'Gossip Girl' Recap: Crash into Me
'Gossip Girl' Recap: Crash into Me
This week on the mid-season finale of Gossip Girl, Chuck and Blair finally get their acts together for one blissful moment before getting the Princess Diana treatment. We'll always have those five minutes of Chair joy though! Unless Chuck dies or gets retrograde amnesia.

But with all the excellent Chuck Bass quips this episode, including Chuck hitting on Nate, I doubt they would ever kill him off. It was excellent to see the Chuck and Blair dream team back together. Every one of their scenes tonight crackled with tension, loss and love. Dan and Blair also made a hilarious, quippy team as Blair wondered why he didn't have a bedside silk scarf and marveled that his romantic Empire love den looked like the staging for a ritual sacrifice.

While Chuck and Blair were the winners of this episode, despite the car crash that disappointingly involved no wolves, everyone else didn't make out so well. Charlie is on the run again, this time from her guilty conscience. Dan, after being almost terrible, finally put someone else's feelings before his own. Unfortunately, Serena didn't do the same but she did declare war on Gossip Girl once and for all. And with the easily manipulated Nate by her side, how can she fail? (The answer is easily and inevitably.)

Plus, Diana is back in the picture. And she's on the phone with Uncle Jack Bass, which means that slimy, gross, handsome devil will be paying a visit soon, hopefully this time without the molester facial hair.

It's a strong episode to send the audience out on the winter hiatus. It's also classic Gossip Girl, with some fantastic zingers, great emotional moments, scandals and a level of interconnectedness between storylines the show hasn't pulled off in quite some time. Every character plays their part in the eventual crash ending and they all do it spectacularly.

Coming Out

Charlie starts the episode excited at the prospect of her debutant party, her official coming out into society bash. Lily is even more excited because it's been at least two episodes since they've actually attended a party and she's getting twitchy without a reason to break out a gigantic necklace.

Despite having her job at the Spectator back, Charlie is haunted by the ghost of boyfriends past. In this case it's Max, the boyfriend that went from 'aw shucks' Midwest sweetie to vindictive psychopath in a New York minute. We've seen a lot of characters go balls-out crazy on this show, but none as fast as Max. If he stayed around, we might have found a perfect match for Georgina.

Max tries to sell her story to anyone who will listen. Instead of going to somewhere like the New York Post that would publish it in a hot minute with a truly terrible pun headline, he goes to a personal friend of Charlie's fake family. When Nate turns him down, he's angry and appalled. Max might be psychotic, but he's also not very smart. Next he takes his info to Tripp and finally has some luck.

When Max shows up at Charlie's debutant party Nate, basically tells her that everything is going to be terrible and life-ruining and then gives her the perfect way to shut down her party and wanders off after something shiny. Thanks a lot Nate; that was helpful.

So Charlie calls in the paparazzi in the hopes that their desperate quest for pictures of Blair will shut down the party. When it doesn't, but instead basically gets Blair killed, her guilt causes her to confess to Rufus at the hospital and then high-tail it out of town. Looks like she might need some extra cash. I guess she could always check Harry Winston to see if any heartbroken millionaires left a giant ring outside.

Almost a Real Boy

Meanwhile, Nate is excited to be a real adult with real responsibilities that owns a suit. Chuck is super turned on by Nate's new take-charge, mayor-ignoring attitude. I'm sure that was exciting since Chuck has been neglecting his first bromance with Nate for his new fling with Dan's self-pity and plaid.

Soon, however, Nate finds out that he's still a pawn in the game being played by Tripp, Grandfather, Diana and possibly everyone else on this show. It's not hard to make Nate a pawn in your game. It takes basically no actual skill to manipulate Nate into doing what you want. When Grandfather tells Tripp (hello again, sailor!) that he's out and Nate is the new family golden child, Tripp is pissed. Tripp has given his whole life trying to make something of himself and Nate has gotten to where he is with some luck, a lot of pot and a good dose of sexy times with cougars. I can kind of see Tripp's point.

What I can't see is how cutting the brakes on Nate's town car helps the situation. I mean, isn't there a big leap from jealousy to homicide? We've seen Tripp Chappaquiddick Serena before, but it's a larger leap to murdering a close family member. Perhaps Tripp has come down with Max's instant-crazy disease. Although I guess Tripp is consistent because it appears his special talent is crashing cars. I'm just sad there were no wolves involved this time. It's just not a good car crash on Gossip Girl unless wolves are somehow involved, am I right?

Lonely Boy and Lonelier Girl

Meanwhile, Serena and Dan both have love life disasters which they handle with various levels of success. Thanks to his Twitter war with himself and Katy Perry, Inside is selling again. So much so that the publisher has ordered a second printing with an added afterword. Dan acts like adding an afterword means he will be dramatically changing the ending of his book, like he's George Lucas about to "fix" Star Wars.

After some snipping, Serena explains that Dan's book got everyone on course this season because it portrayed everyone like jerkbags and made them want to change. After Serena's run-in with the talented Mr. Max, she's decided her romantic choices have been a little less than stellar lately. Dan tells her to read Gossip Girl to see where it all went wrong. As she does, Rufus, the fairy househusband of love for this episode, comes to in help. He makes her realize that her last reasonably functional relationship that didn't end with being roofied and left for dead or crashed by wolves and left for dead was with Dan. Dan never left her half-dead anywhere; he only occasionally killed her spirit. But for Serena, that was a pretty healthy relationship.

Rufus is also all up in Dan's grill about his feelings for Blair, advising him to spill his feelings to her. Dan thinks Blair currently has too much on her plate, what with the two suitors she already has lined up. Blair is totally this season's Serena, because apparently only one of the girls can monopolize all the love interests at one time.

When Blair goes to the loft to hide out from paparazzi, Dan decides to tell her his feelings over pizza. He tells Serena as much, which makes her eyes go all crazy like she's dark-phoenix Serena. Watch out world, someone is getting Nair-tini'd tonight. Serena decides to send Louis after Blair in an attempt to both make Blair happy and cut Dan off from his feelings talk. I don't think she had much to worry about since Dan was going to confess love to Blair Waldorf over carbs.

But she doesn't even have to, because Dan takes one look at Blair's face post-Chuck phone call and decides to play matchmaker. He takes Blair to the Empire to talk with Chuck. He tells Serena he was so consumed by his own feelings he couldn't see that Blair loved Chuck. Serena looks sad, realizing that Dan was actually a much better person than she was by letting go.

Thankfully, later in the hospital pissed, crazy, awesome Serena rears her head once again. Serena blames the car accident on Gossip Girl and her voice is getting all crazy like that one time Gossip Girl called her irrelevant. I mean, it's not quite that upset, but it is close.

She decides it's time to take Gossip Girl down, once and for all. Serena sounds like a mobster in the most ridiculously, amazing way possible. Nate signs onto her quest for revenge. And Dan looks at them both like they are mentally impaired, which they are, but that doesn't take away from their awesome. I can't wait to see Serena and Nate start scheming. I would bet money that their evil plans are written in crayon.

Princess Diana Redux

If there's one thing you can say about Gossip Girl's plotlines, it's that they love to steal all theirs from history and current events. First was Blair's royal wedding, which began around the time the actual royal wedding fever started. Now poor Blair has gotten a less happily-ever-after plotline from another princess: Princess Di.

Blair's story this episode was about figuring out which of her two suitors she would choose. Would it be Chuck Bass the former bad boy with a heart of gold or baby-daddy Louis the prince with the lisp and single facial expression? Not that hard of a choice if you ask me. Blair is like one episode away from being a special guest on the Maury Povich show.

Like most overdramatic love stories, there were some roadblocks for Chuck and Blair. First there was the terribly sad phone call that broke the hearts of both Chuck and Blair in which Chuck told her to be with Louis because she was carrying his baby. Then Chuck and Louis, the "prince and the pill popper," both arrived at Dan's loft in Brooklyn to find Blair gone.

But finally, with a little help from Dan who appears to have a gone on some kind of hunger strike until he gets better hair, the two were reunited. It was a sweet scene set to firelight that culminated in the happy couple declaring their love for each other.

"Just because Louis is the father of your baby doesn't mean you should be with him. You should be with me. Because I'm going to love your baby as much as I love you," Chuck tells Blair and kisses her wrist adorably. Blair wants to tell Louis the engagement is off in person, so Nate helps them sneak downstairs away from the paparazzi. As they get into the wrong town car, Nate says it's about time like he's a person in the airport at the end of a romantic comedy.

"You're all I ever wanted. I love you. I love every part of you. I couldn't tell Louis that he would never lose me because it was never true. You're the one I never want to leave," Blair tells Chuck. We hardly have time to pretend our happy tears are allergies before the car crashes.

At the hospital, Lily is crying because while Blair looks like she's pulling through, Chuck isn't as lucky. As hospital workers run towards possibly-dying Chuck, our favorite Upper East Siders pull together and hope for the best. Man, Bass men and cars are not a good combination, are they? If I was Jack, I would have myself helicoptered everywhere.

Gossip Girl returns on January 16. But until then, let's ponder the following: Will Chuck survive? Will Blair's baby? (Please, of course not.) Will Serena take down Gossip Girl? Was it Tripp behind the car sabotage? Who is Diana and what does she have to do with Uncle Jack? Have we seen the last of Ivy? And will Chuck and Blair finally get back together? Sound off in the comments!

Morgan Glennon
Contributing Writer

(Image courtesy of The CW)