In last night's episode, "Goodbye, Columbia," no one really said goodbye to Columbia at all -- but one of the New Yorkers did say ta-ta to the city altogether. Now is it just me, or does it seem like leaving town every time something bad happens never really works out for this bunch?
Although the title of the episode mentions "goodbye," the true theme seemed centered around "hello," as everyone in the city popped up in the most random places -- Chuck at Columbia, Vanessa at Hamilton House and Dan at the Empire Hotel. You know something bad is about to go down when these fish find themselves out of water.
Sex on Fire
Poor Serena never seems to catch a break lately. And between missing cab rides and arguing with Vanessa, her bad luck streak seems perpetual. When a handsome man repeatedly keeps Serena from making it to school on time, the blond finds herself in trouble with her professor. And things get worse when Gossip Girl puts out a blast about Serena having an STD. The news travels faster than sexually-transmitted diseases, and by the time Serena is ready to make up her tardies with the professor, he and the Dean have already heard the news -- oh, and also received an e-mail "from Serena" in which she offered sex for good grades. Juliet sent the GG blast and the e-mail, of course, but Serena's let off the hook when evidence supports her claims of stolen e-dentity.
The Town's Been Talking
While Serena's swirling in hell (which is awfully unusual for her), Vanessa's floating in heaven (also unusual). At least until the GG blast implies that Dan and Serena did more than just sleep when they were in bed last spring. They continue to insist that nothing happened that night, so Vanessa makes the dumbest mistake everyone's been making lately: trusting Juliet. Under Juliet's "guidance" Vanessa steals Serena's phone to look for any incriminating e-mails between she and Dan. When she finds none, she's relieved -- until Juliet plants Serena's phone in Vanessa's purse, causing everyone to blame her for sending that naughty e-mail to Serena's professor. A teary-eyed Vanessa then decides to stay with her parents in Vermont for a while, and Dan doesn't stop her as she leaves. (Who else was rooting for Vanessa to slap Juliet across the face instead?)
Do you feel bad for Vanessa?>>
Fell in Love Without You
Meanwhile, in the War of the Wasps, Chuck weasels his way into Columbia as a teacher's assistant -- and guess who he's assisting? Oh yes, the very same businesswoman Blair was hoping to assist. Despite valiant Waldorf efforts to tip the scales in her favor, Chuck outmaneuvers her at every turn. He then tells her he'll take everything she wants, because apparently (at some point on the show) she ruined his life. Still not seeing that logic. Anyway, she makes a fine point when she tells him he was the one who screwed things up on his own and that she'll never love him again. Chuck then threatens to tell everyone that he and Jenny slept together, which will apparently (somehow) ruin Blair's reputation.
Nothing Left to Lose
In the episode's final moments, Serena has a drink with the adorable man that kept taking her cabs, Selfish Juliet and Stupid Nate sleep together, and Chuck calls in a favor that will lure Jenny back to the city. The catch? We'll have to wait until Oct. 25 to see how everything goes down.
(Image courtesy of the CW.)