This week on Gossip Girl
, Blair realizes she has feelings for Dan. But Blair also loves Chuck, Louis and lamp. (Anchorman
references forever!) More tragically, however, we've lost our dear, pithy Cece to the great gin bar in the sky. Cece, I hope you're up there in your gold lame jumpsuit looking down on the rest of us. If there's one thing I think we should all take from Cece's untimely (especially since she still looks younger than ever) passing, it's that we should spend more time with the people we love. I know Cece wishes she had spent more time with her favorites: gin and vodka.
Other than the tragic passing of one of the greatest guest stars not named Georgina Sparks on the show, this episode was all over the place. It was nice that the Charlie/Ivy/Lola timebomb finally exploded this episode after a season of buildup.
While Chuck made a welcome return to both scarves and scheming, his character growth this season has stayed mostly intact. Even Serena seems to have become a more serene, forgiving person. And Nate continues to figure things out at a frighteningly normal rate, which is probably the most shocking of all.
Blair, as is her yin this season, swings wildly back and forth in her affections. I can't wait until next week when she rediscovers her feelings for Nate and notices how much of a stone cold fox Rufus looks in his puffy green parka. That househusband can sure work a fur trim, that's all I'm saying.
Ivy Meet Lola
It's been a whole season of mistaken identity, but finally Ivy has been outed as the well-meaning Serena kidnap-victim/socialite imposter that she is. If only she hadn't fallen so head over heels in love with Cece, she might have gotten away with her deception. But, really, can't we all relate?
Cece is fabulous. (For this recap, I refuse to use the past tense. Why did you have to leave us Cece!? Why in our season of greatest gin-swilling grandma need?) So when Cece takes a turn for the worst, Ivy is unable to get out of dodge before the whole family descends on the hospital.
Can we talk for a minute about the makeup job on Cece? Like I've said, the divine Ms. Lagerfelt always looks like she's a dewy ingenue. I'm exceedingly convinced that it wasn't cancer, but Benjamin Button disease that finally did her in. So the makeup department put so much makeup on that she looked like a cross between one of the Cullen's from Twilight
and an already calcified mummy. It was a little much.
What Ivy didn't know, however, was that the real Charlotte Rhodes was onto her trail. I have to be honest, I get what Nate sees in Lola. I might be falling a little bit in love with her myself. "Jeez, that Charlie gets around," Lola says when she finds out Charlie has hooked up with both Dan and Nate. She has clearly not hung out with anyone in this group very long. I forgot what it was like to have an outside perspective on all the ridiculous shenanigans.
Her reactions to things were so ... so ... logical. That's not a word I use much in these recaps, so I feel like we must cherish these moments with Lola. In about two or three episodes, these people will have driven her completely insane like they do with everyone.
So now everyone knows that Ivy is an imposter and Lola is the real deal. Lola knows that she has a whole family made up of people stupid enough to get manipulated by Ivy, the worst actress in the world. One of my favorite things about this episode is Serena's facial expressions as Ivy explains how Serena kidnapped her and forced her into a life of identity theft. Serena's like, "Player, please. I'm all out of forgiveness today. Even I have my limits."
Lola is also having a pretty bad day. She cuts off her mom for good and tells Serena she has no interest in getting coffee with her. Poor Serena. She wanted a cousin so badly, she basically made one up and now she's getting denied by the real thing. But the one thing Lola did get was closer to Nate. So that's something?Schemes and Scarves
Meanwhile, Chuck has gone quietly insane since last week and it's delightful to watch. No one suspects anything; he's just sort of skulking around corners like a Bond villain all episode. He's like, "No, Dan, please let me take your bag containing your very important manuscript. I will guard your genius with my life! No, please, help yourself to anything in my house. Tea, bourbon, making out with my ex-girlfriend in my room?" I have no idea how no one picked up on the undercurrent of crazy just roiling off Chuck in waves, except for the fact that it's what Chuck is like every second of his life.
In case we need some further confirmation that there was something terribly wrong with Chuck, his hair is just this side of crazy. At first, you just notice something is off and then when you look closer you notice he has a fade like he's a rapper in the early 90's. "Ice Ice Baby," I imagine him saying menacingly as he pets Monkey like the villain from Inspector Gadget or Cee Lo Green in all those promos for The Voice
. That hair is a cry for help. I want to start a fund or a telethon or something for hair support for the entire cast of Gossip Girl
this season. They need our help so badly, you guys.
Chuck continues hooking up with Dan's desperate book publisher Alexandra in order to distract her from reading Dan's switched book proposal. This proposal Chuck switched is a total plagiarism which might get him released from his contract. Of course, Dan didn't back up his actual proposal. I'm surprised Dan didn't write it on a typewriter with paper he whittled himself.
Chuck threatens to go to Page Six before Dan can explain the situation, thus tarnishing Dan's name forever. Then he laughs manically and twirls his moustache. It's awesome. "You can't win against me, Humphrey. You can't even compete," Chuck says moments after explaining his evil plan. "Well, then I guess I'm not competing; I must be winning," Dan counters, explaining that Chuck wouldn't be trying to straight up murder him if he wasn't an actual romantic rival with Blair. I miss the days when these two would just get high and watch The Matrix
Later, Blair calls Chuck to advise him to lay off Dan. She doesn't know what she's feeling about anything or anyone but she does know that Chuck coming after Dan will ensure that she gets closer to him. Chuck is like, "Didn't you tell me to wait for you like a day ago?" and Blair is like, "Yeah! Keep waiting! I'll just be making out with Dan in the meantime, but it's nice to have several backups!"
Just as Chuck sends Alexandra the real proposal and is about to go to his sad drinking corner, he gets an email. It's from Gossip Georgina and it's a forward of the video Dan sent to GG at Blair's wedding. "Humphrey, you bastard!" Chuck says dramatically. I wanted him to yell "Humphrey!!" at the ceiling while shaking his fist, but I guess we can't get everything we want.
Meanwhile, Serena and Blair are still fighting. I love that whenever the girls fight, the only solution that seems available to people around them is to lock them in confined spaces and hope they both make it out alive. In this case, Serena says that Blair is denying her feelings for Dan by avoidance. Serena is sick of Blair lying to her face about her feelings for Dan. Meanwhile, Blair is deep in denial mode. Blair is also wearing the ugliest eyeshadow I have ever seen. That eyeshadow is clearly a cry for help.
Blair tells Serena that she is so confident in her lack of feelings for Dan Humphrey that she will spend an entire day with him. She will just stalk him to the Upright Citizens Brigade, where they are performing/mocking his book. While I like Dan, can I just say I don't buy that anyone as self-righteous as he is would really be okay with a mocking performance of his great opus. He was throwing tantrums when his book fell off the bestsellers list earlier this season. So I just assume that all episode, as they made fun of his "great American novel" about Claire and Sabrina, Dan was dying a little bit inside.
Dan tells Blair he doesn't just want to be her friend, he wants to be more, but Blair won't hear it. When Lola asks Blair about her fictional relationship with fictional Dan, she feels the need to display that their kiss would be completely innocent and chemistry-free. Then they proceed to mount each other in front of poor unsuspecting Lola, with poor traumatized Serena waiting in the wings. Yup! No passion here!
Blair heads out after Serena to try to explain things, but Serena doesn't want to hear her explanations. After getting a call about our dearly departing Cece, Serena grabs a cab out of her fight with Blair to the hospital.
After Lola bounces, Blair brilliantly plays herself in the performance. She is killing the poor girl playing Serena, just making up lines all over the place. Then fake Serena tells "Claire" how "Dylan" loves her and Blair starts actually listening. Apparently, "Dylan" went to see "Claire" at an essay contest that even her mom didn't attend. "Dan was there?" Blair asks. Yes, I suppose Dan was, although we the audience were sadly missing.
I spent about five minutes racking my brain for when all these supposed instances of Dan's true love happened. We're supposed to believe they happened in high school, when Dan thought that Blair was the anti-Christ and Blair was routinely trying to murder his sister? Did this essay contest happen in that season of Gossip Girl
that didn't air on TV? No wonder I missed it.
At the hospital, Blair admits to Serena that she has feelings for Dan, but won't act on them if it will hurt their friendship. Serena is pretty sweet here and says that she doesn't want to be an obstacle to their relationship. It's a really nice Blair and Serena scene, reaffirming how much they mean to each other as friends and sister-substitutes.
I am a bit sad that their fight is over, though, if only because when they were fighting their friendship at least got some screen time. I fear that now that Serena has given her tactic blessing, Blair will be off fighting with Dan and Chuck, and Serena will be stalking a new cousin and they will go back to having five seconds of screen time per episode. I hope I'm wrong.
Blair tells Dan that she realizes that she does actually have feelings for him, as much as she might try to deny it. Dan looks pretty psyched that Blair has come out of crazy denial-ville. Blair tells Dan she's going to stay with Serena and her family to support her. Then she gives Dan a familiar kiss as he heads off, right in front of poor heartbroken Serena, whose grandmother is dying in the next room. Blair couldn't have held off on the PDA for a better time? Serena is really having the worst year.
Next week, everyone mourns Cece by wearing gold lame, getting drunk and saying mean things to each other. Georgina sets up her evil empire in Manhattan with Chuck and Ivy at her side, while her husband videotapes her ascension with Milo in a Baby Bjorn.
What did you think of this week's episode? Excited that Dan and Blair admitted their feelings and made out with each other's faces? Hoping Blair and Chuck find their way back to each other? Or just mourning Cece? Sound off in the comments!