learn to accept constructive criticism if she wants to make it anywhere.  Mikey Minden advises that she check her head to make sure it's not blowing up like a balloon.

Alright, it's makeover time!  When the girls find out that they're getting makeovers, they react the same way I would if I found out there was a 2-disc special edition DVD of Bugsy Malone coming out:  lots of screaming and crying and dancing around.  After the makeovers, the girls will be going to a red carpet event and doing their best to impress the judges.  Whoever makes the best impression on the red carpet will be safe from elimination.

Jamie gets her hair lightened and immediately hates it and longs to break down in tears.  However, she finds some way to soldier on while complaining the entire time.  The changes for most of the girls really aren't that drastic, and there are no crazy weaves or head shavings like you'd find on Top Model.  There are some bangs here, some highlights there, but overall it's really anticlimactic.  Nobody even cried over their makeover!  I'm disappointed.

The girls go to the red carpet event and get their pictures taken by whatever paparazzi lost a bet that day. Nichole is crowned the winner due to her mad skills in front of the camera.  She thinks that her makeover helped her stand out even though she looks exactly the same.

The next day at rehearsal, Jamie is still complaining about her lightened hair.  As a guy, I really cannot understand why the girls on these shows get so emotional and crazed over changes to their hair.  Seriously, you can change it back!  It's not that big a deal!  If anybody out there is reading this, please explain this madness to me.

It's time for the girls to get discolicious and perform their big numbers for the judges.  The "Take Your Time" girls are up first, and I'm sad to report that nobody falls on their roller skates.  Maybe they can put them on unicycles next week and see what happens.  The performance is actually pretty good, which boggles my mind.  Charlye stood out with her charisma, but Nichole stood out with her vocals.

Now it's time for "Heart of Glass."  This performance is horrendous and awfully skanky, with the girls straddling chairs while they hit all the wrong notes.  Oh my goodness, make it stop so I can queue up the Blondie version on my iTunes and wash this from my brain.  Jamie gets criticized for vanishing during the performance, then starts crying and blames her bad week on her lightened hair.  I wish I could throw a heart of glass right at her head.

Thankfully for my sanity, the "Dim All the Lights" performance is much more impressive.  However, I'm distracted by something I've noticed four weeks running:  Robin Antin always has the same half-smile expression on her face when watching these performances, as though she recently smelled something unidentifiable.  I'm wondering if her face is frozen that way from too much plastic surgery or Botox.

Cassandra and Jamie are in the bottom two for the terrible crimes they committed against "Heart of Glass." Somehow they allow Jamie to stay, meaning that I'll have to hear her complain about her hair for at least another week.  Cassandra goes home for not having enough vocal prowess.  It looks like Blondie has shattered yet another fragile heart.



- Don Williams, BuddyTV Staff Columnist
(Image courtesy of the CW)