'Big Brother 14' Recap: Wil vs. Joe in the Week 5 Eviction
'Big Brother 14' Recap: Wil vs. Joe in the Week 5 Eviction
John Kubicek
John Kubicek
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
The long national nightmare that was the past week of Big Brother 14 is officially over. As soon as Frank won the HoH last week, we knew Joe and Wil would be nominated. Within one day the target changed from Joe to Wil, and then everything else played out exactly as expected. The live feeds have been so boring that the show has resorted to bringing back fan favorites like the Zingbot and Jeff Schroeder to drum up any kind of excitement about this season.

But hopefully tonight will change all of that. It's time for a new HoH, and it's sure to be an interesting one. Right now HoH seems like a bit of a hot potato. Nobody wants to make a big move this early (sure, the finale is in less than five weeks, but there are still 11 people in the house as of the start of this episode). So the strong competitors like everyone in the Silent Six are reticent to win because they don't want to have to waste an HoH getting rid of someone as useless and nonthreatening as Joe or Ashley, but they also don't want to make themselves a target by going after a big fish like Frank or Dan.

But let's get this show on the road. And more importantly, let's hope Julie Chen finally gives us some details about how they plan on getting rid of seven more people before the finale since there are only four Thursday live eviction episodes left.

I don't know what makes me laugh harder: Julie Chen trying to make it sound like this season isn't super boring, Shane for egotistically thinking he's the biggest target in the house or Baby Zingbot. Oh, who am I kidding., It's Baby Zingbot! CBS should totally sell those things, because they would make great stocking stuffers.

After the Power of Veto

Seriously, they're going to try and put some stuff in here to make it look like there's any chance Wil won't get evicted? Let's not pretend that Joe or Wil's campaigning has ANY influence on the decision this week. But it doesn't help that Wil theorizes that there's a super alliance picking off himself, Joe and Ashley one-by-one while Joe shamelessly promises that he won't nominate anyone.

Britney is upset that Frank even considered nominating Dan. I guess the fact that he didn't means nothing. Britney, in full panic mode, asks Dan if he's going to win HoH, and he hilariously responds "not in the foreseeable future." Even when he's so close to potentially getting backdoored, Dan STILL sticks to his "throw every competition" strategy. You have to admire that dedication to a plan.

Ashley's Two Boyfriends

Ashley asks Frank out on an ice cream date right in front of Ian, which is just cold. The date itself has no ice cream, but plenty of booze. Ashley, who sees the writing on the wall about Wil being evicted, is shamelessly flirting with Frank as a game strategy, and she has the cojones to say that it's NOT a game move.

Frank makes his "move," which is just to ask a woman straight out if she wants to make out. It works and the two start making out on the couch. She compares him to Channing Tatum. Um, no. NO! Clearly she's as dumb as I think she is if she thinks Frank and Channing are in any way, shape or form similar. It seems like they're both entering into the showmance for purely strategic reasons.

HoH Update

Hey, Julie Chen lets us know early on that tonight's HoH competition is endurance! And we get to tweet whether we want the HGs to be tempted to quit with a Have-Not Pass or $10,000. Ooh, I hope it's the money, and I really hope that whoever takes it gets evicted, because that would be shameless. Especially if it's someone like Boogie.

Joe's Family

As filler we get to meet Joe's family. Joe's wife instantly wins my heart by shouting at the camera. I'm less amused by Joe's son's blonde mohawk, but at least his kids hate his dyed soul patch and how loud he is. Once again I hope that one of these days Big Brother will do an "It's All Relative" season where the HGs are all relatives of past HGs. Get Joe's wife in the house now!

Jeff Schroeder's Take

Before we see him we get a quick montage of Jeff Schroeder's best moments. They are pimping him hard. Maybe he's being groomed to replace Julie Chen as a host next season? He is doing exit interviews for CBS this season and he even gets the chance to ask Julie Chen a question. She says if she were to play, she'd be a Janelle/Boogie type who would never be a floater. I really think, after 14 seasons and now that she has The Talk, Chen might want out and Jeff would actually be a pretty great new host.

He tells us that he and Jordan are living together in California and there's a deadline of June 5 for him to pop the question. Jeff says that anyone can win and tries to avoid picking any favorites. But he does say that he's rooting for Ian.

Julie Chats with the HGs

Julie decides to give the HGs some info about what's going on in the real world. They learn that Jennifer Aniston is engaged and that the United States won the most gold medals. And that Dwight Howard got traded to the L.A. Lakers and that R-Patz and K-Stew have broken up. Britney is heartbroken about the last one.

Nominee Speeches

Wil starts with a joke and then gets sentimental about how much he loves his family and how leaving isn't the worst thing.

Joe does some insanely dumb speech about speaking loudly and Sharon Osbourne. Julie Chen literally cuts him off. I hope he enjoyed that, because I didn't.

The Vote

Ashley votes to evict...JOE
Boogie votes to evict...WIL
Danielle votes to evict...WIL
Jenn votes to evict...JOE
Dan votes to evict...WIL (but first he tells Julie she's the most beautiful and best host on TV)
Britney votes to evict...WIL
Shane votes to evict...WIL (he also praises Julie's beauty)
Ian votes to evict...WIL

WIL IS EVICTED 6-2!

No big surprise. However, I'd like to point out that Dan and Shane are clearly pandering to the viewers in an attempt to ensure being voted America's Favorite. At least that's what I think is the actual reason for their comments about Julie Chen.

Wil annoyingly gets into his jean shorts and captain's hat before leaving. Wil thinks he's out because everyone thought he was more likely to win than Joe. Dan is a nice guy about how he wanted to work with Wil but Wil's emotions got in the way. Boogie says basically the same thing.

HoH Competition

The endurance HoH competition is the slippery path where HGs must transfer liquid from one side to the other to get a cork out. Sigh, this one always benefits the big strong guys, so I have a sinking feeling that Shane could win again. The girls are gonna be too weak, Ian is too small, Joe and Boogie are too old and Dan doesn't want to win.

There are also two added temptations of smaller jugs the HGs can fill. One is for Safety (the player can't go home or be nominated) and the other is $10,000. But if you get either of them, you can NOT win HoH. Interesting.

Right away the battle lines are drawn. Boogie is the only one going for $10,000 (of course). Then five are going for safety and only three are going for HoH. This is the obvious flaw with this challenge, because there's absolutely no way to come back after you make your choice.

It seems Ashley, Britney, Dan, Jenn and Joe are going for Safety. Meanwhile, Ian, Shane and Danielle are going for HoH.

HoH Spoilers: Live Blog of This Competition>>

And next week is a DOUBLE EVICTION! Finally.


(Image courtesy of CBS)