This week, Pretty Little Liars
is full of more truth and untruths as the girls try to untangle the lie-spaghetti they've been served up. "The truth is like a big bowl of spaghetti that's all tangled. Have you ever untangled spaghetti?" Hanna asks Caleb at one point in the episode. Leave it up to Hanna to make a pained metaphor using pasta. What is it with Hanna's family and their obsession with pasta? Their carbs are always filled with secrets, lies and stolen cash.
Meanwhile, Emily freaks out because everyone is being so nice to her, due to her status as girlfriend Kryptonite. Spencer plays Nancy Drew with Melissa's medical records and finds out some disturbing pregnancy facts. Aria accompanies Jenna on the piano during her sting operation and wears the most frightening, Aria-esque earrings possible. It's like she killed Sid Vicious and turned him into an arts and craft project hanging from her ears.
Lucas sets small fires at school and skulks around making weird metaphors and generally freaking everyone out. I watch enough Criminal Minds
to know that means he's probably a serial killer. And Mona shows off the range of her lovely voice, going from screaming to singing with ease. She could really have a future in a punk rock band. Maybe Aria can lend her earrings?
It's a big episode with a lot going on, and the lines are particularly amazing. Everyone this week is talking like they're playing some kind of Whose Line Is It Anyway?
game where they need to speak entirely in obscure metaphors. "Life is like a bowl of pasta! Slippery and full of snakes!" "Oh, really? Well, secrets are like icebergs and you're about to hit the Titanic! But unlike Jack, I will let go!" Suddenly, everyone in the entire show is talking like A, which is both hilarious and exhausting.
We've found out some enticing tidbits of information this week and opened some new mysteries about Garrett, Melissa, Jenna, Lucas and Mona. Is anyone not a potential serial killer on this show? But the biggest mystery of all might be whether Hanna will wear more neon colors or sensible blazers this season. I have my money on blazers.
Sour Patch Lucas
Lucas appears to have totally lost it. We can tell because he's apparently given up showering and wearing real clothes. Now he just skulks around in a grey sweatsuit setting fire to things, like the first 20 minutes of a horror movie before the main character gets a chainsaw and a ski mask. Hanna confronts him about his weird behavior, and he just says a bunch of things that are vague but also threatening and then leaves her a small garbage can fire, like the hobo he's turning into.
So Hanna tells Caleb that she likes the sweet Lucas better, and Caleb thinks maybe Lucas is going through a bad boy phase. I'm pretty sure you get a leather jacket and a motorcycle during a normal bad boy phase, not arson tendencies. When Caleb tries to talk some sense into him, Lucas just says a lot of stuff about icebergs and buried secret-junk, and it's all very confusing and not as threatening as he seems to think it is.
Later, Hanna sees Lucas visiting Mona. Why? He said he wants to check and see if Mona is faking. "It might be better for a lot of people if Mona stays crazy," he says creepily. Then he stalks off into the night, probably to go visit the set of Breaking Bad
where his look would feel more at home. "I'm the one who texts!" he could yell into the phone, Walter White-style. (Is there a lot of crossover, audience-wise, between Pretty Little Liars
and Breaking Bad
? Sorry if no one else gets that reference!)
Speaking of Mona, she's awfully chipper this week. No more stabbing herself with tweezers or smiling at invisible Alison. Instead, she's showing the girls in Radley her fashion magazines and talking to Hanna about her new meds. Hanna wants to know information on the new texts they're receiving, but Mona plays dumb. She says it's a shame you can't trust anyone, even family. What does that mean? Somehow, I feel the answer to all of the mysteries on this show will come back to pasta. A's probably hiding out in the Marin lasagna box. "Did they ever find what's left of Alison?" Mona creepily asks.
Later, Caleb comes to visit Mona to tell her to stop messing with Hanna. The Mona visits are really driving a wedge in their relationship. Of course, Mona just tells Caleb he was a bad kisser and then screams and screams for a while, so I guess he was pretty terrible at lip locks. Strapped down late at night, Mona holds her Queen of Hearts card and sings quietly to herself.
Emily is having a pretty bad week as well. Not "strapped down to her bed" bad, but she realizes that Ella changed her grade on purpose. This makes her upset, because she realizes people are feeling sorry for her and she's tired of their sympathy. Basically, Emily just spends the entire episode stomping around angry about everything, but because it's Emily, this is all just extremely endearing.
Also, Ezra Fitz: The worst teacher of all time comes to the rescue of Ella. He's like, "Girl, I feel you! You changed a grade, I dated a student! Same difference, right?" And Ella is like, "It's a very good thing you're pretty, because, boy, are you dumb." I want Ella and Ezra to have so many more scenes together, because they are amazing.
What About Baby?
Spencer is still mad about her mom taking on Garrett's case. She's even more upset that Melissa is home and acting just as Melissa as ever, which means she's just floating around the house saying weird stuff and then leaving. When Hanna lets slip with a theory that Melissa's miscarried baby might have been Garrett's, Spencer gets that look in her eye that means it's falsifying medical records time.
She calls up the hospital where Melissa allegedly had her miscarriage and learns that Melissa never stayed there. When she confronts her mother, she finds out what she already knew, which is that Melissa's miscarriage didn't happen when she said it did. But why did Melissa lie?
Driving with Blind Girls 2: The Dangerous Chase
This week, Aria is a secret agent, but not the James Bond kind, more like the Get Smart
variety. She plays accompaniment to Jenna to find out all her fake, blind secrets. While Jenna goes to get some cookies, Aria sees a note for H. Cobb, the reminder to bring earplugs and the time.
So Hanna and Aria get in the blind girl surveillance business and follow Jenna to a doctor's appointment, which turns out to be an excuse for Jenna to grab her fancy vintage car and drive, not-blind, away. They really sent Aria and Hanna on this dangerous mission? Talk about not putting in the A-team.
It turns out H. Cobb is an arms and ammunitions shop, so make your "Jenna's Got a Gun" jokes now, please. Hanna jumps in front of Jenna's car, which seems like a dicey proposition considering her history with being run over. As the liars surround Jenna in an alleyway, she explains she's hiding her sight because someone tried to kill her in the house fire last season. Unrelatedly, seeing Jenna's bright green eyes will never stop being weird to me.
Jenna says she did pick Emily up that night, because she was drunk and crying in the middle of the road. She meant to drop her off by her house, but instead Emily jumped out of the car around 12:30. So if Jenna's to be believed, the mystery of the grave digging continues!
A Tag: This week, A is just hanging out with his or her tooth-fairy inspired arts and craft project, a bottle of vodka and a body bag. Normal stuff!
What did you think of this week's episode? What is Melissa hiding? Are Lucas and Mona working together? Do you believe Jenna? Sound off with your theories in the comments!
Morgan GlennonContributing Writer(Image courtesy of ABC Family)Tune In to Pretty Little Liars on the BuddyTV Guide App and chat with other fans about the episode, and you can also share your thoughts on the episode directly to Facebook and Twitter.