'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Recap: You'll Never Look at Clams the Same Way Again
'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Recap: You'll Never Look at Clams the Same Way Again
Jennifer Lind-Westbrook
Jennifer Lind-Westbrook
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
In this episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Yolanda offers more evidence that she is indeed the perfect wife. Kim plans to get a nose job. It has become impossible to get through a Real Housewives season without watching a cast member get jammed in the face with a needle or undergo some unnecessary and graphic plastic surgery. Adrienne and Paul continue to bum everybody out. And some of the ladies head to Vegas to help Brandi with her new business venture.

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Yolanda has Kyle and Lisa over to have lunch with herself and Suzanne Somers. Apparently, Yolanda, who wants to age naturally and gracefully (tell that to her forehead), thought they could all benefit from Suzanne's experience and knowledge in the area. It has to be said that whatever Suzanne is doing, it's working. She looks gorgeous. Lisa dismisses any regimen that requires swallowing 40 pills per day -- insert obvious joke here.

Brandi is prepping for her involvement in "Night School 4 Girls." The syllabus remains muddled, but apparently there will be provocative dancing and some other stuff to help frigid housewives unleash their inner strippers. She reveals that her ex-husband had a pole put in their bedroom to spice up the couple's sex life. Well, we all know how that worked out. It doesn't appear it got much use, since she heads to a studio in LA to get a few pointers. To say Brandi is a natural would be an understatement. She admits herself that she found her mojo.

Kyle has a small get-together to celebrate her daughter's graduation from elementary school. In attendance are the perpetually tense Maloofs as well as Faye Reznick. Of course, conversation turns to evil Brandy and her evil ways. Adrienne thanks Faye for ripping Brandi a new one at Kyle's disastrous dinner party. Everyone voices their support to Paul and Adrienne for what has to be the umpteenth time. The fact that nobody can really talk about the situation makes dwelling on it even more annoying. We get it, Kyle and Mauricio, you're on their side. Maybe they should all get T-shirts made.

Kim, who seems to be settling into yet another new house, has hired herself a "houseman" named Milton. While providing support to a friend during her consultation, Kim decides to get a nose job. She wants more extreme procedures but supposedly the plastic surgeon refused.

Brandi, Lisa, Marisa, Kyle, Camille and Brandi's friend Jennifer, who I recognize as the sober house manager from Celebrity Rehab, finally make it to Vegas. The accommodations are top notch, of course, and Brandi is anxious to show the ladies a good time so they won't think of her "as the girl who says shut the f*** all the time."

Back in La-La land, Yolanda takes it upon herself to share her philosophy with viewers on relationships between men and women, "Let's get it straight. Men love beautiful women, and beautiful women love rich men," she states. There's temptation everywhere." She goes on babbling until she finally gets to her point, which is that her marriage is perfect. "If you really found your true love; it should be easy." I can't recall a more disingenuous housewife in the entire history of the franchise. Here's hoping that Marisa replaces Yolanda next season.

The women go to dinner their first night in Vegas, and Brandi attempts to explain the origin of her often aggressive and defensive behavior. She talks quite candidly about her split with Eddie Cibrian. It is quite different to hear how things unraveled from the source as opposed to reading about it in US magazine. Let's just say that Brandi fared pretty well in the eyes of the other ladies. The same cannot be said of LeAnn Rimes.

The dinner conversation lightens up, and of course the conversation turns to female genitalia as it always does when girls get together and down a few bottles of wine. All the women force Kyle to swallow an oyster. "I don't like slimy, squishy things that are in that shape [a vagina]. I'd rather have a hot dog," Kyle jokes. Yeah, we get it Kyle, you are not a lesbian. Lisa insists she will not be swinging around a "bloody pole."

The next morning, Yolanda joins the group, and they all head to a sound stage where they get a better idea of what to expect. They meet one of the founders/partners of "Night School 4 Girls," which is a pole dancing and burlesque class. The partner, Bri, assures the women that they will not emerge professional strippers. Apparently, Brandi's role will be to emcee or conduct the class. She gets off to a rocky start but eventually finds her voice.

No major blowups this week, but according to Bravo's carefully edited preview, next week's episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills will be as sour as Yolanda's lemons.

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(Image courtesy of Bravo)