Speaking of strange parental figures, it turns out that Nate's cougar is Marcus's evil stepmother.  Yes, Cougar Catherine is the Duchess!  That's going to make for some juicy drama.  Marcus still isn't keen on Blair meeting her, so B invents a Back to the City Party that she supposedly has every year.  Of course, she then has to text Dorota for help with the party planning, because a Back to the City Party has never actually existed.

Dan and Serena (Blake Lively) are both on their way back to NYC, but they didn't plan on sharing the Jitney all the way home.  S does everything she can to send Lonely Boy's libido into overdrive, including seductively eating chocolate-covered strawberries.  It's not long before she has to drag him into the bathroom of the bus for a quickie, which can't possibly be comfortable.

Now that Rufus (Matthew Settle) is back in town, his first order of business is to go visit Vanessa at the art gallery, which she's made over during the summer.  It's now a gallery / coffee shop, which Rufus loves.  It's good to know that Vanessa has something to do in this episode, even if she's yet to integrate with the other major characters.

Nate arrives home to find the cranky Feds going through all of the Archibald possessions.  N claims that he has no idea where his dad is, but the Fed in charge thinks otherwise.  Nate calls the Duchess for emotional support, but she's nowhere to be found.  This is why you should never become emotionally involved with an older woman.  Not that I'd know anything about that, of course. . .

I had no idea that squash and racquetball were the same thing.  I'm such an ignorant American.  Chuck and Marcus enjoy their squash date, but of course C has ulterior motives.  He wants to get Marcus's home number so he can arrange a meeting with the Duchess.  What kind of horrible scheme is he cooking up now?

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