Eric opens up to Bart and tells him that things aren't working out with his new boyfriend, Jonathan.  Bart thinks Jonathan may be dating the captain of the swim team on the side, which he knows because he has a PI on retainer.  E talks to Chuck about Bart's snooping ways, wondering what other dirt Mr. Bass has dug up.  Chuck introduces his young cohort to the Bass safe, which contains files on every member of the family.

Not only is Aaron boring and scruffy, but he's also a recovering alcoholic, which Serena (Blake Lively) learns while they have dinner.  Does that makes him more interesting?  Unfortunately, no.  At least things are more fun over at the Waldorf household, where Cyrus has once again offended Blair by eating some of her pie without asking.  However, he was nice enough to make reservations at B's favorite restaurant, so he's not all bad.  B runs to Dorota with her problems, and quickly learns that Cyrus is going to announce his engagement to Eleanor during Thanksgiving dinner.  B decides to skip dinner to avoid the joyful scene, especially since her mother didn't warn her of the news in advance.

Lily (Kelly Rutherford) talks to Jenny, telling her that she belongs at home with her dad for the next couple years.  J still has crackhead hair and raccoon eyes, so she's obviously not going home anytime soon.  While Lily stumbles upon her emancipation paperwork, Dan (Penn Badgley) and Rufus run into Boron in the supermarket.  D is shocked to learn that Boron doesn't seem to know a thing about the real Serena.  Meanwhile, S asks Chuck to help her hide her true self so Boron doesn't think less of her.  Chuck gives her his word, which is about as reliable as an eight-year-old condom.

Nate sees Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) on the street and wonders how he's managed to alienate everyone in his life.  Just as V heads to the Humphrey place for dinner, Rufus gets a call from Lily telling him to come over immediately.  She needs to fill him in on J's plan to emancipate herself, but she doesn't want to do it over the phone.  V likely won't be able to make dinner anyway, because an FBI agent asks to talk to her about Nate.

Dorota's ringtone for Eleanor is Britney Spears' "I'm a Slave 4 U," which is absolutely hilarious.  She wanders the streets with B, trying to think of something to do to avoid going to dinner.  Maybe they could hang out with Eric, who is horrified to learn that Bart has all of his secrets stuffed into a file.  That Bart is one shady tomato.

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