'Glee' Recap: Brittany's Downward Spiral
'Glee' Recap: Brittany's Downward Spiral
John Kubicek
John Kubicek
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
When Glee announced it was doing another Britney Spears tribute episode, I'm not sure this is what the newest judge on The X Factor had in mind. The show takes direct aim at Britney's dark period by having Brittany recreate those bad days of stuffing her face with Oreos, shaving her head and beating the paparazzi with umbrellas.

The result is a wonderfully silly and hilarious Brittany storyline that is genuinely entertaining. I wish they did more of these episodes, because every time Brittany is the star, Glee is at its best (by which I mean, it's ACTUALLY funny).

I wish I could say the same for the rest of the show. Rachel's plot still feels like it exists in a totally different show and the writers are sadly reusing old storylines, namely the dull Quinn-Finn-Rachel love triangle from season 1.

Brittany Hits Rock Bottom

"Britney 2.0" opens with none other than Brittany S. Pierce, doing a voiceover (out loud) about how her second senior year will be amazing because she's "Vice Rachel" of New Directions and is planning a Middle East-style sham election to repeat as senior class president.

That comes crumbling down when Sue Sylvester reveals that she's no longer giving Brittany a free ride for her terrible grades (including the brand new F minus). She's no longer co-captain of the Cheerios and she must give up her high pony and her uniform.

Brittany, now in a large t-shirt, jeans and with a box of Oreos continually entering her mouth, needs to get her mojo back, so Will brings back Britney Spears week. But just listening to a bunch of odd covers of Britney songs doesn't do the trick, and things get even worse when Brittany almost shaves her head (it's not worth having hair if you don't have a high pony). Then she beats Jacob Ben Israel with an umbrella when he hounds her about her downward spiral, leading to a random student screaming "Leave Brittany alone!"

Things get worse when Brittany decides to lip sync for the Back to School assembly performance. It goes hilariously bad as Brittany stumbles around the stage eating cheese puffs she's conveniently stored on the back of Artie's wheelchair.

The ruse is revealed and Will is furious because New Directions could be banned from competing for lip syncing at a pep rally (man, those show choir rules are HARSH).

Brittany quits New Directions, but she has a heart-to-heart with Sam who says he knows Brittany is just trying to hit rock bottom so she can make a triumphant comeback, just like Britney Spears. Between this and his chat with Marley last week, Sam has become the group's fixer, solving problems left and right.

He promises to be Brittany's new BFF since she misses Santana so much. I was definitely picking up some chemistry between these two, and even though I love Brittana, I'm kind of rooting for Brittany and Trouty Mouth to hook up. It would certainly be an easy threesome for him.

Jake and Marley

Unique decides that she and Marley are BFFs who talk about boys. Marley likes Jake, but Unique warns her that he's a womanizer (cue the Britney performance). But Marley ignores her advice because, like all naïve, stupid women (and Mr. Schuester), she thinks she can change him.

Kitty's goons are still mocking Marley's mom, but Jake beats them up when they refuse to apologize. See, he's doing bad things, but for good reasons!

Will drags Jake into the choir room for a big speech from none other than Puck. Yes, for some reason Puck came all the way back to Ohio from Los Angeles for the sole purpose of giving the half-brother he never knew about a two-minute pep talk. Try not to think too hard about it.

Puck explains that having a threesome when he was 7 or beating up a police horse didn't make him a man, singing stupid songs with a bunch of losers did. I guess that's considered tough love.

It works and Jake joins the glee club. Marley is happy, but not so much when she learns Jake and Kitty are dating. Ugh. NO! Seriously, Glee writers, you're going to rehash the Quinn-Finn-Rachel love triangle? Would it kill you to have an original idea? The worst part is that the Jake/Kitty relationship doesn't even make sense.

Rachel Gets Sexy

On the Glee spin-off that didn't actually get spun off, Cassandra July tells Rachel she's not sexy enough to do a tango, and this makes Rachel pout. But she shouldn't since she and Kurt land a massive studio apartment for just $1,800 a month. It's so big they literally ride bikes inside.

Kurt offers some random exposition on Cassandra (she was a hot Broadway star before beating an old man with a baseball bat for not turning off his phone during a performance).

Rachel asks Brody for help proving how sexy she is by choreographing a super steamy version of "Oops I Did It Again" that gets lost in a haze of fog and awful lighting that turns everyone into mere shadows.

Like McKayla Maroney, Cassandra is not impressed. Rachel snaps and says Cassandra is just a jealous has-been YouTube joke, which gets her kicked out of class.

But then Rachel comes back and Cassandra reveals she's being so hard on Rachel because Broadway is a tough business and she's just trying to prepare her student for the harsh reality. So now Cassandra is a good, supportive teacher? Can we just skip to the part where Glee reveals she had an affair with Brody? Because I'm pretty sure that's where we're going.

Anyway, Brody shows up to Rachel and Kurt's loft that night to try and kiss her, but she stops him because she is still thinking of Finn. How many episodes can Rachel resist Brody's advances? My guess is less than one.

Next week on Glee: Sarah Jessica Parker arrives as Kurt's new boss. And student council elections involve Sam stripping. God bless democracy in action!

(Image courtesy of FOX)