Like a guy unbuttoning his pants after Thanksgiving dinner, this week's episode of Glee
is stuffed. New Directions competes at Sectionals, which typically deserves an entire episode. But not this year.
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Instead, many McKinley alum return home for the holidays in a move that should make Tina's head explode. And in case bringing Quinn, Puck, Santana, Mike and Mercedes back wasn't enough, Kurt and Rachel spend Thanksgiving in NYC with SJP. To top it all off, there's a cliffhanger, which just makes me angry.
The episode begins with Quinn on the McKinley stage singing about home. She's joined by Puck. Then Mike and Santana. Then Mercedes. Then Finn. It's incredibly sweet and a great performance, almost enough to make me forget about the fact that this show isn't really about any of these characters any more. Also, as someone who's been there, let me say that the most pathetic thing in the world is when graduates come back to their high school to relive their glory days.
They go to Breadstix where they briefly mock the fact that Rachel and Kurt didn't come back like they all promised they would. We also learn Quinn hasn't used that train ticket Rachel gave her because she's focused on getting into an all-girls secret society. Really? I thought it was because Dianna Agron was filming a movie in Europe.
Finn asks the alumni to help mentor the new New Directions for Sectionals, and they're all game. Finn's big idea is to perform "Gangnam Style," which is an absolutely terrible idea and not just because Brittany is the only good dancer.
The homecoming is especially awesome for Quinn and Santana, who quickly get into a cat fight because their mentees, Marley and Kitty, are frenemies. Quinn reveals that she's sleeping with her 35-year-old married professor, proving that she's still a walking, talking Lifetime movie cliche. And she thinks Santana is jealous because she's too scared to do anything besides cheerlead in Kentucky.Love Triangle Drama
Marley and Jake are now dating and Ryder seems OK with that because he and Jake are bros. Jake agrees to let Ryder have the dance solo at Sectionals as a consolation prize for losing Marley. And Kitty steps up her game by telling Quinn that Jake is pressuring Marley to have sex, and she believes it because she has a little experience with the Puckerman clan. The whole time Marley is still deep in her bulimia, which continues to be the dumbest storyline this show has ever done. Is Kitty messing with Marley's home scale? Is she secretly tailoring ALL of Marley's clothes? Because if not, there's no reason Marley should still be buying this crap.Orphan's Dinner in NYC
Rachel and Kurt decide to stay in New York City for Thanksgiving because going home always leads to more heartbreak. They agree to focus on their careers and futures and forsake all boy drama.
That pact is very short-lived as Rachel invites Brody over for Thanksgiving after he apologizes for sleeping with Cassandra. He plays the "I'm a mature adult and you're being childish" card, which is a major warning sign that this dude is a big league d-bag. But Rachel doesn't care because she likes rubbing his turkey (not a euphemism).
They call it an orphan's dinner, which I assume makes Burt Hummel and Rachel's gay dads feel kind of bad about themselves. Stop pretending that Kurt and Rachel are all alone and have no one to turn to but each other. They have incredibly loving and supporting parents.
Also, in the most preposterous moment ever, Kurt invites Isabelle over because the famous fashion editor has no plans now that Gore Vidal is dead. That turns out to be a bad idea because Isabelle invites over all of her friends and they basically invade Kurt and Rachel's apartment and turn it into a night club that Stefon from Saturday Night Live
They sing some ridiculously awful song about having a "kiki," which seems to be code for an insane NYC club party. I can only assume this absurdly stupid scene was added to make "Gangnam Style" seem good by comparison.
Later Kurt calls up Blaine just before he's going to perform at Sectionals to say he's still mad at him and doesn't forgive him, but he loves him and wants to have a mature conversation at Christmas. Ugh, didn't they break up? Can't we just leave it at that instead of dragging it out?Sectionals
The Sectionals competition is held on Thanksgiving Day, which doesn't even make the top 5 list of ridiculous things in this episode. Things kick off with the Warblers singing two whole songs. Why? There are no series regulars on the team and the show isn't about Dalton Academy, so I have no idea why the show decided to waste so much time with these guys.
Mr. Schuester arrives in the middle of the show to watch New Directions perform "Gangnam Style." It's marginally better than I thought it would be, but it's still painfully schticky, like doing the Macarena. Also, didn't we all agree singing songs in foreign languages was a dumb idea?
But the performance isn't the big issue. By the end Marley's head is spinning from the bulimia and laxatives and as the song ends, she faints on stage.
And that's it. Seriously, the episode just ends right then. We don't see what happens next, we don't find out about Sectionals, it's just an obnoxious and stupid cliffhanger.
Although not really, because the promo for next week's episode basically makes it look like New Directions will forfeit because you can't leave the stage in the middle of a performance. I guess we'll find out for sure next week, which is also when Kurt auditions for NYADA and Britteny and Sam finally kiss.
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(Image courtesy of FOX)