'Game of Thrones' Recap: Don't Mess with the Mother of Dragons
'Game of Thrones' Recap: Don't Mess with the Mother of Dragons
John Kubicek
John Kubicek
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
Daenerys Targaryen is a bad-ass. Actually, no. After this week's episode of Game of Thrones, "bad-ass" doesn't accurately describe how amazing this woman is. Not only does the Mother of Dragons get her army, but she commits an awesome double cross and comes out stronger than ever. If Game of Thrones ends with anything other than Daenerys Targaryen sitting on the Iron Throne (preferably with Jon Snow as her husband or Hand), I will be disappointed.

The Dragon Double Cross

Daenerys brings Kraznys her biggest dragon in exchange for the Unsullied as her army. Once she is clear on the fact that the deal is done and the Unsullied are hers, a series of monumentally kick-ass things go down.

First, Daenerys reveals that she speaks fluent Valyrian, it's her native tongue, and so she's understood every insult Kraznys has thrown at her. Second, she commands the Unsullied to turn on their former masters and kill them all. Third, she reveals that dragons aren't slaves and gives the order for her pet to burn Kraznys alive.

If you didn't cheer out loud a thousand times during these scenes, you're not a true Game of Thrones fan, because after three episodes where not much has happened, season 3 just got real.

Finally, as if to prove she's truly a great leader, she proclaims that all of the Unsullied are free and, if they wish to leave, they can and no harm will come to them. If they want to fight in her army, they will do it by choice. After a brief silence, one Unsullied starts to bang his spear on the ground. Then he's joined by another. And another. Soon all 8,000 plus are banging their spears in support, marching to war. Seriously, who or what could possibly compete with Daenerys, her massive Unsullied army and her three dragons?

Varys Gets His Groove Back

The Daenerys ending alone made this episode great, but we also got to see Lord Varys back in action, which is always entertaining. He tells Tyrion the story of how he became a eunuch (it involves a red priest buying him and slicing and burning his privates to communicate with the one true fire god). This is where his belief (and hatred) of magic comes from. Luckily, he seems to have the priest who did the cutting trapped in a box. Well, not so lucky for the person in the box.

Next on his agenda, Varys meets with Ros for the 411 on Littlefinger and Sansa, where he learns that Littlefinger procured a second feather bed for his trip to Lysa Arryn's castle, meaning he's taking Sansa with him. He also learns from the whores' mouths that Tyrion's servant, Podrick, is indeed such a miraculously gifted lover that the prostitutes refused payment for the time of their lives. Is Podrick's lady-pleasing ability going to become a major plot point this season?

Finally, Varys meets with Olenna Tyrell, Margaery's grandmother, to talk smack about Littlefinger and suggest they form an alliance to help Sansa out. Luckily, they seem to be on the same page as Margaery and myself on how best to accomplish this.

Margaery's Plans

While planning for the big royal wedding, Joffrey takes his bride-to-be on a tour of where and how all the Targaryens were murdered in the castle. She pretends to enjoy this adventure, because Joffrey has this idiotic grin on his face as he describes the death and chaos. Cersei isn't so pleased that Margaery is stealing her boy away from her, but Tywin Lannister is quite happy that at least one woman knows how to manipulate Joffrey since Cersei has done such a terrible job at it. I'm pretty sure that's a subtle dig about how, if Cersei was a better mother, Joffrey wouldn't have beheaded Ned Stark and there would be no war.

In addition to planning her own wedding, Margaery has another marriage in mind. She befriends Sansa and even suggests that if Sansa were to marry Loras Tyrell, they could be sisters. Woohoo, I totally called this Sansa-Loras 'ship as soon as it started, and I'm happy to see everyone else agrees with me.

One-Handed Jaime

Things are just awful for Jaime right now. After having his hand chopped off last week, he's wearing it around his neck, passing out from dehydration, being forced to drink horse urine, and is generally mocked and knocked around by everyone. At least Brienne seems to take pity on him when she's not busy calling him a woman (which, to her, is the greatest insult).

Theon's Not-So-Great Escape

Theon and his mysterious savior wander around while Theon has a deep emotional breakthrough. He realizes his own father hates him and that, even though he was a prisoner of the Starks, Ned Stark was his true dad and he acknowledges that turning on Winterfell was a mistake. Even worse, it seems his "savior" was just messing with him, because he brings him right back into the castle and hands Theon back to the people torturing him, who may or may not be his father's men. Four episodes in and we still have no clue who's torturing Theon Greyjoy? Can we please answer this mystery already, because it's driving me nuts.

The Trial of the Hound

Arya, Gendry and the Hound get taken to the headquarters of the Brotherhood Without Banners, which is just a cave. There we learn that these nutjobs worship the Lord of Light and that their leader is Beric Dondarrion, the man sent to capture and kill the Mountain on the orders of Ned Stark and Robert Baratheon. So clearly he hasn't made much progress in almost two whole seasons.

They accuse the Hound of many crimes against children, but he denies all of them, demanding that if they want to kill him, do it for something he did. Arya speaks up about how the Hound killed her friend during that early season 1 squabble with Joffrey (man, that feels SOOOOOO long ago). As such, the Hound will face trial by combat, and his opponent is Beric.

The Night's Watch Rebellion

The men of the Night's Watch aren't happy that Craster is a creepy old dude who won't give them any of his food. Things get really bad, and then a massive revolt begins. Someone kills Craster, another person kills Lord Commander Jeor Mormont and all hell breaks loose. Samwell is barely able to escape, but he brings Gilly and her new baby along with him. The fact that the Night's Watch just imploded is going to make Mance Rayder's plan a whole lot easier.

Overall, this was, without a doubt, the best episode of season 3 and the first sign that things are really going to start happening. The most amazing part is that this all happened without Robb Stark or Jon Snow.

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(Image courtesy of HBO)