Tonight on Gossip Girl: It's easy to get friendship, family and political ties confused... when everyone is equally likely to stab you in the back. Or the front. With a patriotic sheet cake.

Blair and Serena continued their non-best non-friend feud. Who even remembers (or really cares) why? Meanwhile, Olivia told an "embarrassing" story about Dan on Jimmy Fallon, and Nate's blue-blood nature is getting in the way of his moral compass, and Vanessa's stupid-blood nature is getting in the way of any of us ever liking her character, ever.  Oh, and karma's a bitch, just like Jenny, which explains why she has swine flu this week. And Eric's nowhere to be found. Could this mysterious "infection" be his well-timed revenge? If so, he must have known that the worst symptom of getting a Humphrey illness is being forced into five hours of Scrabble with Rufus.

So, while Blair mistook a high class call girl for a fellow haute couture lover, Nate got his cousin out of hot water (after jumping into the cold Hudson), and Serena babysat an actor inadvertently playing the role of herself as a high school junior, we tried to pick out the episode's best and worst quotes and moments. Check out the highs and lows of "The Grandfather: Part II," after the jump.

Best Moments:


The cake incident. As much as I loved Blair calling Serena a prostitute, Serena proved again that actions speak louder than words. It was so oddly satisfying to see Blair all covered in red, white, and blue... even better to see her sneak a lick before the frosting all melted off with her red-hot fury.

Patrick channels three-years-ago Serena. Peeing on potted plants, drinking in the middle of the day (and straight on til morning), walking around with no pants on... these are all things Serena has certainly done at one time or another, and now it's coming back to haunt her. You've got to love some good, old fashioned comeuppance, and a C-list celebrity who knows when his career is so far down the crapper that he should consider a Leaving Las Vegas remake with Miley Cyrus "brilliant." She may not know it, but Patrick just might be Serena's soul mate. Too bad she's too far up on her high horse to see it...

This whooole "Bathroom Boy" thing. At first, I couldn't stand it. After all that build up... the "bathroom boy" story was about a fake spider and an inside-out shirt? Not only is that story too boring and awkward for a late night talk show, but more embarrassing things happened to me in public before I reached middle school. It's almost impossible for me to think of a first-date story that is LESS embarrassing. But then, I reconsidered: this is Olivia and Dan we're talking about. They would both be so tightly wound and weird that everything would turn backwards. Olivia would be detached enough from reality that to tell inane stories on TV is to 'be herself,' and Dan would be obtuse enough to abandon his new girlfriend at his parents' house as part of trying to be a good boyfriend. And Jimmy Fallon would be desperate enough for guests that he invited Olivia back on the show the next night. To make sushi. And a cake? It all makes such little sense that it makes TOTAL sense. I think I just finally figured this show out.
 
Best Quotes:

Blair: Believe me when I tell you, I don't say this very often, but I think I like you.

Blair to Serena: It doesn't take much does it? What? No one's ever accused you of saying no.

Blair, on Patrick: He's drunker than Paula Abdul on Hollywood Week.

Serena: You want to go upstairs and see if two blondes make a right?

Blair to Serena: The only prostitute here is you.

Tripp, after being elected a congressman in a DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC: "This is the beginning of a new Vanderbilt dynasty." (Emphasis mine.)

Brandice the Hooker: This is just how I pay for college and couture.
Blair: Huh. I have to run it by my people, but we can still... shop together?

Brandice: Sorry, but I'm new to the Big Apple.
Blair: And rotten. To the core!


The Episode's Worsts:

Brandice. After last year's "Elle" catastrophe, I really have very little tolerance for selfish, manipulative prostitutes with great hair on my show full of selfish, manipulative children who also use sex as a weapon and also have great hair. It's simply redundant. Plus, what kind of a name is "Brandice"? 

Politics for Dummies. Vanessa and Nate both think they're starring in a new political thriller about a congressman's noble but manipulative right-hand-man and his ex-lover who will stop at nothing to get to the TRUTH about a dirty election. That explains why they forget they are college age children, and do things like meet at piers to chat and take the fall for a hoax when they don't even have a job title (or a paycheck) with the campaign. And don't understand how voting and news cycles work. Or how hiring fake news reporters to buy video footage (which can be duplicated) works. But, whatever! The real story is that Vanessa and Nate can't be friends/ex-lovers anymore because their self-righteous moral compasses don't align.

Burning questions from the episode:

• What was that moment between Tripp and Serena at the end of the episode? Was that... flirting?
• What acronyms will Serena work for now that she's quit KC's PR firm?
• How are Dan and Olivia inevitably going to break up?
• Could it possibly have somehting to do with this hyped up "threesome" coming next week?
• Who will be involved in the threesome? And do we care?
• Did Eric somehow find a way to infect Jenny with swine flu? Am I the only one who hopes it's chronic if it keeps her from wearing the raccoon makeup again?

-Meghan Carlson, BuddyTV Staff Writer
Images courtesy of the CW