'Gossip Girl' Recap: Staying Alive
'Gossip Girl' Recap: Staying Alive
This week on Gossip Girl, everyone has the chance to tell the truth, with varying levels of success. Also, Cece Rhodes is back in town for a Studio 54 party in her honor and is more fabulous than everyone else on this show combined. Her steady diet of gin and secrets is doing wonderful things for her complexion.

Nate sees through his family machinations and writes a blog post about being honest, which in addition to the adorable suit he sports, means that Nate has been taken over by aliens and this show is about to take a very sci-fi twist. It's the only reasonable explanation for that level of competence from Nate.

Dan stalks his stalker only to play into the negative publicity game. Cece is maybe dying but looks fabulous while doing so. Serena is confused but also sports fantastic Supremes hair, like a missing blonde Dreamgirl. Carol is covering a horrible secret about the real Charlotte Rhodes like maybe she's dead or Gossip Girl or actually Georgina Sparks, which would be the best possible scenario.

Meanwhile, Chuck is finally honest about letting go of Blair and his feelings for her, except for how he will never give her up and never let her down, like the sweetest Rick Roll of all time. And Blair? She's likely lying to herself about wanting Louis back as her sweet prince. We all know it's the dark princes she's always liked best.

Despite the episode relying a little too heavily on the Charlie/Ivy aspects, there were enough emotional morsels and mysteries to get us through. Besides, this season I feel I have to give any episode in which Serena actually brushes her hair a pass. Let's delve a little deeper into this week's Gossip Girl, shall we?

Nate in Charge

Nate is really taking this Spectator business seriously. Sure, he only chose it as an internship because it allowed him to sleep with Elizabeth Hurley (best internship ever?). Now, however, it is his calling. Much like Serena's calling was the business of show for about five seconds. I know I might be rocking some boats here, but Nate and Serena really are meant for each other. The amount of seriousness Nate puts into this made-up career he only got into to bang a cougar is amazingly endearing. He's gone out and gotten little suits and a haircut and he walks back and forth giving a speech to his employees like he's in Braveheart. It's amazing.

When one of his employees brings him a scoop about Maureen cheating on his cousin Tripp, Nate is in the first moral quagmire of his short career. Could we stop and imagine what it's like to be one of the people working at the Spectator for like a second? If you're not getting randomly fired or having your boss have sex on your desk, you're suddenly under the management of your former boss's barely legal boytoy. It must be pretty soul crushing. This is the state of journalism.

Anyway, Nate quickly sees through the Maureen cheating scam and discovers it's yet another way to get Tripp to look better to voters. But if you ask me Tripp looks fine all by himself. Hello there sailor. Come back to visit for pointless cameos anytime!

Who's behind this: Maureen, Tripp or Grandfather? We never find out. But Nate does write a stirring editorial about not being used that he posts on the Spectator. It's probably the most that Nate has both written and read since he stopped hiding his pot in classic books. There is no ways this whole Spectator thing doesn't crash and burn but Nate's level of competence in this episode is just unreal. Unless he's suddenly doing a Flowers for Alegeron type of thing and we don't know it yet.

Cece Comes to Town

Meanwhile, the bulk of the episode is about Cece's arrival in town for her Studio 54 party. We are lead to believe this is going to be a grand bash and then later it's just Rufus dancing like a tool so I have no idea if I missed a part of the episode where no one showed up to the party. Maybe everyone was too afraid of what Cece would be like after her 50th gin trying to get into Ryan O'Neal's high-waisted pants? If someone can explain this to me in the comments I will love you forever.

Also back in town is Carol, mother of real Charlie if such a creature exists, and fake mother to Ivy. Carol informs Ivy that Cece has put a block on the account and she's come back to convince Cece to free up the money. Unfortunately Aunt Carol is a terrible actress and Cece knows a blatant lie when it's right in front of her face. I would love it if when the whole Charlie/Ivy thing is finally revealed, once and for all, Cece just laughs from the corner because she knew the whole time and was just enjoying the show.

Of course, we might have to cherish our time with Cece while we can, because some super dramatic swooning and a bottle of pills means there's something up with her. And only Charlie knows what it is and she never mentions it by name. If only we had Jenny still with us to Bing it's symptoms! Whatever disease it is, I'm convinced it's Benjamin Button disease because Cece is looking fierce. She looks fresher and more alive than both Blair and Serena have all season.

Secret Identities, Lies and Sex Tapes

Meanwhile Serena is having a fabulous time with Max and his extorting serial killer face. They go out all night in the city, dancing everywhere and drinking absinthe. For Max it is a magical, once-in-a-lifetime evening. For Serena it is a Monday. And probably a pretty tame one, considering they probably didn't get around to making any snuff films. She waits for the second date for that usually. She's a lady.

Max is putting pressure on Ivy and Ivy tries to bring up to Serena the fact that Max came into town to see his ex-girlfriend and might not be ready to move on. When Serena cools off her baking idea, Max gets even closer to pulling the plug on Ivy's secret. He's beaten to the punch, however, when Serena hears Carol and Lily arguing about how Carol made Charlie live under the fake name Ivy Dickens. Serena puts together the pieces and then her awesome teased hair inflates even further with fury and she puts together a quick, awesome on the fly scheme that would make Blair proud if they ever shared scenes together anymore.

When Max is invited over to the party, Serena confront him about dating Ivy and Lily recognizes him and it looks like the jig is finally up for Ivy. Except, contrary to the way she acted with Elizabeth Hurley, Ivy grows a brain. She says that the reason she wanted money wasn't for an apartment but because Max was extorting her. The best lies are the ones closest to the truth. She also heavily implies that Max had a sex tape of her and Serena's eyes get all soft and dewy because girl, has she been there.

Max protests that Ivy is from a trailer park in Florida and saw her dad die in front of her of a heroine overdose but no one is listening anymore. They strong arm him out of the apartment but his threatening phone call means he's not through with her yet. "No one can touch me anymore. I'm a Rhodes now," she says, like an overdramatic crazy person. She really does fit right in with the family.

The Art of Letting Go

Blair is regulated into a subplot almost as small as Dan's this week, and yet it packs quite the emotional wallop. She's worried that Louis has turned to the dark side after the Gossip Girl leak from the episode before. In her mind, somehow, the only way to fix him is to find out how Chuck fixed himself. So she barrels into Chuck's apartment because she cannot get over Chuck's apparent life change, and if she can't undo it, she must understand it. Chuck is there hanging out with a monk doing yoga, because even though he's good Chuck Bass now, that doesn't mean he's not still wonderfully weird.

So Blair follows him to therapy and bursts in on his session and then gets mad when all he wants to talk about is Monkey. As the bulimic child of gay divorce, Blair knows therapy stalling when she sees it. When Chuck explains that he let her go by leaving her ring at Harry Winston and/or as a sizeable windfall for a homeless person, Blair runs out of the session like her soul is on fire.

Chuck comes to see Blair later and she explains that she had always thought that Chuck was the dark one in their relationship. But the fact that she's now driven someone else insane makes her think that maybe it was her all along. Chuck explains that losing her was the hardest thing he ever did, when he made it through without dying he was able to pick up the pieces. He says that he just wants her to be happy. It's a sweet scene and doubly sad because Blair's face really says it all about how she feels about Chuck. When Chuck is mistaken for the groom the scene gets even sadder. Why can't these crazy, evil kids ever make it work?

As the episode ends, both Blair and Chuck are moping in their usual way. Blair by lying in bed and refusing to eat cake and Chuck by drinking scotch. Chuck congratulates Nate on being so truth telling and moral. It's really nice to see Nate and Chuck have a bonding scene together, much as I love the recent Dan/Chuck bromance. It's even nicer to see them bonding in suits.

"I've finally become the man that she wanted and she wants someone else," Chuck observes the bittersweet irony. Nate seems sad for Chuck when he asks if Chuck still loves Blair. "Can't imagine the day I won't," Chuck responds. My heart explodes into a million sad little pieces, which will be the title of Dan's next non-bestselling book about Charlie Trout.

Next week Dan maybe reveals his feelings for Blair, Serena and Nate make very serious faces and limo sex maybe leads to an accident that probably causes Blair to miscarry. What did you think of the episode? What is Aunt Carol hiding about the real Charlie Rhodes? Will Ivy ever get caught? What's Grandfather's master plan? And when will Chuck and Blair just admit they're still in love? Sound off in the comments!

Best Tweets About the Episode

Morgan Glennon
Contributing Writer

(Image courtesy of The CW)