Previously on One Tree Hill:  Peyton became obsessed with a bamboo plant given to her by Lindsey, only to realize that it was merely a gift for good luck.  She also moved in with Brooke, who bought her own house and got a visit from her mother, Victoria.  Nathan finally shaved his beard and dropped his anger after paying a visit to Dan (Paul Johansson), and Mouth made out with his evil shrew of a boss.  Apparently her frigid exterior was just a front to cover her lusty desires.  In addition to all that, Kevin Federline showed up as Jason, a musician who may have signed his career away by joining Peyton's new record label.

As the episode kicks off, Peyton and Brooke are plotting to kill Victoria.  They're not serious about it, which is kind of a shame since that would be a fun plotline.  Lucas voiceovers something about parents always having a hold over their children, which leads me to believe this episode is going to delve into the messy side of parent-child relationships.

Hey, does anyone remember when this show used to have a theme song?  Whatever happened to that?  I think this is part of a conspiracy to banish Gavin DeGraw from the planet, which kind of offends me since I used to belt out "I Don't Want to Be" with the best of them.

Haley (Bethany Joy Galeotti) is still feeling guilty about kicking Quentin out of class, and she also thinks it'd be a swell idea for Nathan to give him a pep talk.  The fact that Nathan was a disheveled, bearded drunk with non-working legs just two episodes ago doesn't seem to bother her.  I'm not sure he's the best person to go to for advice at the moment, but I kind of want Quentin to fail anyway, so whatever.

After a long night of hot loving, Mouth's boss gets dressed and leaves his apartment.  Skills walks in and starts getting overly excited about the cougar on cub action.  Mouth (Lee Norris) tries to deny it, but Skills wasn't born yesterday and knows what's going on.

In what will become a theme for the remainder of the episode, Brooke (Sophia Bush) is having trouble with her mother.  She stands up for herself, begging her mom to trust her and believe that she can run her own shop in Tree Hill.  Victoria agrees to give her a chance, and Brooke calls her assistant Millicent for help.  I have a feeling that Millicent, who unfortunately has the name of a 95-year-old grandmother who survived the Great Depression, will be coming to North Carolina.

On the basketball court, a freshly de-mulleted Nathan is giving Quentin a pep talk.  Yes, he cut his hair!  If you'll excuse me for a moment, I'm going to do a quick dance of joy over the death of James Lafferty's terrible wigs.

Alright, I'm back, and hey, Peyton (Hilarie Burton) is showing up on Lucas's doorstep just as he's done making out with Lindsey.  Awkward.  Lindsey, who still wants to be nice to Peyton despite the great bamboo plant meltdown of '08, is skipping town to go to New York for awhile.  She suggests that Peyton go with Lucas to the opening of Brooke's store, but Peyton thinks that would be too awkward.  It probably will be, but she'll go anyway.

Nathan stops by the basketball court to visit Lucas and suggest that he put Quentin on the team.  He even offers to coach the cocky little jerk.  I have to admit that it's nice to see the brothers together again, and it's even better to see Nathan up and about and not whining over his broken legs.

Peyton is in the recording studio trying to accomplish the impossible task of making K-Fed's singing sound decent.  K-Fed refuses to listen to her suggestions and believes that his music is God's gift to the aural soundscape, despite the fact that it sounds like a dozen cats being run over by a semi truck.  Shut up, K-Fed.

Millicent is now in town and working in Brooke's shop.  Unfortunately she's dressed like she had a run-in with an exploding thrift store.  It's quite hideous, but despite her Goodwill fashion sense Victoria agrees to work with her anyway.

Quentin, who is quickly becoming my least favorite character in the universe, walks into Lucas's office being all smug about the fact that Lucas wants him on the basketball team.  Lucas gives his best Whitey impersonation and tries to be a hard ass coach, but Quentin doesn't fall for it.  That could be because Chad Michael Murray isn't as awesomely grizzled as Barry Corbin.  Maybe he should try growing some stubble or something.  By the way, I really miss Whitey.

Haley seems to agree with Peyton and thinks that K-Fed's sound is something special.  I look forward to the episode where they go to get their ears checked and realize that they're both going deaf, thus explaining why they think his screeching sounds like music.  Haley tries to help K-Fed jazz up his sound, but he dismisses her as Peyton's lesbian girlfriend and goes outside to smoke.   I've changed my mind.  Maybe K-Fed's Jason is my least favorite character in the universe.  However, despite K-Fed's natural assitude, Haley wants to help him out anyway.

Lucas and Peyton are bonding while they help Millicent and Brooke get the store ready for its grand opening. Lucas tells Peyton that he always knew she had a lot of potential to succeed in the music business, and Peyton gets a "take me now" look in her eyes.  Unfortunately that look is short lived, because when she goes to congratulate Victoria on Brooke's success, Victoria smacks her down by telling her that she's a parasite who is dragging her daughter down.  Peyton is dumbstruck, and it's really quite awesome. 

Haley walks in on Mia, a musician who, unlike K-Fed, appears to have actual talent.  Sadly she's trapped in his band and overshadowed by the fact that he claims to write all of their songs.  Haley thinks differently though, and it looks like Mia may be breaking out of the background soon.

Even though it may mean a cold shoulder and a cold bed, Mouth finds the nerve to stand up to his bitchy boss when she tries to unfairly scold one of his fellow employees.  She finds it unbearably sexy and pulls him into the back room to make out with him.  I really loathe her.  Maybe she's my most hated character in the universe.  It's so hard to decide!

Nathan is still trying to help Quentin on the basketball court, and kindly suggests that Quentin might try being nice to people if he wants to get ahead.  Quentin doesn't think that things like courtesy and respect are necessary.  Across town, in the recording studio containing K-Fed and his inflated ego, Haley talks Peyton into firing his terrible ass.  Mia is the real star here.  She stays behind while K-Fed packs his bags and leaves.  It's not a moment too soon, if you ask me.

It's at this point in the episode where I must stop and ask:  why are all these new characters so horrible? Jason, Quentin, and Mouth's boss are completely unbearable.  Victoria is kind of awesome, but not exactly likable.  Carrie the nanny and Lindsey the girlfriend are boring and useless.  I hope that Mia turns out to be more enjoyable, because all these other newbies are getting on my nerves.

It's time to head to the opening of Brooke's store, and Lucas and Peyton are all dressed up.  Peyton stops to confess that their pairing is totally awkward, and Lucas says that there's no reason that they can't be friends despite their romantic past.  Victoria is still being a bitch to frumpy Millicent, so Mouth comes in to bond with her over having horrendously awful bosses.  They're quite cute together, and I hope Mouth dumps his frigid she-devil soon so he can hook up with her.

Brooke pulls Peyton aside to make sure she's not trying to mack on Lucas, and she admits that she isn't. They also eye a cute bartender, who Peyton starts to hit it off with.  Just as she's starting to enjoy flirting with the guy, Lucas steps in and says, "He's not good enough for you."  Oh, no he didn't!  Thankfully Peyton steps outside and yells at him, telling him that it's not fair to her or to Lindsey for him to say such things.  Really Lucas, what were you thinking?  You can't tell the girl you want to be friends and then squash her the instant she talks to another guy.  Besides, you know nothing about him and can't judge whether he's good enough for her.  Don't make me slap you, Lucas.

After the party, Brooke is indulging in her successful opening and the fun she had with her friends.  Victoria, who is playing the Super Mega Beeyotch in this week's episode, immediately reminds her that not one high priced item was sold.  She also knocks some sense into Brooke by telling her that fancy clothing stores don't do well in podunk North Carolina towns, which is the first sensible thing she's said in awhile.  She threatens to shut down the store, but Millicent steps in to buy a fancy dress and saves the day.  Oh Millicent, you can't wear something that wasn't bought at a dollar store!  Don't be silly.

Nathan wants to see Haley try on the fancy dress that Brooke gave her at the opening, which I believe is a coded way to say that he wants sex.  That's when Jamie and Carrie run into the room, interrupting them and ensuring that Nathan is sexually frustrated.  I hope this doesn't lead to cheating with the nanny, or else I might have to throw Nathan through another window.

Mouth goes to visit his horrible boss/girlfriend, and she tells him that she's thinking of making him a reporter.  It seems like he wants to break up with her, but he obviously can't do that when she holds his career in her hands.  Damn you, Bitchy Boss, and the power you wield!  Mouth needs to get her out of his life and off my television screen.

As the episode comes to a close, Brooke is crying and eating ice cream, which suddenly makes me feel like I'm watching Private Practice or something.  If Brooke was drinking wine on the beach I'd have to make sure I didn't accidentally change the channel, but luckily she's in her kitchen, so I think this is still One Tree Hill.  Brooke is upset over Victoria's harsh words, but Peyton consoles her by reminding her that Victoria is the worst parent ever.  Lucas calls Lindsey to remind her that he loves her, and Haley finds a drawing from Jamie that includes nanny Carrie.  It's kind of awkward when your four-year-old starts drawing pictures of the hot nanny, isn't it?  Oh Haley, I told you not to hire her!

- Don Williams, BuddyTV Staff Columnist
(Image courtesy of the CW)