Welcome back, Gossip Girl
addicts! When we last left the scandal-loving teens of the Upper East Side, romantic drama had taken over the streets of New York City. Lily married Bart after having a one night fling with Rufus, Dan and Serena broke up thanks to the machinations of Miss Georgina Sparks, Nate and Vanessa (Jessica Szohr
) broke off their whatever it was with little more than a shrug, and Chuck tried to decide between settling down with Blair or continuing life as a complete man-whore. Can you guess which option he chose?
In tonight's second season premiere, the gang falls into summertime trouble in the Hamptons. There's nothing like a warm beach and a little sunshine to shake off some heartbreak.
The episode kicks off by showing us all the sexy shenanigans the Upper East Siders have fallen into since summer began. Nate (Chace Crawford
) is making out with a married woman named Catherine, Chuck is spending quality time on the beach with three bikini-clad babes, and Dan is moving on with TWO women we've never seen before. Of course, things aren't as perfect as they seem. Chuck gets easily distracted when he discovers that Blair is coming to town, and Nate and Serena have been acting out a sham relationship so she can mope over Dan and he can sneak around with Mrs. Robinson. What a tangled web we weave.
Dan (Penn Badgley
) has spent the summer in New York working with a hotshot author, but he's having trouble cranking out a story he's supposed to write. Jenny is also experiencing problems in the workplace. The girl who once ruled the school was supposed to spend the summer interning under Eleanor Waldorf, but Eleanor has been flouncing around Paris and left Jenny to deal with an insufferable beeyotch of a boss. Jenny tries to make a good impression by making the woman a dress for the upcoming White Party, but unfortunately it's more of an eggshell color. As we all know, wearing eggshell to a White Party would cause a major scandal.
Chuck (Ed Westwick
) makes himself look all prim and perfect in anticipation of Blair's arrival in the Hamptons. He even bought flowers! Of course, when Serena catches him primping she calls him out on his big plan, which he promptly denies. Chuck heads to the bus depot, flowers in hand, only to find B arriving with another beau on her arm. Aww, poor Chuck. As Gossip Girl says, "Ain't karma a bitch? We know Blair Waldorf is."
Aside from making Chuck jealous, Blair's first order of business is to catch up with Serena (Blake Lively
) and make sure she didn't spend her entire summer watching The Closer
and eating ice cream. Just as Blair starts counseling Serena on the proper way to use and discard a hot lifeguard, Chuck walks up and begins listening to the conversation. B intentionally starts gushing about new beau James, but Chuck knows she's totally not into the guy. "I didn't know robots got jealous," B retorts. "Did they update your software while I was away?" Hee. She then decides to bring James to dinner that evening so Chuck can meet him. That's bound to cause maximum drama.
Rufus (Matthew Settle
) is on the road with Lincoln Hawk, but he still has time to call Jenny and counsel her on the White Party situation. He tells her to talk to Eric and see if he can get her into the shindig, which she promptly does. Of course, it requires her to apologize for all that gay drama that went on last season. Meanwhile, Dan's inability to write his story has gotten him fired from his assistant gig. Whoops!
While Serena meets up with her Camaro-driving lifeguard, Nate spends time making out with Mrs. Robinson. That's bound to cause some drama, but it's nothing compared to what's going on at Blair's dinner party. Chuck is none too impressed with James, and keeps insisting that Blair (Leighton Meester
) is putting on a charade. C flees the scene when he sees B's favorite pin on James' sleeve, which is the perfect opportunity for Blair to run after him. She claims that she truly cares about James, which causes Chuck to walk off heartbroken. B then goes back to the table, takes the pin back and tells James that it must have gotten caught on his shirt by mistake. Devious!
Nate's romantic rendezvous comes to an unexpected end when Catherine's husband arrives home while they're going at it. Nate sneaks out, runs down the street in his boxers and runs into Serena and Camaro Boy. That just might put a crimp in their fake relationship.
"Damn that mother Chucker!" We have B to thank for that great line, which she spouts off while ranting to Serena about her lame faux-boyfriend. She also refers to C as "that Chuck Basstard," which is even more fantastic. Unfortunately for B, she runs into her arch-nemesis / lust object a moment later. Chuck claims that James goes to Princeton, while Blair insists that he goes to Georgetown. C plans to do some digging into the situation. Could James be more scandalous than he seems?
Dan can't finish his story because it reminds him of Serena, but that's not nearly as interesting as the James drama. The "untalented Mr. Ripley" doesn't go to Princeton or Georgetown, which means it's time for Chuck to get a P.I. on the case. Meanwhile, Nate is telling everyone that Serena will be his date to the White Party, even though she was under impression that his fling with the cougar was over.
Before B can break up with James, she gets a text letting her know that Chuck will be at the party. It looks like James will come in handy for at least a little while longer. Dan also arrives in town for the shindig, which means the scandal is about to hit the fan.
It's White Party time, and the only eggshell dress in sight is the one Little J is wearing. Her super bitch of a boss isn't happy to see her, and Cougar Catherine isn't happy to see Nate. His presence makes things a bit awkward, especially because her husband is hanging around.
Speaking of awkward, the blatant Vitamin Water product placement in this episode is a bit out of place. After Dan gets a pep talk from Serena's surprisingly welcoming grandmother, Jenny's bitchy boss confronts her and asks her how she got into the party. That's when Eric pops up with real-life socialite Tinsley Mortimer, who pretends to love Little J's eggshell dress. Ah, bitchy boss now looks stupid.
Thanks to Chuck's leering glances, James figures out that Blair is just using him to make someone else jealous. He's a smart one. B admits that she finds the poor guy extremely boring, but she still bites Chuck's head off when he approaches her afterwards. Speaking of jealousy, Serena decides to help Nate make Cougar Catherine seethe by making out with him in the middle of the party. Of course, it happens just as Dan walks in, making him PDA (Pretty Damn Angry).
Dan doesn't have the moral high ground this time around. He tries to be angry with Serena, but he's soon confronted by his two girlfriends, who have discovered that he's been seeing both of them. After a couple of colorful drinks are poured on his white outfit, Dan runs off with Serena to take care of the stains. They share a nice moment that ends with a quick kiss and a promise to meet up at the beach later.
Blair apologizes to James for using and abusing him, but she's shocked when he admits that he's not who he says he is. James is actually a British Lord named Marcus who's been lying so he could find a girl who wants more than his title. Blair is immediately in love with him, and even takes to calling him "my Lord."
As the episode wraps up, Jenny's (Taylor Momsen
) bossy beeyotch is nice to her for the first time ever, and Blair and Chuck are still totally in love. B tells him that she'll run off with him if he'll just say "I love you," but that's something he's incapable of. The Lord it is then. Dan and Serena meet on the beach for a romantic evening, and their reunion has finally allowed Lonely Boy to start writing his story. Too bad he got fired already.
That's it for the Gossip Girl
season 2 premiere. I'm happy to say that there's no sophomore slump in sight!
- Don Williams, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image courtesy of the CW)