'Glee' Recap: Let's Get Ready to Rumble!
'Glee' Recap: Let's Get Ready to Rumble!
John Kubicek
John Kubicek
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
This week Glee decides to let musical feuds serve as a way to let people deal with their problems. Unfortunately, this doesn't seem to work for Will and Finn who are still feuding at the end of this episode. We also find out Rachel isn't pregnant (BOO), Brody is a whore (YAY) and Blaine is a top (TMI).

Will vs. Finn

Will and Finn have been feuding ever since the bombshell that Finn kissed Emma, so the kids force them to work things out through song. Finn wants to use words to handle the fight, but Will is angry that his Best Man broke the bro code and is eager to vent some of his rage. He starts by saying he only asked Finn to take over New Directions because he felt pity on him. Ouch.

It's here where I could point out that Will is clearly forgetting about season 1 when he was in love with his best friend's wife (Coach Tanaka and Emma, anyone?). Only that was way worse, because it's obvious Finn doesn't really love Emma, he's just a sad, lost little boy who has failed at everything he's ever done, including football, acting, being engaged, the Army, getting back with Rachel and Sectionals. But if Will just wants to pout like a baby, that's fine too.

They do a classic boy band feud of 'N Sync's "Bye, Bye, Bye" vs. "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys (I'm totally on Team BSB). I'm guessing they only chose these two so Will could repurpose the sex swing he bought for his honeymoon as an elaborate marionette set piece so he could recreate the 'N Sync dance. In a seriously confusing bit of editing, the performance is spliced with what I assume are fantasy sequences of Will and Finn physically fighting on stage. Was that necessary? I think the subtext was pretty clear.

When it's over Finn is happy and wants to hug it out, but Will isn't willing to forgive quite yet. Dude, get over yourself. You're still with Emma and you claimed last week you two were better than ever, so just take it as a compliment that a strapping teenage boy like Finn finds your girlfriend hot.

Santana vs. Brody

First of all, Rachel goes to the doctor and learns she's not pregnant, it was a false positive. Lame. SO LAME! Why do I even bother caring at this point, because every time Glee leaves us with a cliffhanger (Quinn's car accident), they immediately undo any potential consequences or fallout and act like it never happened. This is the show that cried wolf.

On the bright side, they don't wuss out with Brody, because he is ACTUALLY  a male prostitute, hanging out at a fancy hotel lobby which is apparently where every single New York City escort hangs out.

Santana is still on the warpath to destroy Brody, even though Rachel isn't on board. So she steals his pager when he's in the shower and stalks him at NYADA (where he's still the TA for Cassandra July, a name I thought I'd never hear again). Santana then confronts him the only way she knows how: through a wonderfully choreographed version of Paula Abdul's "Cold Hearted" on scaffolding that just happens to be in the room.

Rachel and Kurt are not impressed and decide to kick Santana out of the apartment. Luckily she got a job at Coyote Ugly and met Lena Dunham at Barney's, so she'll be just fine.

Even better, Santana arranges an anonymous appointment with Brody at the Sex Hotel and when he comes in, he begs her not to tell Rachel. Don't worry, Santana has something worse in mind. Finn walks out (God bless his teleporter) and Santana lets Rachel's ex deal with the man whore.

And they do as the two guys brawl, literally, breaking tables and lamps until Finn punches Brody and demands that the whore never talks to his "future wife" again. Great job, Finn, because there's nothing women find sexier than uncontrollable rage.

Sue vs. Blaine

Sue wants Blaine back on the Cheerios because he signed a contract after joining them for one day when New Directions lost Sectionals. Blaine refuses, so naturally Sue puts cement in his hair gel and has a plane fly past the school with a sign saying "Blaine is on the bottom," which he says isn't even true (thanks for answering the question that no one dared to ask, Glee writers).

This, of course, leads to a sing-off inspired by the Mariah Carey vs. Nicki Minaj "feud" on American Idol (hooray for cross-program FOX synergy!). This requires Sue to act like an absolute nutjob, even moreso than usual, because even Glee knows that Minaj is a joke. The performance features feathers, wigs, the Cheerios and glow in the dark outfits.

It comes to a vote and everyone (except Tina) sides with Sue, meaning Blaine is now a Cheerio again. If you're like me, you probably wondered why the heck everyone in New Directions would vote that way, knowing it would sentence Blaine to a life of servitude. Well, it turns out that was Sam and Blaine's plan all along, making Blaine a mole who can try and take down the Cheerios from the inside. I guess Blam isn't happy unless they're trying to take someone down.

Ryder vs. Unique

The final feud is between these two Glee Project alums. It began because Unique is BFFs with Marley and she doesn't like that Ryder is trying to break up Jarley. But it grows from there because Ryder refuses to call Unique a girl. In Ryder's defense, this is a slightly confusing area since Unique dresses like both at different times. I know we're supposed to be all progressive and say that you can be anything you want to be, but biologically, Wade Adams is male.

Still, with a little help from Ryder's new Internet girlfriend (what happened to Neck Brace Cheerio?), he learns to accept Unique for who SHE is. It's slightly undercut when Unique tells the story of being chased by a pack of mean girls, but Ryder, Jake, Marley and even Kitty promise to have Unique's back, because the new kids need to stick together. Sorry guys, I've tried supporting you, but the hardcore shipper fans will never allow you to be the stars of Glee. Just accept that all five of you are credited as guest stars in the opening credits for a reason.

Oh yeah, and Jake and Marley are kinda, sorta willing to forgive Ryder for kissing her. And we're left in the dark about Ryder's Internet girlfriend. I definitely got the impression they were pulling a Catfish-style Tuiasosopo storyline on him and it's gonna turn out the Internet girl is actually Unique, but I'm not sure because, if that was the case, why not just tell us this week? Oh, that's right, because the Glee writers enjoy messing with us.

Next week on Glee: Everyone gives into their guilty pleasures, including Blam doing Wham. And Rachel finds out her boyfriend is a gigolo.

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(Image courtesy of FOX)