'Big Brother 13' Recap: The Twist Shakes Up the House
'Big Brother 13' Recap: The Twist Shakes Up the House
John Kubicek
John Kubicek
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
This week couldn't have worked out much better for Rachel, Jeff and Jordan on Big Brother 13. When Kalia won HoH, it looked like the veterans were doomed, but thanks to the paranoia created over the mysterious twist, Kalia's desperate need for Jeff and Jordan to like her, and Lawon's general insanity, the veterans lucked out.

The biggest disappointment has to be Kalia, who proved that she's one of the "spineless jellyfish" Dominic was talking about. Daniele isn't afraid to get blood on her hands and come after the strong players, and while Kalia claimed she was willing to fight, she just caved. If Big Brother 13 is the debate over the debt ceiling, Kalia is President Obama while Jeff, Jordan and Rachel are John Boehner, getting 98 percent of what they want (100 percent would've been if Kalia nominated Daniele).

Tonight on Big Brother 13 we get another eviction and the big twist that allows one evicted HG to come back into the game. WARNING: If it's Brendon, this recap will likely involve cursing.

Previously on Big Brother: "You did good," says Jordan to Jeff after he won the PoV. Yes, he did, although he almost got beat by a bacon-loving, overweight smoker, so he didn't do THAT good.

Julie Chen is literally laughing at Lawon because the person who returns to the house will not actually have a special power. When the Chenbot is mocking you, you know you messed up.

Veto Aftermath: Lawon goes crazy bananas, claiming that if he gets evicted, he has a 99 percent chance of coming back with super powers. He then acts like an angry fool over being nominated, but since Shelly gets hip to the fact that he volunteered, it's all a pointless performance that no one believes. Shelly claims he's lying, which is hilarious because when she tells him he has a good chance to stay against Rachel, she's lying too. She also gets Kalia to tell her that Lawon volunteered, which she does, then Shelly runs to the veterans to tell them that Lawon is a big faker.

This is all so wrong. Rachel, Jeff and Jordan look like the cat who ate the canaries. Yes, Jeff, Kalia is stupid, but you don't get to say it because she did exactly what he wanted her to do. Then Rachel tells Kalia and Daniele that she's going to target floaters and not competitors like Kalia and Daniele. That's a lie, and everyone seems to know it except for Kalia and Daniele.

Overall, Shelly is now showing her true colors as an instigator who tells half-truths and lies to everyone to get them riled up and turn them against each other. It's a devious strategy, but the fact that her actions are benefiting the people I hate in this game, I can't stand it. I guess I just had more faith in Kalia and Daniele and hoped they wouldn't be dumb enough to fall for Shelly's trickery and deceit.

Chen Time
: Shelly makes a slightly lewd joke about Adam shaving something other than his beard. Other than that, nothing much of note is said. This is some sub-par Chen Time, because obviously everyone just wants her to explain the stupid twist already.

Rachel's Past Enemies: Ragan is back and looks hotter than ever. What the heck happened to him? Sadly, we learn that Ragan actually likes Rachel outside of the house and is going to be in her wedding party. Shame on you, hot Ragan! Matt joins his Big Brother 12 life partner Ragan to mock Rachel's tears for a bit.  Why couldn't Ragan and Matt have returned as a Dynamic Duo? They're so much better than anyone in this house.

Julie and Kalia: Kalia admits that the twist totally messed up her week and was the hardest part of it. She also says she has no regrets, but it's said in a way that makes it sound like she doesn't really believe it.

Nominee Speeches: Rachel says nothing important, and then we get The Lawon Show where he rambles about how he loves everyone and tells them to "do you."

Jordan votes to evict...LAWON
Jeff votes to evict...LAWON
Porsche votes to evict...LAWON
Daniele votes to evict...LAWON (and she regrets it)
Shelly votes to evict...LAWON
Adam votes to evict...LAWON

LAWON IS EVICTED 6-0.

As he's leaving, Julie Chen tells Lawon to sit down.  She tells them about the battle and how the first four HGs were sequestered when they left and the one America voted for will compete against Lawon to get back in the game. Rachel's mouth is open over the thought of seeing Brendon again. But who is it?

The four evicted HGs are in the backyard and everyone is shocked to see Brendon. Dominic offers his first-born child to get back. Everyone seems shocked that Lawon and Rachel were the nominees, and even more shocked that Rachel was safe.

America voted for...BRENDON.

NOOOOOOOO!!! Kill me. Kill me now. Big Brother 13 just became the single worst season in the show's history.  Shame on you, America! I can only guess that Cassi and Dominic split the vote and all those stupid Brenchel fans power-voted like crazy.

I don't even care anymore. In the battle, 150 balls will drop and the two must put balls with all 14 HGs' names on them in a hole. Rachel yells to support Brendon the whole time and it's kind of offensive that Rachel gets to help out so much by screaming out the colors. God, this so is freaking rigged for Brendon.

BRENDON WINS AND HE'S BACK IN THE GAME.

Seriously, this is the worst possible outcome ever. I'm not even angry, just sad and depressed. It's like the last two weeks didn't even happen and the veterans are just being handed this game on a silver freaking platter.

The next HoH competition won't air until Sunday. I'll get the results as soon as they happen, but for now, I can only pray that Daniele or a newbie wins, because even they have to know that letting all four of them stay is the worst possible idea.

See Who Won the HoH Competition>>


(Image courtesy of CBS)