'Gossip Girl' Season 3 Premiere? More Like 'Gos-SKIP Girl' Season Zzz Premiere!
'Gossip Girl' Season 3 Premiere? More Like 'Gos-SKIP Girl' Season Zzz Premiere!
Meghan Carlson
Meghan Carlson
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
I really got 'em good with that headline, huh? Or should I have gone with my second choice, "Gossip Hurl"?

Either way, I think you get the idea. Before I risk lulling you into a nap with a long-winded recap about last night's Season 3 Premiere and the major events that took place (Oh wait! I wrote one of those for you last night. Check it out!) let's cut to the chase: Gossip Girl last night was pretty boring! No, really boring!

So boring that only 1 brave BuddyTV user ventured into my recap comments section, and then, only to say this:

Exactly! Welcome to Snoresville, Population: Those of Us Watching Gossip Girl Last Night. (I hope it wasn't just the 2 of us, Lorna.)

The question to ask our bored, dissatisfied selves, though, is why?

If Gossip Girl's inbox was overflowing with dirt this summer, why did the season premiere feel so squeaky clean, even when Blair and Chuck were playing Naughty Waiter with Chuck's backup-backup tuxedo?

Has Gossip Girl jumped over the dreaded shark? Does the normal dose of scandal just no longer suffice?

Or should we cut this premiere some slack, and chalk up the slow parts to a summer's worth of rust on otherwise road-worthy wheels?

Let's discuss.

- Chuck and Blair:

Is it fair to call their cat and mouse kinkiness "boring"? Yes, when it just so happens that before they were dating, Chuck was regularly taking twins to bed and Blair was getting her kicks on the burlesque stage. But I can't say I wish these two would install a sex swing, or invest in furry outfits, or other such weirdness any time soon... or ever. What I do wish is that a less predictable storyline (less predictable than Chuck gets Chuck-ish, Blair gets insecure, Chuck wins back Blair with a killer one-liner) had started off their relationship, and that we had actually gotten to see some of the "honeymoon" phase Blair raved about.

How to spice it up: If we're to be subjected to Chair Drama all season, let Chuck be the insecure one in the future. Or! ...Let him surprise us all by actually jumping into boring coupledom with both feet... and loving it!

- Serena:

It's only exciting to see someone off their rails if they ever had any to to begin with. Serena never did, and her latest misguided, trouble-welcoming scheme (with the self-pity party thrown in for good measure) is a drop in her proverbial bucket of crazy. She always needed attention, she always pushed guys away and then pulled them back in again, and she always used sex to create and solve all her problems. Like a real celebutante, she has bored me to death with her "outrageous"-ness, and now it's time for a big change of pace.

How to spice it up: Grow up! Even around the time that Poppy Lifton called her boring, S may have been more studious, but she was still a petulant child. I'd love to see S go to college, read some George Eliot (after realizing that's a woman), and write off sex and drugs as psyche-cracking threats to her newly found Noble Truths. That would be some major character development, and and a whole new outrageous. Sadly, it has no chance of happening, so the best I can hope for is that Serena's dad actually does what she wants, and flies across the Atlantic to smack some tough love into her right quick.

Dan and Vanessa:

Dan got rich, and Vanessa got sad? SHOCKING!

How to spice it up: One of them needs to grow a pair, and I hope it's finally Dan, who could use them to go with his new $3K Dior suits and growing hair (to match the ego, we presume). Dan kind of stood up for himself against Vanessa's latest 'be yourself' speech, but don't let him backtrack next week... let him own it. He's a new rich bitch, and he's got a lot of catching up to do.

The Rest of the new Gossip:

I'm interested to hear what you think about these three major new plotlines, plus what's going on with Rufus and his manipulative baby boy Scott, plus the whole Romeo and Juliet thing with Nate and Bree. Shockingly, I found these minor stories to be the ones that left me wondering "What will happen next?" at the end of an otherwise ho-hum premiere.

Were you bored last night, or did the Season 3 whet your appetite just the way you wanted it?
Sound off in the comments below!

-Meghan Carlson, BuddyTV Staff Writer
Images courtesy of the CW