'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' Premiere Recap: Crack is Whack
'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' Premiere Recap: Crack is Whack
Dani  Stone
Dani Stone
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
Pop the bubbly and pass me a slice of pie -- the Atlanta peaches are back, and in season 5, two new debutantes have joined the cast. 

In tonight's premiere, "moving" appears to be the theme as Kandi moves into a new home, Kim finds out she has to move out of hers and NeNe contemplates a big move to L.A. Also moving, the pitter-patter of more little feet for one of the housewives. We also get a chance to meet one of the new castmates, former Miss USA Kenya Moore. Unfortunately, her first impression leaves Cynthia seeing red and a major magazine rep disgusted by her behavior.  

It's premiere night! Let's dig into the recap.

Gregg, Don't Beg

The season begins with NeNe still in Atlanta and Gregg dropping off a package like the friendly FedEx man. NeNe reveals what many of us already know by now, that she's been cast in the NBC sitcom The New Normal. She expresses an interest in moving to L.A. and Gregg wants to tag along. NeNe's answer is unclear, but she does give him some advice: "Gregg, get your sexy back."

From Africa with Love

Kandi introduces us to Todd, the new boyfriend she met last season when the girls went to Africa. You remember that trip, right? The one where they all had the beautiful bonding moment while visiting the children in the orphanage and then spent the rest of the season fighting about whether Kim would ever "hold a black baby"? Way to stay on point, ladies. Anywho, you can tell Kandi is absolutely smitten, as she refers to Todd as "Boo, my love, all of that and above."

Kim and Kroy Need Another Hobby

It's clear to me that Kim and Kroy are very much in love. They also need to take up gardening, knitting or couples Minecraft because clearly they need a hobby. Call the party planner and book the DJ -- Kim is pregnant again. 

In this episode, Kim reveals their home was a lease, not an outright purchase, and now due to what Kim considers to be a personal vendetta from her former designer-turned-landlord, they're being evicted. Kroy spends the episode eating chips and salsa and looking typically bewildered. Kim is shocked to learn that a quote to move and store the family's possessions is a whopping $100,000. Her response to this is to go lay down. Kroy continues to munch. Thank goodness Sweetie is back in the house to keep Kim from having a come-apart. 

Remembering Fido

Although Phaedra is still in mortuary school, that hasn't stopped her from taking the business to a whole nutha level. While visiting a veterinarian, she expresses her interest in hosting pet funerals. To drive the point home and to give the vet a glimpse of her vision, she declares, "I want to be the Vera Wang of funerals." Phaedra then winks and tells the woman she wants to be her "go-to girl," leaving the poor vet and the teeny caged dogs in the background to wonder what in the hell just happened. 

Yes, But Did I Mention I Was Miss USA?

In a fabulous cafe in Atlanta, Lawrence, long-time hairstylist and friend to several women on the show, stops by to chat with new cast member Kenya, whom he also knows. Of course he does. Tonight, he's donning not only a fetching fedora, but also red nails. 

In her intro piece, Kenya rattles off a quick bio giving her credentials, including this nugget of info: she was the second black woman to be Miss USA. In the background, several pictures of her in a bikini run by on the screen, causing me to put down my slice of coconut cream pie. Not 'cause I feel inferior. Just 'cause I'm not hungry anymore. 

Kenya, originally from L.A. where she worked as a model, actress and started her own production company, is a self-described "hustler." She says although she became a success in L.A., she decided to move home because of her roots and her Aunt Lori, who raised her. She's joined by boyfriend Walter, who better start looking at diamonds because Kenya is ready to start competing with Kim in the baby department. 

This is . . . . NOT American Idol

It's an exciting day at the Bailey Agency School of Fashion, where Cynthia is the owner and reigning diva. Jet magazine is hosting an open casting call to find the "Jet Beauty of the Week." Reps for Jet are there to judge, as well as Cynthia, and because she has experience from her -- you guessed it -- Miss USA days, Kenya joins the panel. Unfortunately, she thinks she's a guest judge for American Idol/X Factor/America's Got Talent and quickly becomes the mean girl. She asks contestants bluntly, "What are you doing here?" makes snide comments loud enough for the girls to hear and completely goes against southern hospitality by telling one poor girl over and over, "You cannot show your butt crack or your coochie crack." Such a lady. 

What did you think of the premiere? Will Kim get evicted or will she and Kroy become wealthy squatters? Are Kandi and Todd headed down the aisle? Will NeNe and Gregg reconcile or will he continue to hang out like a character in a sitcom? Let me know your thoughts on the upcoming season.

Dani Stone
Contributing Writer

(Image courtesy of Bravo)

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