This week on Pretty Little Liars
, all of the liars completely flip out in their own unique ways.
For Spencer, a type-A (puns!) overachiever, this means actually ending up in a mental institution. If you're going to flip out, you might as well commit 100 percent right?
Emily continues playing Nancy Drew, even when every cooler head prevails upon her to let it go. But Emily has started up her side business in fighting crime and can therefore not be bothered with a little thing like common sense.
Hanna, finding a dead cop infinitely harder to shove into a lasagna box, slowly unravels. Her future life of crime is presaged in her fashion choice of leather jackets and business attire with weird spikes. Her outfit looks like what would happen after Sons of Anarchy and Smash spent a drunken night together.
Unlike Spencer, Hanna achieves a zen-like inner peace about her life of crime. "Whatever, we'll just throw this car into a lake and then do some light meditation. The car always sinks Aria; such is the circle of life."
Finally, Aria starts to freak out about the implications of being some little kid's stepmom. While Spencer is going literally crazy, Emily is waiting outside what looks like the first act of Hostel, and Hanna is covering up the murder of a cop, Aria is dealing with a scrape.
This isn't quite 'out damn spot...on the rug!
' but it is perilously close to being the funniest Aria subplot in comparison with the other girls. I say this all the time, but it really does feel like Aria is on another show sometimes.
Is Toby Really Dead?
Obviously the biggest shocker of the night was the revelation that 'A' (or Mona) killed Toby. But is Toby really dead? I mean, would they have killed him off the show without forcing him to take his shirt off one final time?
I always assumed if Toby was going to die it would be in some tragic hot tub accident or he would be accidentally drowned while trying to recreate that one Backstreet Boys music video with all the water. It seems wrong to think such a big, important character would be shuffled off the mortal coil off-screen.
Why didn't Spencer check the corpse's face...or abs? If 'A' magically has control of all alphabet breakfast cereal, I don't see why grabbing a sharpie and drawing on a tattoo is too hard to conceive.
This all happens after Spencer spills the beans to Aria and Emily (and later Hanna, after she finishes chopping Wilden up and storing him in a lasagna box) about Toby's role on the 'A' team. But loose lips sink ships and in Rosewood telling a secret means someone's on the way to the grave. After receiving a funeral bouquet at her front door, Spencer goes about fifty different shades of crazy.
She thinks 'A' is going to head after Emily, and Emily is like "really? That's convenient because I plan to be a super easy target this week!" Apparently Emily has suffered some kind of memory loss or had a frontal lobotomy because suddenly she's acting like Spencer is being crazy to imagine 'A' might be in the murdering mood. Has Emily forgotten about how 'A' has murdered half the town, or at least the half Ashley Marin hasn't run over yet? What would make her think Spencer was being ridiculous?
Emily's on her own quest to prove Toby is innocent, or at least being blackmailed onto the 'A' team. Everyone in the universe is like "oh honey, no" but Emily won't give up. Nothing will hold her back! Not common sense, not her mom's imparted wisdom, not even the police department's dial-up computer connection. She is determined to find Toby, even if it means waiting in what I would generously call 'murder alleyway' for a meeting with him.
As Spencer finds Toby's body in the woods, tries to take Mona out Hunger Games-style, and then boards the crazy train to American Horror Story: Asylum, Emily sees red coat. But when she goes into the warehouse she only sees the guy who stopped by Toby's house earlier, who also mysteriously knows her name.
Back at the car, a package from 'A' tells her Toby is dead and includes a photoshopped funeral program. While Spencer is being found by police in the woods as a Jane Doe and taken to Radley, Emily wonders if Toby really is dead.
And seriously, is he? I refuse to believe it without seeing a face. Why leave on the motorcycle helmet unless you wanted to create an atmosphere of doubt? That could have easily been Wilden's body with a henna tattoo.
What Lies Beneath The Very Shallow Lake
"Just keep calm and keep your head down, see. We've stolen money from little old ladies before and I've personally covered up a grave robbery. You just leave it to me kid." Then Hanna dons her leather jacket, jumps on her Harley, and terrorizes the neighborhood.
In actuality, Hanna just freaks out every time a police car goes by like every innocent person is wont to do. Because all of these girls are so freaked out by everything, all the time, no one notices Hanna curling up into a fetal position every time a police cruiser drives by.
But 'A' isn't about to let Hanna off so easily. Somehow, Wilden's police cruiser and Rosewood police department hat end up in Hanna's garage. Worse still, it's playing an endless loop of Ashley Marin running over Detective Wilden. That is one TV marathon Hanna is not interested in watching.
So somehow she convinces Aria to help her dispose of the car. Did they drive the thing down to the lake? Just two teenage girls, driving a police car all casual-like? I would have paid money to see that.
Hanna is totally zen about sinking murder evidence, having finally reached a stage of criminal enlightenment the rest of the girls have yet to attain.
So Hanna pushes the car into the shallowest lake she could find and they watch the car sink down ever so slowly into the not-very-deep depths. No one will find the car now, says no one.
"I think this might be a bad idea," Aria says without doing anything to stop Hanna. This is why you don't let Hanna and Aria make big decisions.
It's also why you shouldn't let Aria babysit your children. One day they're falling off beds, the next day she's helping them push incriminating evidence into a lake. She's not exactly a sounding board for good ideas, let's put it that way.
Back at home, Ashley Marin has convinced herself Detective Wilden is not only alive but has learned the error of his ways. I call this the Ashley Marin School of Magical Thinking. Like there's a universe where Wilden would see a car barreling at him and leaving for him dead as a wake-up call to be a nicer person? "Now that you've hit me and crushed several of my vital organs, I see that I was wrong."
Hanna washes the lake grime off her hands and then pats her mom affectionately. As the new crime Buddha of Rosewood, Hanna isn't bothered.
Ezra and Maggie decide to leave Malcolm in Aria's capable care, because nothing says responsible person like bedazzling every item of your clothing or wearing a shirt with skulls. Unsurprisingly, Malcolm face plants into the ground when Aria turns her back. This causes Ezra to go all papa bear on Aria.
Aria starts to wonder if Ezra having a kid could be a deal breaker for them. Aria was totally willing to date her high school English teacher, but she didn't sign up to be Julia Roberts in Stepmom. Ella tells Aria not every relationship is built to last forever while Aria cries, realizing her and Fitz might finally be over.
What did you think of tonight's action-packed episode? Are Ezria dunzo? Will they find Wilden's car? What about Spencer in Radley? And is Toby really dead? Share your theories in the comments!
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(Image courtesy of ABC Family)