'Grey's Anatomy' Aftergasm: Grand Gestures, Group Hugs and Anal Probes
'Grey's Anatomy' Aftergasm: Grand Gestures, Group Hugs and Anal Probes
Along with my Grey's Anatomy recapping duties, I am also BuddyTV's go-to person for all things Bachelor, and it seems both shows, which share the same parent network of ABC, are all about proposals and marriage. I suppose everyone on The Bachelor always has engagement rings on the brain, but the doctors on Grey's Anatomy are supposed to be socially inept commitment-phobes who would rather hook up with each other in supply closets to avoid all the responsibilities that being in a grown-up relationship entails.

Derek (Patrick Dempsey) spent the greater part of the episode trotting around a diamond ring for Meredith (Ellen Pompeo), but he hadn't the faintest clue of how he was going to pop the question. Because it is a Grey's Anatomy cliché for Meredith to be the last to know about anything pertaining to her, everyone else found out about his plans to propose, and everyone had an opinion or two to share.

Richard was all about the Grand Gesture. He wanted Derek to procure “flowers, candles, exotic foods, live musicians and a rowboat. Skywriting is not out of the question.” To his credit, Derek seemed reluctant to go grand with his plan, saying that Meredith is not a grand gesture kind of woman.

At the other end of the spectrum, Meredith and Lexie's (Chyler Leigh) pregnant aneurysm patient Jen advised him to go the opposite route. Her husband proposed to her between the cat food and the tampons at the grocery store, and that ended up being very romantic.

In the end, Derek decided to take stupid Mark Sloan's (Eric Dane) advice on how to propose. (Thankfully, the proposal didn't actually occur, so Derek effectively gets a do-over. Who wants to bet that he'll blurt it out spontaneously at Joe's bar?) At Mark's urging, Derek trucked in tons of roses, candles and a white stuff bear and decorated their premarital bed with a heart-shaped pile of rose petals “because chicks dig this stuff.” This is the most sucktacularly hackneyed and completely un-Meredith route he could possibly have taken. Has he met Meredith? Her nickname is Death, for crying out loud. She is dark and twisty, not shiny and happy. For her sake, I'm so glad the proposal didn't happen this way.

I'm sure there are some people out there whose hearts melt at this kind of proposal – in fact, I believe my own brother did something similar when he proposed to his wife – but for my money, you should keep it simple, throw in a few jokes, maybe quote Monty Python and the Holy Grail in the middle of it. It should be personal and sincere. It should be your own personal version of what's romantic, not what you think you're supposed to think is romantic. In fact, when I get to that point in my life with my partner, I might do the proposing myself so as to have exactly what I want. My BuddyTV colleague, Kim Wetter, tells me that this is “very lesbian” of me, but I just want what I like.

As for the rest of the episode, there are two key lessons to take away: (1) group hugs involving three socially awkward people are awesome, and (2) always be careful when putting things in your butt.

Read our Grey's Anatomy: Episode 5.14 "Beat Your Heart Out" Recap!

Best In Show

Best Quotes:

Cristina: “It's chastely hot. It's all stolen glances and loaded exchanges. The thing reads like a Victorian romance novel.”

Derek: “Meredith, I want your crappy babies. All of them.”

Arizona: “Oh my gosh. Did you use a Bedazzler?”
Bailey: “Circa 1986. As seen on TV.”

Best Scene:

Definitely, the best scene award goes to the big group hug between Virginia Dixon, Bailey and Cristina. I love how neither Bailey nor Cristina wanted to participate in the application of “pressure across large portions of [Dixon's] body.” They looked like they would rather have something stuck up their butts. But once the hug started and they all settled into it, all three started to look like they were enjoying it.

Best User Comment:

anamartinez45: “Derek wants all of Mer's crappy babies. How did that become the sweetest line ever? LOL.”

Love it or hate it? Rant and rave about last night's episode - Comment Below.

-Debbie Chang, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image courtesy of ABC)