Last night on Gossip Girl, episode 3.09, "They Shoot Humphreys, Don't They?":

Jenny wants to be queen, not only of Constance, but of the entire UES. She decides she can only do this by obtaining the perfect escort for the cotillion. Her minions attempt to find someone worthy of their her highness, but Jenny only wants one boy, Graham Collins.
 
Blair and Chuck discuss her involvement in the cotillion. Blair insists that she would doesn't want to go because she could chance running into Serena. Chuck convinces her that by going, she would give Serena a chance to apologize. Chuck also tells Blair he is planning a lost weekend with Nate. Blair is shocked at first, but eventually approves the festivities.
 
Serena wants a job, again. We are still unsure why. This time she gets a job working for Tripp van der Bilt, the newly elected congressman. They seem to have sparks, but attempt not acting on them. 

Dan and Vanessa try to convince Olivia not to leave NYU to film a new Endless Knights movie. They want to give her the ultimate college experience. They find a list of the top things to do in college and begin doing shots at parties, among other college-like things.
 
Lily tells Jenny that she will need to catch up with the other girls in the cotillion because they have been taking ballroom for years. This causes Jenny to feel unsure of herself. She ignores an innocent girl that says hi to her and storms past her friends
 
Meanwhile Eric meets a new girl, Kyra, and tells her not to help Jenny snag Graham Collins as her escort, even though they both have connections with him. Eric and Jenny have a heart to heart and he offers Jonathon to take her to the debut. Graham texts Jenny about cotillion, but Eric deletes the text.
 
Serena and Blair argue over who should be Jenny's mentor. Blair tells Jenny that taking her brother's boyfriend to cotillion would be a disgrace. Serena offers the position to Blair and Blair accepts.
 
Kyra accidentally ruins Eric's ploy to save Jenny by informing her that she has connections with Graham. Jenny fires Blair as her mentor and tells her that her era is over, along with her headband.
 
Blair and Kyra join forces to take down Queen J. Blair advises her not to be friends with someone like Serena, I mean Jenny. Blair and Eric plan to make Kyra the new queen of Constance. They get Graham Collins to be her escort through blackmail, even though he was supposed to be Jenny's.
 
Olivia's parents and agents convince her to leave NYU for her new movie, despite Dan and Vanessa's efforts to get her to stay. They party it up, eat pizza, and look very suspicious...
 
Chuck steals Blair's phone and texts Serena to meet her. He also gets Nate to trick Blair into meeting Serena. He traps them in an elevator until they fix their broken friendship. Serena and Blair are besties again. Yawn.
 
Jenny is humiliated at her debut because she doesn't have a date. She calls Nate for help. She has a debut a second time, this one with Nate as her escort. They share a moment, but don't kiss...
 
Serena lets Tripp know she wants to quit her job, but he says they could be professional. Blair walks in just as they are about to kiss...
 
Jenny warns Kyra to watch her back. Jenny and her followers go out to dinner, but Eric opts out. He then tells Kyra that next time they will get Jenny for good. Jonathon says he can't date Eric anymore because he is becoming just as bad as Jenny. Guess Jeric won't be kissing anymore...
 
Unlike Dan, Olivia, and Vanessa, who kiss each other. All at once. We presume they then commence their threesome. Crazy stuff, Gossip Girl. Too bad we all knew about it four weeks ago.



-Ella Thompson, BuddyTV Fan Columnist
Image courtesy of the CW