Previously on I Love New York 2
: The final four got a visit from their families. The Entertainer
's mom called Sister Patterson
a transvestite, and somehow it got worse from there. Buddha
doesn't really care for New York because he's not into crazy, irrational chicks who blindly follow their mothers, even when they're wrong. But he still got to stay and The Entertainer went home because his mom said what we were all thinking.
and Tailor Made
are in agreement that Buddha is just there to become famous, so they want him out. This makes me admire Buddha, because the alternate (being there because he loves New York) is just plain nasty. The three men and New York travel to Miami, hometown of Dexter Morgan. Please let him take some time away from Doakes to strike!
When they check into the hotel, Buddha starts flirting with the hostess. The foursome go out to dinner, and New York is showing affection to Buddha, saying he's the only one she's been thinking of that day. Punk tells her about Buddha's flirtation, and she instantly turns cold. Buddha starts flirting with New York and playing with her, and she's back in love with him. She just went back and forth about 10 times, and it's solid proof that New York is very emotionally unstable. She takes Buddha on a night cap to "connect on a different level."
In the limo ride back, New York wants nothing to do with him. She's drinking and smoking while in the limo. In the hotel, they have a huge argument about whether she trusts him. He gives us some amateur psychology about her control issues, and she tells him to leave, then starts crying about how she doesn't want him to leave. He tries to go and she begs him to stay and starts hugging and kissing him. She tells him she loves him, and he correctly analyzes that drama is better than sex for her. This is a bit like a very, very poor man's Tennessee Williams play.
When they leave, Sister Patterson arrives to share dessert with Tailor Made and Punk. She wants Buddha gone. At the end of the night, Buddha strolls in with his shirt off and is implying that he slept with her to make Tailor Made and Punk supremely jealous. Buddha is more sexually explicit than Vincent Masuka.
The next day in the limo, Punk and Tailor Made tattle on Buddha's bragging, and New York is disgusted by Buddha's actions. They arrive at a parrot jungle, and New York is nervous, because parrots don't know how to speak proper English diction. It's not even fair for me to make fun of her when she's going to start throwing such soft balls.
New York has some solo time with Tailor Made, who tells him that Buddha is just there to further his career. A giant bird comes in for them to see, and they must stay perfectly still. The bird pees. New York takes Punk on a solo date, and it includes a giant python. New York is running away, and she's stunned that the python has a head and a tail. Punk gets to talking trash about Buddha, and New York goes along with it, because while she realizes that Buddha is trying to manipulate her, she's totally unaware that the other two men are manipulating her against Buddha. Her solo date with Buddha ends before it begins because she's so tired of him.
That afternoon, New York has a special lunch date with Punk. He vouches that he's really there for her and loves her. She asks if he's looking for love, and he says he's already found it. He takes his shirt off, and the waiter "coincidentally" brings whipped cream, and she licks it off his nipple. Then she's afraid their bond is more like friendship. Fair point: I lick whipped cream off my friends' nipples all the time.
It's time for dinner, and Tailor Made gets his solo date. He went out and bought her a dress. She's not sure what it is about him besides his constant gift giving that she likes. I suspect the answer to that mystery is: nothing. He tries to talk about what their future would be like, and he stutters the word "like" about 75 times and all he can come up with is buying expensive things for New York. They get into the nastiest, sloppiest, ugliest, most disgusting kiss I've seen yet on this show. He picks her up and takes her to the bed. They get under covers and "coincidentally," some girl walks in to say Sister Patterson is waiting for New York downstairs.
When she goes down, Punk tells Sister Patterson that Buddha is an actor, and when Buddha gets upset, he decides to storm out because he's tired of people bashing him. Tailor Made and Punk convince New York not to pursue him.
I Love New York 2
Elimination Time! New York asks her mom for advice. Sister Patterson wants Buddha to go home, and New York says her mother will be proud of her tonight. Tailor Made gets the first chain. For the other two, New York says she made a list of all Punk's characteristics and couldn't find a single flaw. Then she wrote a list for Buddha, and she doesn't trust him and he plays games with her heart. "If I look at this list," she says, "the decision is clear." Then comes the "but." I knew New York was crazy, but is she really this insane?
The answer is yes, and Punk is sent home. As a Harvard-educated man, he doesn't understand and calls her irrational. Sister Patterson agrees. When New York hugs Punk, she mouths "I love you" to Buddha. Then she says that if Buddha breaks her heart, she'll destroy him. Meanwhile, Sister Patterson tells Tailor Made to wipe the floor with Buddha, then she crosses her daughter and says "You're dead to me."
As a man of logic, I believe I just had a mild brain hemorrhage after witnessing that.
Next week on the season finale of I Love New York 2
: The two men travel to Jamaica with New York. Tailor Made is a crying bitch, and Buddha is the tough man. The choice seems obvious, so of course, I have no doubt that she will make the wrong decision and pick Buddha. It will be very fun to see him turn her down and absolutely crush her soul.
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of VH1)