It's the penultimate episode of One Tree Hill
, and this week is
all about burning the past so you can move on to the future. That's the
premise of the Burning Boat Festival, which returns after first
appearing in the third episode of season 1. But we also get it
everywhere else, whether it's Chase deleting his exes from his cell
phone, Julian reading Brooke's high school diary or a random and
hilarious return by a former guest star I'm guessing most fans don't
Julian Says Goodbye to Reality
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Julian successfully sells An Unkindness of Ravens
as a TV series, despite the fact that it's basically a remake of Dawson's Creek
and there are no vampires or werewolves. Luckily there will be hot tubs and an almost obscene level of self-importance. I love One Tree Hill more than most, but even I was taken aback by how Julian spoke about the story as if it were the greatest drama in the history of the world. Let's not pretend a show that featured a dog eating a man's donor heart is on par with Shakespeare.
To help Julian write the pilot, Brooke does the unthinkable and gives him her diary from high school. But first she rips out a page that might have contained references to a lesbian experimentation between Brooke and Peyton. Perhaps when Brooke kissed Peyton on dare night back in season 2, it wasn't the only time the two got a little naughty together.
After reading the diary, Julian writes a great pilot script, casting will begin in a week, and he reveals that he has slightly altered the facts, adding in Julian as a character in Tree Hill High School and giving him all the best parts, like making a sex tape with Brooke and making the game-winning basket.Brooke Says Goodbye to Her Crappy Parents
Julian learns that Brooke was even more introspective and hurt back in high school than even we knew, damaged by her constantly fighting parents. In the present, that's less of a problem because Brooke walks in on her mom and dad in the middle of a little afternoon delight.
Mortified by the sight of her shirtless, post-coital father, Brooke has a total meltdown and Julian rushes to her defense, telling off her dad and demanding that he treat Brooke better.
The message is received and Brooke's parents stop by to reveal that they're together and they bought Baker Man so that they can keep the company and work with Brooke, all as one big, happy Davis family.Haley Says Goodbye to Past Drama
Haley is in charge of the Burning Boat Festival and spends the day reflecting on her life. Nathan and Jamie are off bonding, so it's just her. She finds an old flyer designed by Peyton for the opening of Tric and remembers how she lied to Lucas about tutoring Nathan at the Burning Boat Festival 10 years ago.Chase Says Goodbye to His Exes
Saddened by his lack of career prospects now that he's been kicked out of the Air Force, Chase mopes at the bar while getting insulted by Chris Keller's twin sexcretaries (TM New Girl
's Schmidt). But he does try to get over his many failures by deleting Mia, Alex and Tara from his cell phone.
He also gets some good news from Haley because she convinced Karen to tell Tric to Brooke so he can have something of his own.Clay Says Goodbye to the Single Life
Logan, Clay's impossibly cute son, spends the night at the oceanside apartment and we learn that Logan is very scared of the ocean. Luckily he has the world's best dad, the world's best potential future stepmom and a Green Lantern power ring, so he's safe.
With everything so perfect in his life, Clay decides on the spur of the moment to ask Quinn to marry him. He doesn't have a ring, but luckily Logan gives him the Green Lantern ring. It's impossible for anything to be sweeter than this family.Mouth Says Goodbye to His Job
Mouth is skinny again and he's ready for a new adventure. Millie talks to him about leaving their talk show so he can have his own sports show, since that's all he really cares about.
They audition potential replacement co-hosts, and one of them is Kylie, the sexy British actress who co-starred with Nathan in the body spray commercial, slept with Clay, then went to the '80s dance with Mouth because the Internet dating site paired them up. That has to be the most random return from a former guest star ever.
Kylie gets the job because she seduced station manager Jerry, but she's terrible. So Skills is hired instead (making it Skills and Mills) while Kylie is named the Traffic Chicken, delivering traffic reports while wearing a bikini and a chicken head.
Next week on One Tree Hill
: It's the series finale, nine years in the making. Get ready to cry and celebrate.(Image courtesy of the CW)