'Big Brother 13' Recap: Lawon Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
'Big Brother 13' Recap: Lawon Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
John Kubicek
John Kubicek
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
Friends, Romans, Big Brother 13 fans, lend me your ears. In this episode we get a Power of Veto competition based on the story of Sisyphus, and ancient history seems to be everywhere. Shelly compares herself to a Trojan Horse and the Sisyphus story itself serves as a metaphor for everything that happens. First Kalia tries to get Rachel out, and then she tries to get Jeff and Jordan to like her again, both Sisyphian tasks.

And in the end, Big Brother 13 features perhaps the second dumbest move in the history of the game (behind Marcellas not using the veto on himself) when a HG not only volunteers to be a pawn, but volunteers to get evicted. I don't want to make stereotypical judgments, but it seems strange that two of the worst moves ever were both done by gay black men. It just seems kind of weird.

I Mute Rachel

After the nominations, Rachel is still a whiny brat about it, and Kalia points to that as reason number one for why she's a target, because she's immature and childish. Shelly tries to talk Rachel down by saying Rachel has more class than that. Um, no Shelly, you're wrong. Rachel is just throwing another big temper tantrum crying about how everyone is so mean. It's the same thing we've seen a thousand times and I have no use for it. I literally put the TV on mute for most of it, so I don't know or care what she was sobbing about this time.

Does anyone watching Big Brother 13 actually enjoy this or find this entertaining? Because I don't like this on any level and I will not be able to enjoy this season until Rachel's miserable shenanigans are over.

I Hate Jeff

Jeff gets on his soapbox and talks about how he wants people to step up, pick a side and go to war. I feel like last week he was saying how going to war was a bad thing because it meant all the floaters would skate by. He needs to pick an opinion and stick with it, because right now his logic is as confusing as Jordan's. He's also a painful hypocrite yelling about how Kalia is just doing whatever Daniele wants her to do, because Jeff has Adam, Shelly and Jordan who are basically doing the exact same thing, only for him. Jeff is the kind of guy who relies on his big physical presence to intimidate people into doing whatever he wants, and it's ugly. I'm glad America is getting the chance to see this side of him, because he is absolutely destroying his image from last time as an all-American hero.

A Sisyphian Veto

The Power of Veto brings Kalia, Rachel, Jeff, Adam, Shelly and Jordan into ancient Greece as the HGs must simply throw a ball back and forth over a hill 300 times. It's a challenge modeled after Sisyphus, who kept pushing a rock up a hill only to have it fall back every time. It's the perfect metaphor for this week on Big Brother 13, because no matter how hard you push to get someone evicted, there's a chance that they'll come right back and make everything pointless.

That may sound interesting on a metaphoric level, but watching people toss balls back and forth makes for the single most boring competition ever. It becomes clear that Jeff and Adam are the only ones who have a shot, so everyone else kind of gives up. It's actually tied with just nine throws left, but then Jeff fights back and wins by two.

 Jeff the Sore Winner

After the veto, Jeff complains that his 5-year-old niece handles losing better than Rachel. I bet she also does it better than Jeff, because he goes up to the HoH and Kalia tries to explain, in a reasonable manner, why she wanted Jeff to play to ensure that he'd win and Rachel wouldn't so she would go home, and she also reminds them of her promise never to nominate Jordan. But instead of seeing it and moving past it, Jeff is still angry and gloats about winning, rubbing it in her face how now he's going to come after her anyway.

It's at this point that I start to hate Kalia, because if she was a stronger person, she's see that there's no way to work with Jeff and Jordan anymore, so she should just break her word, nominate Jordan and say, "Bring it on, you veteran a-holes!" Instead, Kalia sits around and tries to think of a way to make Jeff and Jordan like her again. So like Sisyphus, Kalia is going to keep trying to get Jeff and Jordan to like her again, which is a futile and pointless exercise.

Kalia and Lawon's Idiotic Decisions

Rachel meets with Kalia to say that if she nominates someone Rachel can beat and she doesn't get voted out, Rachel promises not to nominate Kalia (which I believe is a lie). Kalia sees this as a chance to get back into the good graces of Jeff and Jordan while stepping out from Daniele's shadow. Daniele isn't buying any of this, because Daniele is not an idiot. Kalia, on the other hand, is foolish enough to trust that Rachel, Jeff and Jordan really won't come after them.

Then things get even stranger when Lawon not only offers himself up as a pawn, but also asks to be evicted because he thinks whoever goes is going to come back with a special power. Are you kidding me? Lawon is so crazy that he's actually willing to get evicted? Daniele and Kalia see this as an opportunity to make a deal with Rachel, Jeff and Jordan to get rid of Lawon and work together.

Shelly Comes Away Clean

OK, I need to talk about editing for a second, because this week Shelly is getting away with murder, looking like a saint when she's been acting like a sinner. She came up with an idea to use her fake final three alliance with Kalia and Daniele to have them nominate Porsche, only to them turn on them with Adam to evict Porsche and screw over Kalia and Daniele. Shelly kept planting seeds of doubt into Kalia's head and even did an evil, giddy dance of joy in the storage room celebrating how manipulative and sneaky she was being. All of this happened on the live feeds, but absolutely NONE of it made it to the live show, so America still thinks Shelly is a sweet, honest old lady. This makes me madder than anything because the editors of Big Brother 13 are blatantly misrepresenting her.

The Ceremony

Jeff hopes Kalia is stupid enough to nominate one of her allies, and luckily for him, she is because Lawon is nominated. Kalia still thinks this will make Rachel, Jeff and Jordan like her and keep her safe, but in reality, all three of them will turn on her next week, regardless of this action. The part that frustrates me the most is when Jeff calls Kalia's decision stupid, because he would also call her stupid if she decided NOT to put up a floater. Kalia is being trusting at this moment, which makes her a good person who believes that people will behave honorable. The fact that Jeff can call her an idiot and STILL think he's the good guy is just insane.

But not as insane as Lawon, who tells us in the diary room that wants to act like he's gone crazy. Um, that's not acting. Lawon really is crazy is he will voluntarily get evicted in the hopes that he can come back with a special power.

(Image courtesy of CBS)

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