Why do I watch The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
? Why does anyone? I've put serious thought into it and I have yet to reach a conclusion except that I just love it. Some of the most beautiful/sexiest women in the world, dressed up like crazy people. It's over-the-top ridiculousness. It's weird, it's great.
What they've started doing with the VS Fashion Show is the "backstage footage," complete with audio from the show runner: "OK, cue the song! Cue Adriana! Alex, go!" IT FEELS LIKE YOU'RE THERE.
Remember last year when they had a contest to be the next angel? Yeah
me neither ... (I DO, THOUGH) This year, between segments the models are
all just talking about how great they are. It's an attempt to humanize
the girls, so we don't just see them as classy strippers. I liked when
Alessandra Ambrosio said Adriana Lima's best feature is "her eyes." Get
The angels also agree that Alessandra is like,
SO nice. And there is an angel named Behati. Just go with it. She's the
"tomboy." Fantasize away!
The interesting thing about Lily is that she's dating that Caleb from Kings of Leon. I guess that's as good a trait as anything.
Oh and guess what, Candice has an amazing body. Rosie is the sexy one. Erin is ... nice? Someone give these girls a thesaurus. Chanel is the youngest one. Also the "exotic" one. I wish this segment didn't exist because it is making me hate these women and not just out of jealousy.
that Vin Diesel watching and taking himself really seriously, like,
applauding for certain bra/wings/glitter combos? Or was it THE NEXT Vin Diesel? Look for him in Triple X 4: Gawkin' at Ladies' Underpants
Next Katy Perry performs her new single "Firework" and her dancers try not to step on her 18-foot train, before ceremoniously ripping it off to make her outfit look even more stupid.
"Get it? Firework? It's the name of the song and what is all over my dress and head."
Katy Perry is a good choice for the VS fashion show because she is always drawing attention to her boobs.
The models dance backstage and I cry, "They're just like us!" as I, too, dance in my bedazzled boxing bra and robe.
Just going to work out!
Candice (she's "the one with the amazing body") walks out in an outfit that basically covers up the bra and panties (isn't that the fashion?). We got to see her before and after, and we feel so close to her because of it. You did it, Candice! Go have a sandwich, you deserve it.
Then we hear the show runner's voice say, "Great job, Lily! ... Wow, that's hot!"
Next, a segment called "game on" is introduced with a dozen male gymnasts and some crazy-ass sports-themed getups. They mostly look crazy, especially Behati, who is dressed like a sexy (?) soccer ball.
Last year's childrens' bean bag chair is this year's sexy jacket. And you said baseballs/bodybuilders/football fields couldn't be sexy!
Also, the music playing was a jock jam megamix of "Bad Romance," something else, and the Harlem Globetrotters theme.
Later, in another "get to know the girls" segment, the girls tell us that the show is all about the wings and THIS year's show features more wings than ever
! I hope you weren't drinking anything when you read that, otherwise you probably spat it out all over your computer screen in excitement.
Then a big moment was made out of Chanel ("the young one") getting her first wings. She cried. As Akon graced the sparkle stage, Chanel came out in her wings. I feel like Chanel is my best friend. I'll text u congrats l8er, Chanel! These girls just know how to have fun.
Soon after, Adriana Lima got snubbed by Akon. She sort of sexy-waved at him but he was too busy "singing" to notice her and almost got bonked by her wings. It was a special moment.
The next segment, called "Wild Things," had the girls in big animal print wings (yes, that is a thing now) walking through trees and blowing glitter. Then some male dancers came out and danced tribally. The generic tribe of animal print bras.
Good news! You can get a Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2010 tank top! I learned that in a commercial for Victoria's Secret, it was right after another commercial for Victoria's Secret, and preceded this fashion show, which is one giant commercial for Victoria's Secret.
Katy Perry's back. She's walking alongside a giant glittery pink dog, singing "Teenage Dream" (look out, it's a medley!) so this must be the part where they take items from the Pink collection and cover them up with ugly rainbow stuff.
What every girl wants this holiday season.
Just like that, the models were storming the stage, kicking giant balloons around, and it was over. The show runner announces, "they are having a ball out there! They don't want to leave!" The secret's out: angels have more fun! It's a job requirement.
"Please don't lock us away again!"
Then the girls were loaded into a cage and a door closed on them (I'm not even kidding, this happened and it's how the show ended). They will be released for the 2011 Holiday Season.
(images courtesy of CBS)