'Gossip Girl' Aftergasm: Growing Up is, Like, Hard to Do
'Gossip Girl' Aftergasm: Growing Up is, Like, Hard to Do
Meghan Carlson
Meghan Carlson
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
Last night’s Gossip Girl was a bit like a WASP-y rendition of Freaky Friday—our resident 40-year-old teenagers Lily and Rufus dealt with some self-imposed going-steady drama over their “lists,” while Nate and Blair struggled with life goals and career paths, each learning for the first time what my college roommate once so profoundly quipped: “Living is, like, hard.”

Last night’s Gossip Girl episode, "The Grandfather," was more pleasing than a rousing game of “Where’s Waldorf?” Why? Because we finally dove into the full-fledged, no holds barred break-ups and boo-hooing that last week's school play filler prepped us for! Aftermath galore, and I was loving it. Because as much as I enjoy lamenting Chair's everlasting detour in splitsville and admiring Serena's assets in her ever-plunging necklines during our slower weeks--there's nothing I love more than nitpicking rich people's unlifelike life-problems when things really go down on the Upper East Side.

Life was hard for everyone in Manhattan, except Jenny and Eric, who must have been building a new-sibling tree house together this week. Crazy kids. Let’s hit up the high notes:

- Oh, Chuck.
Even when you’re busy spending your days pining for only-mildly-bad Blair and your nights knocking on her door and asking, “Is Blair here?” you still find the time to exercise your sleaze muscles. “Yale, the only thing she wanted more than me. That would be painful,” he says, managing to make B’s personal crisis a pat on his own well-tailored back. "Chuck, she's embarrassed, so we've got to give her time to lick her wounds," Serena rasps. "Maybe I could lick them for her.” Is it even possible for that not to be disgusting, even (or, especially) sex-wise?

- Oh, Blair. You think you’re revealing a true new nihilism because you’re drinking, stealing, boning Carter Baizen, and burning bridges with your bitch face? Where’s the new? My favorite Gossip Girl analysts over at New York Mag said it better than I could: “We love that her "rebellion" didn't involve anything truly transgressive, like chopping off her hair, say, or wearing pants.” But it did reveal a sticky scholarly situation that needs resolving—where will Blair be next year, if no upstanding college will take her buckets of money? Here’s a million-dollar spin-off idea, if Josh Schwartz really wants her to rebel: Queen B ruling the courtyard at White Collar Prison. Can’t you just see the homemade headband shivs?

- And, all together now: Ooooh, Vanessa. You thought Summer Pierogi Tour ’09 was more important and true to Nate’s unique little snowflake self than a summer internship in the Mayor’s office? Are you sure Nate even knows what “pierogi” means? In this economy, I find it hard to believe that you would be so shocked that a C-student like Nate jumped at the chance for some ol’ fashioned nepotism... or that you could afford a 3-month romp around the old country, anyway. A collective sigh of relief rang out when V realized that she and young Prince Archibald maybe kinda sorta broke up. But what I don’t get is: she’s not even a bit relieved, even after that Ghost of Morning Cocktails Yet to Come (Maureen) gave V a preview of the next “30 years” with all its muddy, violent and homoerotic touch football (and political) games ahead. If Nate really believes he can’t escape his heritage, V doesn’t strike me as the Dharma-to-his-Greg type. Here’s hoping the breakup sticks this time.

- WTF, Lily? Lily gave us a sneak preview into her forthcoming Gossip Girl spin-off by showing us the list of every man who’s ever plucked a petal off of her now-proven-beyond-necessary-soiled-flower-self. And Rufus got mad that she’s like the subway (everyone in a major metro area has ridden it at least once) because he spent his years as a lead singer in a rock band pining after her instead of scraping the bottom of the groupie barrel. And Lily’s the mad one, because Rufus is ashamed of how long her list is, which she hid from him because she is ashamed of how long her list is. No, wait! Rufus is the mad one because he’s surprised the woman who mothered his orphaned son whom he never knew about until a few weeks ago has problems with lying and having too much sex. But wait, once more! Everything is okay again, because Rufus knows that Lily loves red wine, romance novels, and Christmas ornaments. Because those are the things that high-class, educated women who hire private art consultants and head up billion-dollar companies (until their step-sons are of age) enjoy. So they make up.

What were your favorite and least favorite parts of last night's Gossip Girl? Sound off in the comments below and tell me what you think!

Missed "The Grandfather"? Fear not: 'Gossip Girl' Recap: Episode 2.19 "The Grandfather"

-Meghan Carlson, BuddyTV Staff Writer
Image courtesy of the CW