This is the semi-true story of one fat bottomed girl with no discernible skills so desperate to become famous that she and her entire family will parade around on a weekly reality show. On that show, the girl, famous solely for starring in a sex tape, will attempt to shed that image by associating herself with Girls Gone Wild
and Playboy. Welcome to Keeping Up with the Kardashians
, also known as the eighth circle of Hell. The ninth circle is reserved for the people who greenlit this show.
This episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians
begins with Kris, Kim Kardashian
's mother and manager, receiving a phone call asking for Kim to pose for the celebrity December issue of Playboy. Kris is absolutely in love with the idea, because Manager comes before Mother in the dictionary.
Kim is reticent, and says she would be more inclined to do Playboy if her sex tape never came out. That's a bit of a Catch 22, because if the tape never came out, Playboy would have no interest in asking her to pose for them. Kris keeps pushing the idea on her daughter, and papa Bruce Jenner
has issues, but the Kardashians shove it in his face that he posed for Playgirl back in his Olympic swimmer days. Kim agrees to do it, so long as there's a guarantee of no nudity. Playboy without nudity? Isn't that just Maxim?
Bruce and Kris have a conversation in which he argues against it, bringing up plenty of great points about how this is better for Playboy than for Kim's career. He's calm and level-headed and explains that he's against it, but it doesn't matter what he says. I think I love Bruce Jenner, but it's clear he wields absolutely no power in the Kardashian house.
Bruce doesn't agree with the decision, but he helps Kim work out anyway, because he's a wonderful human being. During the workout, Khloe mocks him. I mock her parents' poor spelling ability.
At the photo shoot, Kris shows up with her hair done and prepared to get her makeup. Kim rolls her eyes at her mom's poor parenting skills, and we learn that Kris has a lifelong dream of posing for Playboy, so she suggests a mother/daughter issue. Classy. The photographer wants Kim to take her top off, but she refuses.
The family gathers around back at home to look at the photos. I thought the premise of this show was to prove that the Kardashians are just like your average family. As payback, Kim decides to play manager for a day for her mother, who will do her own nude photo shoot. This is so messed up. At Kris' photo shoot, the mom is draped in nothing but an American flag and gold medals. Kim calls her mom a gold digger to her face, because disrespecting your parents is hilarious. Kim's idea for revenge is short-lived because her mom is all-too-happy being topless in front of the camera.
Later, Kris gets another phone call. Hugh Hefner wants a meeting, and they want Kim to do some reshoots with more nudity. At the mansion, Kris is flashing loads of cleavage and urging her daughter to steal some Playboy swag. Hef compliments Kim's "booty," then the old man says Kim needs to do some tasteful and classy topless photos. He says that Marilyn Monroe was the first celebrity centerfold, which satisfies Kim's concerns. Yeah, Marilyn, Kim Kardashian, they're about the same.
The reshoot goes easily enough as Kim agrees to be nude so long as she's draped in diamonds and pearls. Later, the family gathers for the unveiling of...Kris' nude Olympic photo. One daughter calls her mom a "sexy beeyoch," and Bruce seems happy enough. "Shame" is not a word a single person in that house understands.
On the next Keeping Up with the Kardashians
: Khloe freaks out at her store. Kim drinks and drives. Somehow, I'm willing to bet that will only be the third or fourth worst decision in the episode.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of E!)