'Survivor: One World' Finale Recap: May the Best Woman Win
'Survivor: One World' Finale Recap: May the Best Woman Win
John Kubicek
John Kubicek
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
For the first time in Survivor history, it's all about the women. Here we are with only five players left on the finale of Survivor: One World and they're all women. There's Kim, the clearly deserving winner who's been running the show ever since the Merge. There's Chelsea, her loyal number two, and Sabrina the wild card. Then there's Alicia, the totally delusional nut job who think she's in charge and Christina, the worthless player who's only there because she's not a threat to anyone.

Who will outlast, outwit and outplay? Find out in tonight's three-hour Survivor: One World overload.

Thanks to the season-long wrap-up and opening credits and commercials, you can actually skip the first 10 minutes of the episode without missing anything. I really wish CBS would trim these Survivor finales down to two hours instead of three.

I kind of love how bat-poop insane Alicia has become, thinking she's playing the best game ever. And how Kim is clearly manipulating everyone, but no one seems to think she's a target. How is she doing that?

Immunity Challenge #1: Man, they really step up the challenges in the finale. First there's a balance beam maze, then a cargo net with puzzle pieces, then a puzzle that gives them numbers to a combination lock they need to open. I'm out of breath just listening to Jeff Probst describe it.

Alicia and Chelsea are the first two through the maze, followed by Sabrina, then Kim and Christina. Alicia loses a lot of time on the cargo net. At the puzzle, Sabrina and Christina fall way behind while Kim takes the lead with Alicia close behind.

Then Kim wins immunity for the third time! Not that she needs it since she still has that hidden Immunity Idol. At this point, no one other that Kim can possibly make an argument to win. It makes it kind of boring since there's almost no way she can lose at this point.

Kim is torn between voting out Alicia or Chelsea. Making matters worse is the fact that Chelsea knows about Kim's Idol and expects her to use it on her since Kim doesn't need it and this is the last time it can be played.

Tribal Council #1: Kim gets to talk a lot about the difficulty of playing with her heart vs. her head. It's almost like she's rehearsing her final speech to the jury already. Thenn Jeff asks all the other girls to make their case directly to Kim, because even Jeff Probst knows Kim is the most likely person to win.

Alicia is voted out 3-2. So Kim stayed loyal to Chelsea, but Kat seems to think Kim is being disloyal to Alicia. At least Alicia seems to recognize that Kim is the best and can separate personal feelings from strategic ones. It also feeds into Alicia's delusion that she was the biggest threat, which someone like Alicia will appreciate.

The "Memory Walk" where the final four reminisce about all the fallen contestants could definitely be scrapped to help take an hour off this finale. What a complete waste of time, especially since hey have a reunion right after the finale.

It's almost worth it, however, because Colton admits that him leaving the game was God's way of saying what a spoiled little bitch he is. I'm not sure if God calls people bitches, but if He did, Colton would certainly deserve it.

Final Immunity Challenge: Holy crap, this challenge is impossible. A giant wire maze sits on a spring and the castaways must navigate 10 bowls through the maze and stack them on top. I feel like I say this every season, but this looks like the hardest challenge ever.

Kim and Christina take the early lead while Sabrina falls out of it right away.

Kim wins immunity! For the fourth time, she takes individual immunity and realistically, she just won the game. Kim has dominated in challenges and in strategy. This is the biggest no-brainer ever and he next hour is a waste of everyone's time.

Afterwards Christina wants everyone to be upfront about everything, so she asks Kim point blank and Kim tells her the truth: Christina is going. I appreciate that Christina is OK with this, and the irony is that Christina's lack of desire to fight for herself makes Kim WANT to keep her because she knows no one will vote for Christina. Don't waste time thinking, Kim, you're going to win no matter who else is with you.

Final Tribal Council: Everyone is kind of in awe that Christina admits she's going home. Jeff Probst tries to cause some drama by begging Christina to defend herself and not just lay down and die. Jeff is right to make her fight for it, but at the same time, Christina is right. The only argument she could make is that she won't get any votes at the end, but if she was successful in convincing them of that, it would prove she'd be able to win.

Christina is voted out 3-1. Duh. Now it's time for more filler. If the show really wanted to throw a curveball, it would have the jury ask questions IMMEDIATELY after the last person is voted out.

THE JURY vs. THE FINAL 3

Chelsea's Opening Statement: She admits that Kim is the reason she's there, but she also claims she cared less about everyone than Kim did. I really don't get that strategy. She basically said Kim and I were strategically equal, but Kim is also more likeable.

Kim's Opening Statement: She basically says she's proud of every decision she made because it was strategically the best move for her. She plays the "It's a game" card a lot.

Sabrina's Opening Statement: Her strategy was basically not to step up. Wow, that's an even worse speech than Chelsea's because she admitted she didn't make decisions and let Kim and Chelsea do all the thinking. She also plays on sympathy by telling everyone she just got fired from teaching inner-city school children.

Jonas: He's jovial and says Sabrina is the most popular, but she sucked a challenges. He also tells Chelsea she's the hottest chick. Chelsea says she was behind voting out Kat and Kim is forced to defend not bringing Christina to the end, and she does a great job by saying it didn't matter.

Christina: She forces Kim to say who she'd have voted out if she saved Christina, and Kim says Chelsea because she was a bigger threat. Then she asks Chelsea why she hates people. Ouch!

Jay: He calls out Sabrina for her "do nothing" strategy. Then he calls Jerff "your honor."

Mike: He wants to know what a blindside is, and he seems to think Kim screwed up by taking all the blame for the blindsides.

Tarzan: He thanks God for letting him have this adventure and letting his wife show up on the island, and he uses a bunch of big words. It's sweet, and Chelsea chimes in that Tarzan's romance with his wife is what she wants.

Leif: Kim admits she could never really trust him, which is why she didn't feel bad about getting rid of him. Sabrina admits getting rid of him was all Kim's idea and she just went along with it.

Alicia: She basically says Kim played the best game and Chelsea and Sabrina were her pawns. She also claims she would've won if she was in the finale.

Troyzan: He's gracious but forces Kim to ask one question that will prove whether she deserves to win. He wants to know when Kim made the decision to target him, and she says simply that it was when she took out Jonas.

Kat: She's angry, but she tells everyone her secret that she had open-heart surgeries as a kid and is going to have another one next year. Then she admits that she's not going to vote out of anger because anger isn't good and life is short so she forgives everyone and decides to smile. Wow, Kat just got really smart!

Overall, the jury interrogation was perhaps the most civil one this show has ever seen. There was no bitterness or anger, just acceptance and admiration for the final three girls playing a great game. That's boring, as is the fact that it's very obvious everyone thinks Kim deserves it more than everyone.

Troyzan votes for Sabrina (I guess Kim answered poorly) and Kat votes for Kim. I'm hoping/guessing the other 7 votes are for Kim too.

Th first vote is for...KIM
The second vote is for...SABRINA
The third vote is for...KIM
The fourth vote is for...SABRINA
The fifth vote is for...KIM
The sixth vote is for...KIM
The seventh vote is for...KIM

KIM SPRADLIN IS THE WINNER OF SURVIVOR: ONE WORLD!

Tell me something I didn't know back at the Merge when it was obvious Kim was running this show. The only surprising thing is that at least two people voted for someone other than Kim.

REUNION THOUGHTS

Jeff Probst knows Kim played the best game and it wasn't just because she won four individual immunity challenges.

After a show of hands, it turns out Kim got seven votes, and the only two votes for Sabrina came from Troyzan and Leif.

Jay looks insanely hot, like a CW star, with short hair.

Jeff totally forgets that Matt was eliminated BEFORE Colton got everyone to give up tribal immunity.

Tarzan thinks he knew what he was doing. And he's still talking like an SAT prep course.

Troyzan correctly points out that most people were playing out of fear to live one more day instead of playing fearlessly to win, which is what everyone should be doing.

Kim says she thought she'd won right after the game was over, but then doubted it as time went on.

Colton admits that he was a very, very mean person. He also claims he's not a racist because he'd make out with Shemar Moore faster than any woman. Colton seems to sort of understand how ignorant he looked, but he also seems to enjoy it.

Colton's mom stands up and is kind of embarrassed of how her son is behaving. She does a better job apologizing for Colton than Colton did, but she's still proud of him. Aww, she's the best mom ever!

Then things get awkward when Jeff tries to talk to her about Colton's coming out and she just kind of sheepishly talks about how some family members aen't accepting of him.

Mayim Bialik is in the audience and she loves Colton. That's odd.

It's also unusual, because Jeff takes an informal poll of the audience and most people seem to think Colton is just a terrible person and not a great Survivor villain. Jeff gives Colton about 100 chances to redeem himself, and none of them seem particularly authentic or genuine to me.

I'm guessing Colton is actually a more complex person than he seems on TV, but I also think he's probably still kind of a dick.

Tarzan had has his nickname since he was 8.

Tarzan is still just as crazy as he was on the show. He's definitely a character and his relationship with his wife really is incredibly sweet, except for when Jeff gets him to essentially admit that his wife screams out "TARZAN" when they make love.

Kat is an odd mix of crazy and sincere, and I'm now hopelessly in love with her.

The Fan Favorite came down to Chelsea, Kim, Tarzan and Troyzan.

KIM WINS FAN FAVORITE AND GETS ANOTHER $100,000!

Wow, that's just a bit unfair. Also, I feel like Kat would've won if we got to see her heart suirgery speech earlier.

Christina might have the best attitude towards the show out of everyone who has ever played. She was horribly bullied and mocked by everyone, but she doesn't care about it at all because she knows it's just a game and she was only there to win.


(Image courtesy of CBS)