has reached a crucial time in the results shows. Not only are we down to the final 7, leaving a relatively clear dichotomy of top and bottom contestants, but the judges only have two more opportunities to use the Save, or lose it FOREVER (a season). So, obviously, they will use it.
, and if she is eliminated tonight, they'll use it on that strong Top 6 to give everyone another week to sing. We've got a schedule to stick to.
alums James Durbin and Jennifer Hudson are performing tonight, so I will enjoy at least one of those performances! I hope James goes right up to Colton and goes: "I INVENTED STANDING ON PIANOS," then turns to the audience and asks, "what do YOU guys think!?"
AHHH!! The best thing happened!! Ryan Seacrest got in at the very end of the group number! He slid in front of the final tableau, legs inexplicably in the air, raising his red Coca Cola cup above his head. How much did they have to pay him to do that? Whoever had that idea, I love them forever.
I don't even care about the terrible, Napoleon Dynamite
inspired Ford Music Video this week. Ryan Seacrest just made my night. The contestants got some celeb half-hearted tweets. Colton got invited to prom by Katie of Wichita, Kansas. Hollie got an invite to Spring Formal from a surprisingly hot dude. Elise got some feather jewelry for herself and Steven. Ryan made a funny joke about Quinceanera invitations. He is really on a roll again tonight.Hollie and Jessica
are going head to head for the first results tonight. Will Hollie fulfill our expectations by heading for the bottom three, or will Jessica be penalized for singing a song we weren't super familiar with? Jimmy called Hollie stiff and contrived, and Jessica the effortless, winner of the night. Hollie? Ya BURNT. God, Jessica's legs are thin.
Hollie starts a group on the right side of the stage, Jessica starts a group on the left. I know whose group I would prefer to be in tonight. Although, she was wearing that jumpsuit ...James Durbin is performing
a song from his album, which is titled "Memories of a Beautiful Disaster." So overwrought. He's got blonde hair now, y'all. Take that, Colton, he probably did it first. He's singing into a vocal modifier, which works for the song, but not for the context. GIVE US THE REAL JAMES! THE PEOPLE DEMAND IT! While we're making requests, can I ask that he take off those blinding white sneakers? He screamed a lot, and when he was finished screaming, the contestants clapped slowly, reservedly.
Oh my god, of COURSE James Durbin is touring with Evanescence. It's a match made in gothic HEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLL YEEEEEAAHHHHHHHHHH. (That was me screaming into a distorter).
Back to the groups: Phillip and Elise
hear results next. Do you think Ryan practices this with his Beanie Babies at home? So many Beanie Babies, I bet. The judges raved about Elise and not so much about Phillip. Jimmy says they're both singer/songwriters and "character singers." Jimmy thinks Phillip will be in the bottom 3 tonight, and that Elise might also be, despite being "technically correct." So either of them moving to a group won't answer anything for us. Phillip joins Hollie, and Elise joins Jessica
Just stopping by on her way to an EGOT, it's Jennifer Hudson
! Oh my god she looks stunning. Weight Watchers is the way! And her hair is fierce. And Ne-Yo? Shut up, this is awesome. Jennifer Hudson is showing off that acting ability in this performance, giving Ne-Yo all kinds of looks. Can she be Whitney Houston in the biopic everyone's discussing?Colton and Joshua
hit the stage next. So it is Skylar who must choose. Jimmy thinks they both did well, and he's "in" on both of them. Colton still hasn't gotten the ubiquitous standing ovation?? What's going on with that? Even Jennifer Lopez can't believe it. "I thought we stood for everyone!"Joshua stands with Jessica and Elise
, which the audience has already determined is the winning group, demonstrated by applause. Colton joins Hollie and Phillip
. Uh oh, Colton and Phillip!
Skylar is up last. Jimmy thinks she is just great, not to be left behind. He was floored, and hopes Skylar doesn't get left behind. He predicts Phillip, Elise, and Hollie will be the bottom three. Skylar is safe
, and Ryan graciously didn't make her choose a group. Oops, I spoke too soon because Ryan asked her to pick the group she belongs with. Skylar said, "no!" and walked away. Good girl, not acknowledging that. He places her with Hollie, Colton, and Phillip in a big twist. Joshua, Jessica, and Elise are in the bottom three.
Time to use the Save! Jimmy thinks this is wrong, wrong, wrong, but I kind of get it. I wonder if Joshua and Jessica are getting too advanced, too mature, too boring for the viewers. Randy says this is messed up. I only sort of agree.
No one can offer up an explanation (except me! Let's talk later. Text me or something, Ryan). Joshua is safe
. Jennifer looks like she's ready to solve a murder. The person at risk is Jessica Sanchez
. The judges freaked out. I wish I had gotten a screen cap of Jennifer's face. It was great. I can't even believe it! Before the judges can interrupt with "we will save her!" Ryan hands Jessica the microphone.
The judges go up on stage like this was all scripted. Jennifer grabs the microphone, "GIMME THAT MIC! OF COURSE WE'RE USING THE SAVE
! GO SIT DOWN." Jessica looks like they just woke her up to go to school on a Saturday. I teared up a little. I love when stuff happens like this.
"We are saving Jessica without ANY DOUBT," Randy declares. Ryan doesn't like when he's not in control of things. "She is one of the best singers in AMERICA. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!" Randy shouts.
"I don't expect anything," Jessica says winningly. She was almost Pia Toscano'ed right outta here! But I love that girl. For filler, Ryan has Jessica sing us out. The Top 7 remain for another week!5 Reasons Why Jessica Was on the Bottom>>
What a whirlwind five minutes! Did you collapse from all the excitement? Will you suffer from PTSD?