It's time for our favorite wig-hoarding, f-bomb dropping, eternally pregnant housewife to move out of her dream home and back to the town home. In this episode, Kim and Sweetie manage the movers, while Kroy manages to eat pizza from a box and then disappears to go play ... football ... 'cause that's his job. After shuffling around the mansion in her Ugg-style slippers and belittling the employees of the moving company, Kim, Sweetie and the girls finally make it to the new-old home where they are promptly greeted by a creepy wall of mannequin heads holding all of Kim's wigs and a moving truck full of $40,000 in landscaping that Kim insisted be ripped from the grounds of the old-new home.
Also in this episode, "Butt-Dial-Gate 2012." Join me for the recap, won't you?
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Amityville or Eviction?
Everything in the "haunted mansion" is wrapped in what looks like multicolored Cling-Wrap and Kim is ready to move "the f***" out of the house as quick as she can. If someone paid her a dollar for every f-word she utters in this episode, Kim might be able to afford the house after all. Oh, excuse me, she can afford it; she's simply leaving because it's "haunted" and because the woman who leased it to them is "crazy." Not even her friends believe these excuses, but they all pretend to and then talk about her behind her back like proper ladies are supposed to.
Do They Not Have a Chuck E. Cheese's in Atlanta?
It's time for the teeny Prince's second birthday, but before the over-the-top festivities can begin, Phaedra and Apollo take him to get his first haircut. At the barber shop, a fussy Ayden refuses to cooperate and utters the phrase, "I'm sleepy." According to Phaedra, it's what he says when he wants to be "left alone." Psst, I'm guessing Phaedra hears "I'm sleepy" a lot.
For his birthday, Phaedra and Uncle Dwight have planned a party at the Georgia Aquarium, complete with a beluga whale viewing tank and private dolphin show. Phaedra, Apollo and Ayden make their entrance to the party on a miniature train led by a marching band. The outrageous party planning duo have once again outdone themselves. As Phaedra likes to say, she and Dwight don't "plan parties," they "coordinate experiences." What did Ayden think of his experience? "I'm sleepy."
They've Still "Got It Twisted"
Porsha and her husband continue to be confused by Kenya's former pageant status, as once again they debate about whether she's a former Miss USA or Miss America. To avoid confusion at future social gatherings, I'm suggesting Kenya wear her sash at all times. Then again, I think Porsha may be confused about a lot of things -- you know, about life, in general.
Taming Walter: Part One
On a previous episode, Kenya told Aunt Lori (the woman who raised her) about her boyfriend, Walter. Tonight, it's time for him to meet the firing squad. At a quaint dinner, Walter meets a few members of Kenya's immediate family. Not one to beat around the bush, Aunt Lori brings up the topic of marriage and Walter quickly dodges the subject. Meanwhile, during her private camera interviews, Kenya continues to insist they are "headed toward marriage." I can't help but notice when she says it, there's a teeny sparkle of crazy in her eyes.
Cynthia and NeNe meet for lunch and both show up sporting fetching plaid and hounds tooth fedoras, respectively. They dish about Kim's abrupt departure from NeNe's "Let Success Flow" party, and both agree "Kim is the lady of excuses" when it comes to attending a function. She is not their prime target of gossip today, however. Oh no, today we have a butt-dial scandal. NeNe tells Cynthia one of her "friends" received a "butt-dial" from Phaedra and the conversation was recorded on voice mail. Over and over, the women play Phaedra's voice saying, "Cynthia can't come to the party ... I don't give a f*** about her coming."
NeNe is gleeful about this obvious crack in Phaedra's normally lady-like genteel exterior as she declares, "That's the disadvantage of having a big ass, now it's dialing for her."
Taming Walter: Part Two
Kenya is a woman on a mission and now she's dialing it up a notch. While she talks to her Yorkie dog, Velvet, Kenya makes a romantic dinner for Walter. And by "make" dinner, I mean she heats up take-out food, serves it on fine china, then hides the take-out containers and even dirties a pan to further the charade. She looks at Velvet and says, "Shhh, don't tell anybody." Ohhh, Velvet. We wish you could tell. So many things.
When Walter arrives, he steps into a full-on man-trap. Kenya is dressed like a temptress in a low-cut azure blue sundress that highlights her ample heaving assets. They sit down to a romantic candle-lit dinner on the patio where crickets and cicadas provide a booming soundtrack. Walter tries to keep the conversation light. Kenya tells him several times, "I'm not trying to put pressure on you," then immediately talks about her aching need to be pregnant, her ovulation schedule and even manages to work her ring size into the conversation. Quick, Walter, take my advice: say, "I'm sleepy." It works for Ayden.
Phaedra Gets Busted, Then Bitten
Cynthia meets Phaedra for lunch, and because the topic is so delicious, the waitress barely has time to set down their drinks before Cynthia confronts her about the voice mail message. Phaedra is quick to deny the accusation, but the contortion of her face says she's either broken wind (quietly, because she's a lady) or she knows she's just been caught in a lie. When Cynthia tells her she heard Phaedra's voice on the message, she denies again, then comes up with a brilliant distraction, "Something bit me on the boob. Do you see that? Do you see that bite on my boob?" I don't think this is the last we've heard of "Butt-Dial-Gate 2012."
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