Tonight marks a very special night for Last Comic Standing -- it's the first time that you, the viewer, can vote on which eliminated contestant will get to perform during the finale. It's the best thing a viewer can do to feel like they made some kind of impact on the eventual outcome of this show. Embrace the power!
Previously on the show, five comics emerged from the pack to enter the exclusive top ten. Fourteen comics will be performing tonight, with the comedic guidance of Wanda Sykes.
JB Smoove prances down the steps onto the stage, before introducing the judges: Keenen Ivory Wayans, Russell Peters, and the jewel-encrusted Roseanne.
Up first is dog-walker Lachlan Patterson, who is super excited to work with Wanda. Wanda notes how he sucks at segues and transitions, which Lachlan agrees with whole-heartedly.
"I guess I don't have trouble meeting women because I look like a mannequin, but I suck with breaking up with them, man." He laments the fact that Hallmark doesn't make break up cards, since it'd be so much easier. He likes video games since he doesn't have to communicate with women to beat them. If women invented the game, you'd have to defeat the dragon by sharing your feelings. I like Lachlan, but there are plenty of women in the field of gaming, dude.
Russell thinks his mannequin-like looks make men want to hate him immediately, but thinks he's pretty darn funny. Keenen's last review of him included the fact that he "looks like a mannequin," so he was flattered that Lachlan decided to include it in the act. Roseanne thinks he can take the whole contest. It's a Lachlan love-fest right now.
Zainab Johnson chats up Wanda next. You might remember Zainab for being bald, beautiful, and having the longest pair of pants that ever existed on the planet. She wants to include rape jokes, which --well? Not a good call. Here's a hint to all up-and-coming comics: Rape jokes aren't funny or appropriate.
Thankfully, she cuts it from her set, and talks about how her baldness makes people assume she's a man. "I get called a man at least once a day... This one thug was like, 'Yo. You're the prettiest dude I've ever seen. I was like, 'As long as he thinks I'm pretty, though...'"
After her set, I start realizing that she somewhat resembles a female version of Keenen, but Keenen beat me to the punchline. "I always wanted to know what I'd look like as a woman," he said with a smile.
DC Benny takes the stage next, but prior to his set, mentions his love of telling long stories. Wanda mentions that long stories only work if they build up, which is solid advice. DC starts with a joke about how his high school used to hang out at Popeyes Fried Chicken after school, and mentions a cashier who was a cheerleader at his school. "But she weighed like, 380, so she didn't cheerlead too hard," he notes. He ordered chicken, and she gave him biscuits instead. Hilarity happens afterward, when the employee later became his prom date. "Whatever you do, do not bring her home hungry," her family states. After the prom, DC drops her off at home. "Oh no. The biscuit's going in the gravy," she stated to an uncomfortable DC.
Roseanne is blown away by his act, and enjoyed his characters. Personally, I hope the past Popeye's employee isn't crying her eyes out at home after seeing her former date on TV tonight.
Time for the montage -- since did you really expect them to squeeze 14 sets in during an hour of television? Jasper Redd is first, and talks about Obama. "I've always had to look up to the penny as my black representative," he says. I have to admit, his brief set was the first one I've laughed out loud at tonight. Emily Galati is next, and talks about obesity. One third of the country is obese, but still -- her bike got stolen. She figured it'd be safe, since she stored it in America. Tyree Elaine discusses being single, and how she used to be a cheater back in the day. Dave Landau discusses prostitution costs, and personal sexual stuff that'd make me cringe if I was his wife. Roseanne actually admits that she didn't understand one of his jokes regarding a tampon, and labels it as "dark humor".
Remember Nikki Carr? I do. She's amazing, and considers Wanda to be her "she-ro". "Comedy is the easiest job I've ever had. Two simple rules! Be yourself and have a good time, and people pay you for it!" she exclaims. "My last job? Nine hard years, and do you know they fired me for nothing? True story! After nine years, my boss came to my office, woke me up, and told me to never come back." The audience seems to really connect with her enthusiasm, as she goes into another job she was fired from -- working at a fried chicken restaurant. (Let's hope it wasn't Popeyes.)
After her set wraps, Russell mentions that he's completely impressed, and is happy to see her. Roseanne thinks she's topped herself from last time, and the two share a mutual love for each other. So sweet.
Second Montage -- Already?
Dana Eagle jokes about donating to charity, especially when she view herself as more of "the cause". This year, she lost a few friends to babies, and it's been a very debilitating disease. "Why do we congratulate people when they have kids? Shouldn't we wait to see how they turn out first?" she asks. Gerald Kelly talks about how he's super happy to be divorced, and it should have been obvious when he found his female wedding guests to be super attractive. Erin Jackson talks about an allergic reaction she had, which included a medical bill for a little under a grand. Alingon Mitra jokes about how men want to see a woman naked, while women want to see a man in a suit. "When women flash it's called Girls Gone Wild. When men flash, it's called America's Most Wanted," he says.
Rocky LaPorte, the internationally adored grandfather, is up next. Wanda worries about his pace. As a recapper of the show, I'm fine with his pace. The slower the better, man.
Most of Rocky's first joke is censored, so I'm not even too sure what he's talking about. A zoo? Ah. It's a zoo with common animals. In the bathroom of the zoo, he mentions a sign that says that you can't smoke or eat in the bathroom. "Who the hell's going to eat in the bathroom of a zoo?" he asks. "Hey Jimmy. When you're done washing that duck, go to the bathroom and make sure nobody's eating in there, will ya?"
Roseanne digs his insight, but wishes he "wanted it harder" and "brought it more." It's semifinals, you know? There just weren't enough laughs for Roseanne. Keenen thinks he started too slow. Russell, however, is totally positive with his review.
Rod Man will be closing out the night. He set the bar high during his first set, so let's hope he has some solid material for this round.
His set starts out with a complaint about LA traffic, and the carpool lane. He was pulled over by the police, for not having another occupant in the car. "I looked at him, and looked at his motorcycle, I said, you don't have another occupant on your motorcycle, so. As a matter of fact, why don't you leave your motorcycle and get in the car with me." Rod Man then talks about drinking responsibly, and how he had to pull over after having one too many at the club, and was seen by a cop. "You can't take credit for this apprehension right here," he stated, after the officer asked him why he pulled him over.
Roseanne loves his commentary on mundane things, and Russell thinks he absolutely killed it. JB Smoove says the comedy is over, but the drama is about to begin. Uh oh.
JB announces the Comic Comeback opportunity, before announcing the last five that'll make it into the top 10. Are you guys nervous? I'm a little nervous.
First to be called is Lachlan Patterson, followed by (surprisingly) Rocky LaPorte. Third to be announced is DC Benny, who was mega-tired when his name was announced. Nikki Carr advances next, and she has tears in her eyes. Rod Man takes up the final slot in the final ten.
Next Week: The competition shifts into high gear! The challenge round is next, and surprising challenges are afoot. Sketchy situations will happen! Ellen Degeneres is involved somehow! Cheryl Hines will be around to see two more contestants eliminated. In short: This is bound to be interesting.
Watch an all new Last Comic Standing next Thursday at 10pm on NBC.
(Image courtesy of NBC)