'Gossip Girl' Wrap-Up: This Thanksgiving, Serena Got Smallpox (I Wish)
'Gossip Girl' Wrap-Up: This Thanksgiving, Serena Got Smallpox (I Wish)
Meghan Carlson
Meghan Carlson
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
Tonight on Gossip Girl: Lily's Thanksgiving dinner is stuffed with intrigue when two-timing Tripp brings Maureen with a side of bitter to the table! Nate loves Serena, but doesn't tell her how he feels until the last minute... what a turkey! She's a real Indian giver of her emotions anyway, and can't decide between (wish)boning a married Congressman or NOT boning a married Congressman. Choices!

Enough Thanksgiving puns for your liking? Oh, you want one more? Okay: Hand me your musket, because somebody needs to kill Vanessa's mom already, and everyone needs something to hope for this year!

But seriously, you guys. Tonight's episode was a deep-fried drama-tastic dish smothered in a rich vodka sauce and served with a green bean evil garnish. Translation: revenge may be best served cold, but Gossip Girl Thanksgiving dinner is best served super HOT... heated by all that HATE in the air!

Here's what was best, worst, and most quotable. Give thanks for my efforts to present you with this bountiful harvest of fun, won't you?  

The Episode's Bests:

Dorota is back... and she's pregnant! Let's get it out of our system now: "Eeeee!" Not only was Dorota's Thanksgiving-themed apron adorable, but it was all the more appropriate since she's got a "bun in the oven"! I just hope this pregnant-Dorota storyline doesn't get abandoned later on in the shadow of all these other storylines. The possibilities of Blair helping to prepare for a little Dorota-Vanya youngin, and even a wedding, are too heartwarming to pass up. Two characters on Gossip Girl whom we can actually picture raising a decent human being are the ones having a baby? Now that's something to be thankful for.

Cece. She's baaaaack... and stronger than ever, given that "her heart pumps secrets and gin" ...and deliciously evil AWESOME! We all, including Rufus, should have known that Cece was never really sick. Or at least thaaat sick. She'll never die, so efficiently does her system function without the burden of a soul. Here's hoping she stays around long enough to fully, truly, ONCE AND FOR ALL teach Lily the lesson that secrets can't stay secrets for long, especially the ones you most want to hide. You'd think after three seasons, Lily would have learned just that. But you know how heavy drinking kills the brain cells... and it's not like Cece ever gets tired of reminding her! Or us of watching them bare their lipsticked fangs at each other at high-class family functions.

And our third and final reappearance tonight... Eleanor! How bittersweet, that Blair's gorgeous and hilarious mother showed back up only to reveal that she's relocating to Paris full-time. Not fair. Double not fair: that also means no more Cyrus! But the maternal pregnancy scare between Blair and Eleanor was a needed laugh-giver against all that Tripp-Serena-Nate-Chuck-Jenny-Eric-Dan-Vanessa-Gabriella-Lily-Rufus-Cece tension, so we'll count our blessings that Eleanor came along to Lily's at all, and hope she comes back to visit ASAP. Lord knows these kids need at least one mother around who'd refuse a drink simply because she wasn't "in the mood." Given her competition on the UES, that just about makes Eleanor the picture of mature restraint.

Best Quotes:

Rufus: A Cece you can unplug. That's perfect.
Blair: Then what are you, an 18-year-old blond coincidence?

Vanessa: I won't hate you, 'cause you'll be dead.
Dorota: Is private.
Blair: You know what isn't? The INS tip line.

Nate: Someone needs to get through to her.
Chuck: You know Serena. Whoever tries better bring a sledgehammer.

Chuck: A little Thanksgiving proclamation: you two ever play grabass in my elevator again, and S will be staying in an airport Marriott. Happy holidays.
Gabriella: I was boycotting the floral industry or i would have been there myself.

Dan: Cece's heart pumps secrets and gin.

Blair: ...And I want PIE! [dramatic exit]

Jenny: Don't you have anything else to say to me?
Eric: Your sweet potatoes are bland.

Blair: No offense to Cyrus, but do you really think the world needs another Aaron Rose?

Blair: Doing the right thing takes courage and strength. At least that's what I've heard.

The Episode's Worsts:

Serena. She's been on my 'worst' list for WEEKS now. Let's just make a list of her latest affronts to human decency and intelligence, yes? 1. Plans to skip family turkey day to stay in hotel room with married man she claims she is not having an affair with, 2. Tells everyone they will not kiss again, ever, 3. They kiss again, quite a lot, 4. Expresses her pent-up feelings of sluttiness and shame by donning a skin-tight, deep-V black catsuit to family turkey day, 5. Pretends to listen to everyone's reason and says she will never see married man again, 6. At soonest chance and quickest sign of his devotion, jumps in car with married man and runs off into the night, aaaand 7. Chose the married man over Nate, who is cuter, younger, available, and not a total bug-eyed creep. Have fun at Thanksgiving dinner, Serena. I hope you get smallpox.

The letter. Oh, geeeeeez, the letter! Two things. Number one: the whole coat pocket mix-up approached Can't Hardly Wait level of ridiculously contrived mail transport, except that that movie did it humorously and well. Number two: WHAT THE EFFFFF does the letter say? Tell us already! Oh, and I guess, number two-point-five: Lily would never be that happy to see someone on the street wearing the same thing as her.
Vanessa's mother. We get it, she's into "issues." She's so good at "being honest" and "caring about people" that everyone who has ever met her wants to grab one of her twenty handcrafted necklaces and just SQUEEZE until it's okay to not be boycotting the floral industry via boycotting your friends' wedding, because WHO DOES THAT? This show is ridiculous enough, so please shove some biodiesel down her gaspipe and drive her home now.

Burning Questions:

  • Is Serena going to DIE?!?!?! in a car crash?!
  • Would we mind?
  • Will Eric succeed in harnessing his true gay bitchiness to take down Jenny?
  • Will Jenny ever invest in pants? And will her skirt continue to vanish at the same rate as her soul?
  • What does the letter say?
  • Will we get to see a Dorota-Vanya wedding? Baby shower? Birth?
  • When will Tripp go away? And will it be to D.C., or to Heaven? (Haha, just kidding, of course it would be Hell, if either.)