Spotted last week on Gossip Girl: Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick) becoming the head of Bass Industries and then losing the position as quickly as he got it, all because of a pesky morality clause; Serena (Blake Lively) and Dan (Penn Badgely) somehow overcoming the back-and-forth double-weirdness of learning “You share a sibling—oh no, you don't” and “Your parents aren't dating—oh yes, they are.” Oh yeah, and if you usually watch this show with your eyes closed and your ears plugged, then I should tell you that Blair (Leighton Meester) really, really wants to go to Yale. Really.

This week, we tune in to see Dorota, Daddy Waldorf, and his French mister greeting Blair on “The Big Day”—which is Yale Day, when Yale sends out their decision emails to early admissions applicants. Blair thinks she hears Dorota whimpering with grief, but it's actually her new bulldog, Handsome Dan, the cutest good luck present in the world. Blair immediately changes the name to Handsome. It's a jolly breakfast gathering, but Blair manages to pipe in that Chuck Bass is still dead to her. Good to know.

Serena and Dan meet before school, and Dan worries that he won't get into Yale. S brushes off his worries, and they lament their twisted family situation a little bit more, until Rufus and Lily come downstairs, quite obviously from night of bedroom excitement. S and D leave for school, all the more weirded out. Eric walks in and reminds the kissing couple that Lily's room is right above his. Seems the sexually active parents kept him up last night. Eww. Lily convinces Rufus to attend the opera tonight, to declare their relationship to the world. At least the opera-attending world.

Cut to Chuck, who is working on his latest scheme to dethrone Uncle Jack by phoning in for some “young and unstable” mail-order hookers. Jack walks in, and says that even though he's still adjusting to his new job, he's doing better than Chuck would. Jack tells Chuck to go to the opera tonight, since he's the public face of the company.

Back at Constance, S and D spot the new Shakespeare teacher, Miss Carr, whom Dan points out could pass for a student. (Foreshadowing much?) Turns out Miss Carr—oh, I mean Rachel, except that Rachel shouldn't ask her students to call her Rachel if she ever wants to look over 17 years old, should she?—turns out Rachel is from Des Moines, 2 years out of college after doing Teach for America, and is totally oblivious about New York. (Brooklyn? What's Brooklyn?) Oh, and she's cute. Of course she is.

What do you call a Cougar who's only 24 years old? A… puma? I ask because I'm calling it right now: Miss Carr is a sly little teacher puma. The question is: Who will be her Pacey Witter?

Blair is forcing all the Girls of the Steps to “Refresh! Refresh! Refresh!” her email on their phones until the message from Yale arrives. Even Nelly Yuki, who applied to Yale herself. Too bad you lost all my sympathy when you turned into a conniving little snake in the last two episodes, Nelly. It's nice to see Blair back in action as Queen B. It's the natural order. “Refresh!”

Chuck goes to see Lily, who is picking out gowns for the opera. He tells her that he wants her help on a project. And then, before telling her any specifics whatsoever, he asks if she's in. Because that makes total sense: who would ever say no to providing a favor to Chuck Bass without knowing at all what they were getting into?

All the “Refresh!”-ing stops: the emails are in. The final count: Dan—accepted, Serena—accepted, Blair—waitlisted. Uh oh. S lies and tells everyone that she was waitlisted, to avoid Blair's wrath. B tells her minions that she needs to see the headmistress…

…RIGHT NOW!



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