We've all spent at least a little bit of time pondering which gender we'd prefer our future children to be. Little girls are sugar and spice and everything nice, but potential nightmares in their high school years (been there). And what if they grow up to be strippers, because of our terrible parenting? Little boys are rowdy and fun, but messy and destructive. And what if they grow up to be multimillionaire athletes who cheat on their wives with strippers, because of our terrible parenting? Tough choices. (As if we get a choice.)

And if we haven't thought about the baby gender thing, then last night's How I Met Your Mother surely spurred the mental discussion with a clever triple story called "Baby Talk," when Ted dates Robin's perky new co-worker who talks like a six year old, Barney challenges himself to talk like a little boy to pick up chicks, and Lily and Marshall battle it out over the future name and sex of their as yet uncreated child. Discussion and best Barney quotes (there were lots!) ahead:

Plot Points:
Marshall and Lily disagree on what to name their future child. Marshall's names lean toward NBA stars, and every other boy's name he suggests reminds Lily of a terror in her kindergarten class. (Love the flashback of the kid stabbing her in the leg with a pencil. Yikes!) All of Lily's names remind Marshall of hot girls from high school or strip clubs.
Marshall wants to have a boy, because he's afraid his daughter will grow up to be a stripper who marries an old, botoxed-to-oblivion Barney.


And Lily wants a girl, because all her least favorite students are boys. Marshall consults his dad, who tells him the ancient Nordic strategies to conceive a boy, while Lily consults the Internet, which tells her how to have a girl.
When these strategies compete in the bedroom, they realize they're being ridiculous and mutually decide that they will "love the crap out of" their kid, whichever gender it is.
Meanwhile, Robin's new co-anchor Becky is insufferably peppy, infantile and (clearly)  very stupid. But everyone finds her baby talk charming, including Ted, who starts dating her because he "likes to feel needed." Of course Ted likes to feel needed.


Robin mistakenly says "There's no way a guy could pick up a girl going around talking like a little boy," to which Barney says, "Challenge accepted." Barney fails to pick up any chicks by asking if they want to "wrestle with their special bathing suit places," but finally succeeds in his challenge when he finds a woman who says, "Who's your mommy?" Shudder.
Ted defends Becky by telling Robin that she was too independent when they were dating, and Robin goes to Barney for comfort--and this time he pulls through, saying that she's the most amazing, confident and self-sufficient woman he knows. Aww ... Robin and Barney! But the scene turns weird before it has the chance to get sappy: Barney asks Robin to get rid of the woman he picked up with his little boy act, whose baby talk and threats of spankings are more scary than sexy.
Ted dumps Becky because she's like Charlize Theron's character on Arrested Development, except way more annoying and stupider (and a worse dresser). Too bad Robin can't dump her from the news.

What We Learned:

• For those previously unaware: "Who's your daddy?" IS creepy. Don't say it. Ever.
• Barney is going to look like the Madame Tussaud's wax figure of Hugh Hefner when he gets old.
• Lemons are "baby girl fertilizer." Pickled herring is little boy fertilizer. I'd rather eat a lemon, personally.
  
• I miss the days of when Robin was really into guns.
• Lily's students are uncommonly handsy.
• Marshall and Lily's DVR won't recognize Robin's show as a television program. Ha!

Best of Barney:
"Gosh. Your body's a perfect ... this many!"
"Do you want to wrestle with our special bathing suit places?"
"Want to have a threesome with my invisible friend? His name's Otis!"
"What to come to my house and play telephone? I got the string, you got the cans."
"NO! It's my ice cream and you can't have ANY!"
Robin Bonus: "She makes training wheels feel needed."
Marshall Moment: "A, he was a doll. B, he was possessed by an adult serial killer. And C, how could you bring up Chucky right before bed?"

Verdict: Four out of five gummy bear cookies. I really enjoyed this episode because each storyline was separate and explored different ideas, but they grew naturally out of each other as connected variations on a theme. And such a fun and interesting theme it was because, like I said, who hasn't thought about the baby gender thing? It's also a major personal pet peeve of mine when woman infantilize themselves to get guys so I was on Robin's side from minute one. "Baby Talk" had a good balance between character development, relationship development (Lily and Marshall, still working things out! Ted and Robin, still wrong for each other! Robin and Barney, still should just GET BACK TOGETHER ALREADY!) and downright silliness. Plus I love whenever the Eriksens come around. Good Minnesotan stock. And good episode, everybody! Keep up the good work. Just one tiny request: Please don't make us wait all the way until the end of the season for Marshall and Lily to finally conceive their baby--but if we must, at least give them one or two storylines that don't revolve around babies. 




(Images courtesy of CBS)