Kid Nation

Previously on Kid Nation: Divad became a businesswoman desperate for people to notice how hard she's working, Pharaoh worked hard too, but the Town Council questioned his motives, and adorably quirky home-schooled Nathan won a Gold Star for not acting like a kid.  Also, Jared became even awesomer by dressing up like the Bonanza City Pimp.

Tonight's Kid Nation features a talent show!  I don't care if they're kids, I'll be putting on my best Simon Cowell impression, so they better bring it.  Sophia starts this episode by staging a bored sit-in, getting all the kids to just lay down in the middle of the town for no reason.  I don't know why these kids are so bored, they just need to watch Jared and they'll be entertained like me.  He proves me right by blaming the Dark Ages on the elimination of art and entertainment.  Jared is going to become the most popular guy when he gets to college.

DK and a band of non-Town Council members ring the bell and gather everyone to call for something to be done about this plague of boredom sweeping the Kid Nation.  The real Town Council gathers to read the Magic Journal, which tells them to put on a talent show.  To anyone who says this show isn't scripted: how do you explain that the kids are always complaining about the one thing the Magic Journal happens to talk about?

There's a sign-up sheet for the talent show, and Olivia is doing stand-up comedy.  Wow, that takes courage.  Other kids prepare playing a harmonica or the piano.  Kennedy is gonna do some cheesy comedy dance routine.  Jared is going to do a Shakespearean monologue, of course.  My friend Rob called that as his talent based solely on the previews last week.  But he has some competition: Greg and Blaine are doing the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet.  Ha!  And, awesome!  But mostly, HA!  The Town Council considers giving the winner of the talent show the Gold Star.

Savannah and Kennedy makes a homestyle Kentucky meal, and feels sad about being away from home.  Alex tries to talk her into staying.  His black shades make him look a bit like a young, Asian Neo.  Natasha (who?) and Migle (WHO?) are BFFs not doing anything because they're Upper Class.  Greg and Blaine hatch a plan to throw the Showdown to force those girls to do physical labor.  They tell them as such to get them to work hard.  That's a pretty creative punishment.

Kid Nation Showdown Time!  Anjay tries to psych his team up, but they're all determined to throw it.  I kind of feel bad for Anjay, because he's such an ineffective leader.  Each team has a paint-by-letters board, but instead of paint, they use bubble gum.  Kids chew the proper colored gum ball, and the team leaders take the ABC gum and stick it on the board.  Where's Violet Beauregarde when you need her?  The reward comes if they all finish in less than an hour.  Their jaws are going to be hurting a whole lot afterwards.  This is so nasty.  Greg informs us that he never intended to throw the challenge and it was just an empty threat.

Green finally wins a Showdown and become Upper Class for the first time.  Blue is close behind, thanks to Greg's scheme to convince Migle and Natasha to work hard.  Red comes in third, and Guylan is literally throwing up in his mouth.  I think someone is misusing the word "literally."  The yellow team doesn't finish in time, so there's no reward.  We still get to see the options: paint to make the town beautiful, and an all-night block party package with music, strobe lights and balloons.

That night, Savannah cries some more about wanting to go home, while Jared is having serious doubts about his ability to pull off the Shakespearean monologue.  The next morning, Taylor does some laundry as a member of the labor class.

Kid Nation Talent Show!  Kelsey plays the piano (yawn).  Then we get some kids I've never seen before doing bird calls and singing a song while playing the piano.  Now it's Jared's turn to do a monologue from Henry V.  He says it best: "I wasn't the worst."  Greg and Blaine are hilarious in their scene, with Blaine taking the difficult task of dressing up like a woman.  Olivia does her stand-up, and it's very weak, but everyone seems to like it.  Please, Jaye P. Morgan would've gonged her in five seconds.  Kennedy gets up and does some awful rapping, then dances like a buffoon, hopefully to cheer up Savannah.  She doesn't need to be embarrassed, because I'm embarrassed enough for the both of us.  When it's all done, Savannah raises her hand to say she's decided to stay.

As the town nominates kids for the Gold Star, Kennedy and Olivia get a lot of votes because they were both "funny" at the talent show.  Olivia thinks Kennedy should get it, but Kennedy thinks Sophia deserves a second one.  If that's allowed, I'm all for it.

Kid Nation Town Council Meeting!  DK wants Laurel to show off her singing talent.  She sings "Amazing Grace," and I gotta be honest, it was a little pitchy, dawg.  But it was a great deal better than her Boston accent.  No one goes home, and it's time for the Gold Star.  Kennedy wins it, for acting like a fool in order to convince Savannah to stay.  She gets on the phone with her mom, and there's a whole lot of crying.  But it's not over: Divad is unhappy about not winning.  It's an unusual ending, and if this were a drama, it would foreshadow some evil scheme Divad pulls on the Town Council.

On the next episode of Kid Nation: the teams get mixed up and no one's happy about it.  Jared threatens Guylan with impeachment while Greg threatens to punch Anjay in the face.


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of CBS)