When the Sex Pistols broke in '78, Johnny Rotten summed up his experience with the band by famously asking, "Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?" Yes, the Kardashians and early British punk bands only have an excessive reliance on hair care products in common. However, that statement about feeling cheated perfectly sums up my feelings about the season 7 finale.
It's an overly padded episode. Bits about Khloe and Kim's fertility treatments or Bruce reliving his Olympic glory days stumble around without any meaningful direction. It's all waiting games for the last 10 minutes, when Kourtney gives birth to Penelope Scotland Disick in what may be the most interesting moment of the season. It's only interesting because of how weird the entire situation is. Here's a rundown of what made Keeping Up with the Kardashians' final moments so completely nuts.
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1. Scott Disick Isn't Excited At All
Most people describe watching their children first come into this world as life-changing. Surprise! Scott Disick isn't most people.
He's strangely detached during the entire scene. When leaving for the hospital, he bids Kris and the gang farewell, saying, "Alright, we're gonna go have kids. See ya." Not "I'm off to witness the mother of my children deliver an entirely new life her body made from scratch like some person-making magician." Even when seeing his daughter's first moments on this planet, Scott looks so bored he may as well be watching infomercials at 4am.
2. Mason Gets Bribed So He'll Like His Sister
This part boggles my mind. Kourtney wants to make sure Mason's excited about meeting his sister. Hmmm ... maybe she'll simply explain the importance of family and how Mason now has another person who will love him unconditionally.
Nah, that's lame. Buying him gifts and saying they're from his sister is a much better solution, except for that part about how it really isn't. Thank God Kourtney did that because it totally enforces the Kardashian Koncept that if you love someone, don't show it with your actions -- just buy them things! If you'll excuse me for a second, I'll be off vomiting from my allergies to blatant materialism.
3. There's a Camera Crew in the Room
By far the weirdest thing about Kourtney's birth is that it's being broadcast on national television. Okay, lots of families record births. It's a momentous occasion. What families don't do is invite their professional camera crews into the delivery room and hope it gets their syndicated television show ratings.
This is a child whose first moments include exposure to lighting equipment and public scrutiny right from their induction into the "Newly Alive Humans" club. Kourtney's daughter Penelope will be raised without any expectation of distinguishing between public and private life. Out of everything else, this is by far the weirdest thing about the entire episode.
Even with all that, this season finale was an incredible letdown. I'm filled with intense joy knowing that, from now on, every Sunday won't be filled with dread keeping up with this incredibly vapid parody of American family life. Maybe I'm missing something, though. Were you touched by watching Kourtney give birth to Penelope? Did you think it was a good way of wrapping up season 7 of Keeping Up with the Kardashians
? Feel free to comment and let us know.
Daniel MikelonisContributing Writer(Image courtesy of E!)