'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' Recap: Sex, Vows and Twirls
'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' Recap: Sex, Vows and Twirls
Chrissa Hardy
Chrissa Hardy
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
We begin tonight's episode with "the inappropriate question heard 'round the world" from Kenya to Phaedra regarding a hypothetical birthday gift that she hopes to give to Apollo involving what we can only assume is sexual relations. As Phaedra so bluntly puts it, "These are fighting words in my neighborhood." Phaedra makes it clear that she's pissed off and Kenya insists that it's all just for fun.

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Flirty Fool

Really Kenya?! I don't understand how she can expect/demand a proposal when she spends the entire trip flirting with everyone other than Walter. NeNe can tell something is up between them, too. And being NeNe, she calls it out right then and there. She asks Kenya if her relationship is real. Kenya says it is. But NeNe can see that they haven't really been connecting. Kenya steps up and apologizes to Phaedra, while letting her know that she does respect her and Apollo's marriage. Phaedra accepts her apology, but not without a bit of an icy tone that lets Kenya know, no more.

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Game of Bones

Gregg fires up the grill and cooks dinner for everyone. As the group sits down and starts eating, the conversation naturally shifts to sex and becomes a competition of which couple has done it the most on the trip and where. Cynthia and Peter emphasize the importance of "stuff going down in the room" for the "real couples." Kandi follows this up with her hot tub hook-up story. Phaedra's not interested in hot tubbin' if she wasn't the one to do the deep clean prior to. She's in love with her vagina, so she "protects it dearly." Well said, girl.

Wishy-Washy Wally

Walter abruptly grabs Kenya's hand and leads her away from the dinnertime sex talk. She mentally prepares herself for the possible popping of the question. Much to her disappointment (and mine), Walter fills her in on Peter's plan to surprise Cynthia with a vow renewal ceremony the following day. C'mon, Walter. You can't keep messing with a girl's head like this. Although, if you have to demand a proposal, what does that say about your relationship?

Proposals-A-Plenty

The ladies head to the spa for massages and an afternoon of gossip. Heaven, am I right? They talk about the trip, and NeNe is asking Kandi and Kenya about the future of their respective relationships. Kenya talks about possibly eloping and the ladies get all up in arms about being deprived of a good party. Then things start to get a little heated when Kenya's patience runs out with NeNe and her constant harping. Kenya points out that she has no trouble getting a ring, as she's gotten six proposals before. Six. Isn't that kind of the same as bragging about how many breast augmentations you've had done? At first it's like, "Wow, good for you!" And then it's like, "Awww honey. I hope you eventually get a set that doesn't need an upgrade." She defends her relationship with Walter and the kind of man he is. This gets the ladies to back off. For a bit.

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Wedding Day, Take 2

The ladies hop in a van, all dressed in white, on their way to Cynthia's surprise vow renewal ceremony. She's asking tons of questions, almost annoyed at how little she knows. It's adorable. Because the girls know what's in store for her. And so do we! Then they go from van to boat to head over to the island. She continues asking questions and making comments about "some setup on the beach" as they pull onto the shore. Peter is dapper in his white suit and is almost overcome with emotion at the chance to spend a special day like this with his wife and their close friends, without the family BS that surrounded them on their wedding day.

The group takes their seats on either side of the aisle, and when Cynthia is the only one handed a small bouquet of flowers, her suspicions cause her to question Peter on what the eff is happening. He tells her, simply and sweetly, "We're doing it over." She now understands that everyone was in on it, and the smile on her face grows as big as the Grinch's heart on Christmas Day. And I tear up like the sappy fool that I am. Phaedra even describes Peter as "a black angel in white." I agree. Peter and Cynthia exchange their vows, rings and both try to hold back tears the entire time. 

Nightcap Nonsense

Later that night, the girls gather for a nightcap and dish about the ceremony. The dishing turns to dissing when Kenya and Porsha begin to rehash their history. WARNING: dangerous ground ahead! Porsha shares her side of the charity event debacle and gets more heated with each minute spent retelling it. Kenya starts to defend herself and tell her side, but then decides that she's over it and doesn't want to bring it all back up again when they've moved past it. Then the yelling starts. It's hard to recap a fight like this when both parties talk over each other. All I know is that things get real when Porsha takes a dig at Kenya's age (40). Kenya stands up and says, "40 and fabulous, like I just stepped off the stage," blah, blah, "Bitch," blah. 

Twirls of the Fabulous Variety

NeNe, Cynthia and Phaedra are hilarious because they continue to sip their drinks and roll their eyes like this is just another day of finger-pointing and screaming for these two. They only get up and get involved when Porsha puts her wine down. This is clearly a sign of trouble ahead. Cynthia stands in front of Porsha, and NeNe tries to calm Kenya down. The screaming escalates and continues as they dance around the women trying to block their direct path to one another. A little bit of shoving later and the two separate to try and cool down. Despite the distance between them, Kenya continues to yell at Porsha. The show ends (fabulously) with a snap, plus a twirl, plus a Gone with the Wind reference, minus Kenya's sanity -- and I can officially die a happy woman.  

I hope crazy Scarlett O' Hara returns next week!

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(Image courtesy of Bravo)