Nothing says Halloween like a haunted house. And nothing says Haven like a Troubled house. We get both in Haven's holiday episode, "Real Estate."
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Teenagers Should Just Stay Home on Halloween
If you believe television, teenagers should never, ever leave their homes on Halloween night. They especially shouldn't do so in the company of the opposite sex. And if alcohol gets involved, well then, they're done for.
A couple of teens, Chad and Little Bo Peep, prove this by wandering into an abandoned house for mischief and the sex and stuff. Of course, this ends badly with Chad disappearing and Bo Peep running off for help.
Getting into the Halloween Spirit
Audrey, Duke and Claire are meanwhile attending the Teagues' Halloween party. Duke and Audrey seem to be there under duress, lacking costumes and resorting to spiked punch to survive the night. So of course they leave to help as soon as Bo Peep shows up with her tale of horror.
Claire, dressed as a cheerleader/vampire slayer, goes along too. Because... Actually, I'm not sure why she goes. But that doesn't matter.
Nathan, meanwhile, is still at the police station, pretending that the law is something we care about on Haven these days. It isn't, of course. So it's no surprise when Jordan shows up and whisks away the police chief for an evening of beers at the cemetery.
They do know how to party in Haven, don't they?
Audrey, Duke, Claire and Bo Peep make it safely to the haunted house, also known as the Holloway House because a guy named Roman Holloway (yay, puns!) built it and then disappeared, followed shortly thereafter by his wife and daughters.
This history alone is enough for Audrey to call Nathan for help. But the call doesn't go through, because haunted houses never, ever have cell service. It's a law or something. However, this being Haven and therefore weird, Nathan still gets a call. Kind of. He hears Audrey's voice saying something nonsensical and immediately runs off to help.
This does not please Jordan. Oh honey... Get used to it!
Back at the house, Audrey and Duke wander a mirror-filled hallway, not making any phone calls at all. They're too busy having swoon-inducing Lucy flashbacks (Audrey) and noticing bloody footprints (Duke). The bloody footprints of course lead to a very dead and dripping Chad.
Claire, Bo Peep and now Tommy (for some reason) hear Audrey's discovery on an intercom outside and rush in to check. Bo Peep shrieks and scampers off, understandably, at the sight of Chad. But where did she go?
"She didn't go out the front door. Because the front door... is gone."
Also gone? Tommy's gun seconds after he puts it down. Despite these strange happenings, the group splits into girls vs. guys to explore the house. Audrey and Claire are the first to find something -- footsteps approaching to reveal... Nathan! He has come to help but really only manages to lose yet another front door.
Duke and Tommy are no more successful in finding an escape. They do, however, find Bo Peep. Impaled on a chandelier. Her rather copious blood has spilled across the floor in front of a dark figure. That figure turns out to be Jordan. And the blood next to her spells out a phrase: "This is your fault."
Divide and Conquer
Everyone except for Nathan makes the logical assumption that Jordan had something to do with poor Bo Peep's death. Nathan, on the other hand, thinks that Jordan is all innocent because he likes her and stuff. This makes Audrey uncomfortable, but of course nobody talks about that.
Instead, the group splits up again. Nathan explains to Jordan about his investigation into the tattooed Bolt-Gun killer, trying to convince her that his Guard interest is more than a front. Unfortunately, the haunted house chooses to broadcast Nathan's confession over a phone. Duke and Tommy hear there and are somewhat concerned.
And poor Nathan doesn't even get love from Jordan. She stomps off again.
Everything from this point involves information and division. Claire shares that Jordan once put a man in a coma with her painful touch. Duke tells Audrey about Nathan's Guard activities. Multiple people wander off and are separated from the herd. Once Duke is alone, he finds a gun. And once Jordan is alone, the house knocks her down the stairs.
Audrey's search of the house reveals a specific picture she saw in her earlier Lucy vision. By moving the frame, she opens up a secret room. Audrey finds the skeletons of a woman and two children entombed inside -- complete with a note: "I want you to watch. This is your fault."
The discovery sends Audrey into another Lucy-memory fit, this time seeing herself (as Lucy) finding the bodies 27 years before. As Audrey awakens, she realizes that she may be the one at fault.
Considering that her brain is bleeding from the visions, Audrey may not survive this transgression.
The House Isn't That Great, Dude
Once separated from the pack, Audrey hears Nathan's statement about helping the Guard over an intercom. But she's not buying it. Instead, Audrey calls out to the house, offering help.
The house is not impressed.
That's because the house is actually Roman Holloway himself. Back in the '80s, the guy poured so much of himself into fixing up the place that he actually became the building. Then, when he realized his family might want to leave occasionally, Roman trapped them inside.
Now, Roman is pissed off because Lucy let the wife and daughters die -- while he watched through mirrors -- and he wants his revenge. That means Audrey will get to see her friends die too.
Guns, Escapes and James
Knowing that the house is alive and doesn't want anyone to escape, Audrey returns to the secret room to see if she remembers anything else. This time, we actually get to see the Colorado Kid -- a man she calls James -- while Audrey remembers how escape is possible.
But she might be kind of late with the information. Nathan has found Jordan and both think one of the others tried to kill her. Claire shows up first, so Jordan points a gun (conveniently provided by Roman the House) at her. Duke wanders in next and aims at Jordan to protect Claire. Then Nathan returns and immediately assumes Duke is the guilty party.
Fortunately, Audrey successfully convinces them all to blame the house. Instead of shooting each other, they have to shoot out all the mirrors (Roman's eyes) and intercoms (Roman's ears) in order to find doors.
Roman tries to gas our heroes for having figured this out, but it's too late. With Nathan going all gunslinger on the various mirrors in the house (and accruing at least a few decades of bad luck in the process), the group finally finds an exit and runs through...
...Straight into Dwight, Vince and Dave. Those three have been standing around outside, trying to figure out how to defeat the house this whole time. They settled on a bomb.
This probably would have been a bad idea with people still inside, but it works now. Audrey grabs the explosives, shouts out a final "This is your fault!" and blows Roman the Evil House into oblivion.
So much for that Trouble.
Troubles Never Cease
Things look good now that the haunted house is dead.
Audrey combines the name James with her composite of the Colorado Kid to find a missing person's report on a James Cogan. Is that him? We don't find out this week. Audrey does, at least, get Nathan to admit what is going on with the Guard and with Jordan. The two partners claim to end the discussion on good terms, but their tones speak otherwise.
This is not done between them.
But Nathan obviously wants to think it is. Going back to Jordan at the graveyard, they talk about the Guard a bit and then kiss a lot. This is great for Jordan -- who finally gets to feel a human touch -- but it can't be doing much for Nathan.
Over in front of the smoldering remains that once made up Roman Holloway's beloved home, Dwight puts up a "No Trespassing" sign. All done!
Or is it? The still smoking foundation stones slowly begin to move back together...
Will Audrey find the Colorado Kid? Can Nathan actually be happy not-feeling Jordan? Will the Lucy memories hurt Audrey in the long run? Share your thoughts on the episode and your predictions for the future below!
(Images courtesy of Syfy)