Let's get the worst of this out of the way right now. In the opening minutes of "Man on the Moon" the question of whether Cristina and Shane would become a 'thing' was answered. Cristina and Shane. Cristina and SHANE. Cristina Yang (Badass Cardio Goddess) and Shane (Baby Seal Turned Arrogant Resident Haunted By Mousy's Death) Ross. For real? Because, in a nutshell, Cristina cavorting in an on-call room with Shane is a metaphor for all that is seriously messed up about Grey's Anatomy
Season Ten. Wrong. Just all kinds of wrong.
The Way We Were
Meredith and Cristina's lives continued on diverging paths. In parallel endeavors, Meredith (with sidekick Stephanie) put her 3D-printed portal vein into a sheep. Everything seemed just peachy. Dr. Grey had liftoff. Meanwhile, Cristina (with boy toy Shane...ewwww!) placed the 3D-printed conduit into baby Nathan. Everything seemed just awful. Dr. Yang crashed and burned...while the surgery was being live-streamed, no less.
Then...psych! Meredith's sheep died but Cristina's infant patient not only lived but thrived! Suddenly the roles were reversed. Meredith wasn't too disheartened, though. Progress is only gained through lots and lots of failure, she wisely intoned. Meredith and Stephanie autopsied the sheep. Cristina and Shane did a little happy dance that turned my stomach. Oh! And Meredith and Cristina exchanged ten civil words before sniping at each other again. Psych!
Me and My Shadow
Miranda Bailey's OCD is still in full bloom and high-profile guest star Illeana Douglas is tasked with following her around and tracking her OCD behaviors. Dr. Bailey won't be cleared for surgery again until she pulls herself together. After struggling for most of the episode to get through five stitches without succumbing to her OCD, Miranda finally listens to the wise words of her mentor, Richard. She has a disease. There's no shame in managing it. She decides to take the medication Illeana is offering.
I Wanna Hold Your Hand
Derek and Callie are working on their brain mapping/restoring movement to limbs thingy. That is literally all I have to say about that. Important work? Yes. Boring storyline? YES.
When a Man Loves a Woman
Jackson and Matthew witness an accident and must work together to help the victim. It probably sounded more interesting in the story pitch. Anyhoo, both dreamboats went all caveman (over April!) and nearly came to blows. But in the end it was all good and Matthew pretty much insisted that Jackson should attend Matthew and April's wedding. Why do I think that's going to come back to bite Matthew in a big way?
Papa Was a Rolling Stone
He's baaaack! Papa Karev turned up in this episode. He's detoxing. And full of remorse. His doctor, Jo, is trying her level best to help him. His son, Alex, is trying his level best not to punch his old man in the face. There's history there. And maybe even some compassion. But you just know this isn't going to end well. Nope. Not gonna happen. Frowny face.
I Will Survive
Speaking of which, April Kepner's three (!) sisters are in town for the wedding. If you thought April was annoying, think again. She's the well-adjusted one in the family. After enduring the Brunch From Hell, April gets mostly through the Bridal Shower From Hell before completely losing it with her catty kinfolk. She is no longer the Ugly Duckling, so enough with her childhood nickname of "Ducky". She no longer has pimples or braces. And she's a Trauma Surgeon! She saves lives! So her sisters can stuff it! They are no longer her bridesmaids. That honor now falls to Arizona and Meredith and Cristina. Oh boy.
Or third. Or fourth. Or whatever. I've lost count. By episode's end (after strife ranging from incessant bickering to full-on fighting) Calzona is giving it a go again. In the physical sense. Because sex is such a healthy way to solve your problems. I'm skeptical.
Which brings me full circle. Cristina and SHANE? Owen (who was largely MIA this episode save a few Chiefly moments) and EMMA aka The Banana Bread Queen (mercifully also MIA this week)? Sandra Oh is leaving. Got that. But in the meantime she and Kevin McKidd are still on this show! At the same time! Where is our Crowen? Even if they aren't together, where are the longing glances? The sad, piney looks? The smoldering sexual tension just beneath the surface? Gone, gone, gone.
The Winter Finale of Grey's Anatomy, "Get Up, Stand Up" airs Thursday, December 12 on ABC.
(image courtesy of ABC)