This week's episode of Last Comic Standing showed us the New York auditions on the first day. Yet again, there were the usual weirdos wearing strange costumes or using some other sort of prop. The list included a goblin, an elf, a clown, a ventriloquist & dummy & the dummy's dummy, another ventriloquist with Bernie the bird dummy, and yet another ventriloquist with an old man dummy, and believe it or not, another ventriloquist with soul brother Ricky the dummy, then a ventriloquist with Dangerous the duck dummy...and none of them were funny.
The comics sent through to the semifinals this time were Alycia Cooper, Mike DeStefano, Claudia Cogan, Kurt Metzger, Tommy Johnagin, Jamie Lee, Roy Wood, Jr., Amanda Melson and Jesse Joyce. I think it's fair to say that the season is already shaping up o be fantastic.
In my opinion, the five worst jokes from this week's show were:
1. Shirtless man with tons of chest hair - I'm so hairy that I don't take a shower, I get steam cleaned."
2. Woman - His lawyer entered my breasts as Exhibit A. But these are Ds!
3. Man - I look like the cast of Jersey Shore
ten years from now.
4. Todd Catalano - My girlfriend threw me out of the house because she said I cuddle more with the dog than I do with her. I said, "Whoa. If you grow six more nipples, you can be the head bitch of the pack."
5. Andy Ofiesh - (naked guy) - "you can pixilate this." Judges, "It already looks pixilated."
And thank goodness there were so many really funny bits too. Here are my favorite nine jokes:
1. Alycia Cooper - The economy's so bad, my cousin texted his wedding invitations. I texted him back a picture of a gift. Two can play this game.
2. Mike DeStefano - An agent asks him what he did before he became a comic. He said, "I was a drug counselor for drug addicts." When asked, "What did you do before that?" He said, "I was a drug addict." And before that? "I was 12."
3. Keven Bozeman - "I'm pro-life...except for like, two times."
4. Kurt Metzger - The economy is hard. Have any of you had to sell your gold? You see those people in that commercial, they're overjoyed. They had no idea that gold was worth money. I just got $40 to go to Six Flags and all I had to do was melt down my grandma's stupid necklace she hid from the Nazis. I thought we were going to lose the house. But my wife said, "What about our pirate treasure?" [The judges brought him back for the Showcase because of his "nugget" of humor.]
5. More Kurt Metzger - Do you guys remember where you were when you heard that Michael Jackson died? That's a huge death, right? That death eclipsed all other deaths, I think. I will never remember where I was when I found out. I was at my father's funeral. They almost ruined that funeral, but then the pastor put on Thriller and we started singing and dancing. I picked up my dad and started to move him like a zombie.
6. Tommy Johnagin - Talking to 21-year-olds is like talking to babies, except that babies don't have bad ideas yet. One time I was talking to a 21-year-old and I asked her if she played pool. She said, "I had sex on a pool table once." That's not even close to the answer. So I asked her, "Was it a league?" I just put two quarters in her chest and said, "I've got next."
7. Roy Wood, Jr. - I know that it's going to take some time to get the troops out of Iraq. It took two years to get a crazy chick out of my apartment.
8. Jesse Joyce - a hilarious bit about driving in Malaysia and hitting a monkey. His mannerisms and expressions were what made it so funny.
9. Jim David - I've been with my partner for 22 years now. I don't know why people have a fear of the marriage thing. We have most the boring life. We get up in the morning, have cocktails, go to schools and recruit. Then we plot the destruction of the traditional family for about two hours. Then we get wasted and go dancing.
Which comics were your favorites this week? Who did you like that didn't move on? Let us know!
(Image: NBC Universal)