Tonight's Gossip Girl was all about secrets - the ones we keep, the ones we reveal, and the ones that change our lives forever. And then there was Dan and Blair's failed attempt at a salon party. Serena's inability to keep her alter ego under lock and key was aided by Diana's need to keep some skeletons inside her own closet, but their carefully laid plans were soon undermined by a whip-smart Lola. Unfortunately, both her and Serena's individual sleuthing led to Chuck's year being ruined for the fifth season in a row, and so Lola had a change of heart about outing people's secrets. Nate, meanwhile, drew a line in the sand about what behavior he is willing to accept from his friends and lovers, and both Lola and her sister-cousin found themselves on the other side of it. Finally, Rufus found himself with no wife and no credit card line after he lied to Lily about his involvement with Ivy Dickens. Seems like everyone learned they were better off telling the truth in the first place. Here are the best quotes of the night:
Lola: "Sorry, did I wake you? It's after nine."
Nate: "That's dawn on the Upper East Side."
- We've spent so much time in Brooklyn lately that I actually missed Upper East Side jokes!
Blair (to Dan): "Why don't you go home and shower? Or not shower and just use deodorant as people in Brooklyn are wont to do."
- Dan is so comfortable in his new relationship with Blair that he doesn't mind jokes about his body odor? Too bad Serena wasn't able to enjoy this version of him all those years ago.
Lola (to Serena): "This is the biggest audition of my life. Last thing I'm worried about is some pathetic blogger in a dark room tethered to her computer."
- So much ouch. As if Serena hasn't been taking hits from everywhere else all season long. Now she can't even do GG right!
Lily (to Rufus): "The Upper East Side offers all the comforts I desire. Clean sidewalks, Bergdorf Goodman's, and people whose job is it to open doors. But there is no you."
- Listing off all these amazing - and hilarious - perks only to say her husband was more important to her than any of them? Sweetest moment of the night.
Blair: "A couple only has one chance to make a first impression on the world, and I'm not doing it knee-deep in fertilizer, looking like Vanessa what's-her-face."
- The most amazing part about this quote is how Blair rags on Vanessa Abrams with no self-awareness that Vanessa is exactly who she's become.
Blair: "At a salon? I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."
- Given that Nate has been the smartest character this entire season, I'm sure he wouldn't dignify this insult with a response.
Serena (to Dan and Blair): "In the madness of planning this soiree, you must have forgotten to invite me. But it's OK, don't stop on account of me."
- I've missed this passive-aggressive It-Girl. Welcome back, my love!
Rufus: "I used my own personal credit card."
- Can't. Stop. Laughing.
Chuck (to Diana): You have been in New York for months, inviting me to parties, hiring my friends, hanging out in my apartment in your underwear. Banging my best friend. Did it not occur to you to mention this, that you were my mother?"
- A very poignant scene for Ed Westwick, but the fact that the cruz of this drama is Nate being Chuck's mother lover? Is the icing on the cake.
Blair (to Dan): "[The sale] was supposed to capture who we are as a couple, but it wasn't smart or interesting. It wasn't uptown or downtown. It was a bloody mess."
- You said it, Blair. Not me.
Tatiana del Pilar
(Image courtesy of The CW)