Tonight on Gossip Girl: Balancing one's relationships and business concerns is tricky (as in trick-or-treaty), especially when your significant other (or step-brother, or best friend) just refuses to butt. OUT. Rufus may have learned the not-at-all hard way that Halloween isn't exactly magical on the Upper East Side, but the rest of the Gossip Girl goblins learned that our yearly spooky holiday isn't necessary in their circle, as the people they know wear too many masks as it is.
(Besides Nate, of course, whose relative absence meant that he just learned that Dan is magically clueless about sex, even after having dated Serena.)
So, as Chuck tried to keep his hotel afloat, Serena tried to keep her job, Blair and Dan tried to keep their love lives intact, and Eric tried to keep from yanking those nasty extensions off Jenny's big, arrogant head, we tried to pick out the episode's best and worst quotes and moments. Check out the highs and lows of "How to Succeed in Bassness," after the jump.
Best Moments:Nate explains climaxes (of the sexual, not cinematic, variety) to Dan:Dan: That's love and lust and gratitude...
Nate: Dude, it's an orgasm.
[Actually, it's just corny acting, a painful harness, and a face contorted by glued-in plastic fang inserts.]
Chuck and Blair's self-awareness about how evil they both are. You've heard the one about "those who live in glass houses"? Well, Blair might be a conniving, power-hungry back-stabber, and Chuck might be a hard-skinned, sharp-tongued egomaniac... but at least they both know it! And they know something else: they can't change each other. Nor do they want to. Instead, they decide to harness their mutual power of awesome/ruthlessness: "In order to be a team we need to focus our duplicity on others," Chuck tells Blair. The fact that they accept each other's faults is heartwarming. The fact that they celebrate them is delicious--and let's hope it means less needless Chair fighting in the future.
Serena uses sex to get herself out of a work problem. Hilarious, because it's just so...
Serena. And just when we thought she might actually rely on her brain to get ahead. Don't say you're surprised, or even disappointed. Our expectations for S were never high enough for that. But, if you're a woman who aspires to more than tabloid fame and perky chest ornaments in life... I hope you're shaking your head that Serena's "job" now includes snogging a C-list celeb.
Best Quotes:Blair: I was thinking an 80s theme, although shoulder pads can be overwhelming on my delicate frame.
Blair: Now either make me kiss a girl already, or let's move on.
Nate, who of course reads "all the blogs": All the blogs said they got really into it...
Eric: Rufus asked my size this morning. Does this mean I'm getting a flannel?
Jonathan: That mask is becoming her face.
Jenny: fix it or you're all going as the Real Housewives of New Jersey for Halloween.
Chuck, as he drinks a martini and remains under 21 years old: A place to escape the modern world and violate its rules. Legally, of course.
Serena: B, I know this is going to sound weird, but maybe today
isn't about you.
Jenny: I can't control every girl at school.
Lily: You and I both know that's not true.
Nate (putting Serena in her place): at least im on the list and not working the door.
Dorota: Is hard to love a powerful man.
The Episode's Worsts:Jenny's makeup, hair, and clothing. It's a whole other beast, but not any less offensive. Whoever heard of a gothic stripper as Queen? Then again, perhaps the outside grossness is meant to reflect the inside...
Rufus's unhealthy obsession with Halloween. You're bordering on criminally pathetic, and might actually be breaking labor laws, Mr. Humphrey, when your wife has to pay the doorkeeper to enlist child slaves as fake trick-or-treaters to appease you. And let's not even get into your way-too-elaborate KISS pumpkins and Ramones costume. There's recapturing your youth, and then there's... whatever this is.
Olivia is just a liar like the rest of them, and Dan still hasn't learned better. Even after hearing the words, "I lied because I care about you," Dan still jumped into the sack with his new "girlfriend," who was willing to let the public think she was still with her ex-boyfriend because she feels soooo bad that he's not famous enough anymore. Boo hoo, I'm sure. I guess I can't blame Dan for wanting to smash it with a celeb, but for instantly forgiving the lie like it was nothing? He gets what is inevitably coming to him.
Burning Questions from the episode:- Will Eric and Jenny make up? (Should they?)
- And will Jenny figure out how to be Queen without making everyone (including us) hate her guts--more than we already do?
- Will Jonathan and Eric find a way to get back at Jenny for ruining their hair and zoot suit (respectively)? Like charging her with a hate crime?
- Why did Chuck care so much about getting a liquor license if he was just going to serve minors (which, I might add, he is).
- Why isn't Serena more grossed or weirded out by watching Olivia and Dan make-out? He's already her ex-boyfriend and step-brother. If anything, that should make it double weird.
- How long will it take for Serena and Blair to make up? If Blair and Chuck can accept each other's evilness, surely Blair can convince S to join the Dark Side, too.
What did you think of tonight's Gossip Girl? Were you more thrilled than a washed-up celeb getting his swagger back, or sadder than a boy watching his girlfriend in a vampire sex tape?
Let me know YOUR favorite quotes, moments and more in the comments!
-Meghan Carlson, BuddyTV Staff WriterImages courtesy of the CW