'Game of Thrones' Recap: Bear Fight!
'Game of Thrones' Recap: Bear Fight!
John Kubicek
John Kubicek
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
This week Game of Thrones turned into a bit of a romantic soap opera. Jaime Lannister proved that he would do anything for love, even fight a bear. Robb Stark got some joyous news after some naked, sexy time with his wife. Tyrion and Sansa both came to grips with their impending marriage. And Jon Snow and Ygritte bantered like lovestruck teenagers.

In non rom-com news, Gendry learns who his daddy is, Daenerys starts another war and the youngest Stark kids begin new missions. Oh yeah, and I'm pretty sure Theon Greyjoy and Lord Varys might have something in common. Or rather, it's something they both might NOT have.

Jaime and Brienne vs. the Bear

Jaime is finally leaving Harrenhal, but first he promises Brienne that he will honor the deal to free the Stark girls. I genuinely have no idea how this show managed to make Jaime and Brienne the best and sweetest romantic couple on Game of Thrones, but they did.

Jaime is on his way to King's Landing, but when he learns that Brienne is in danger, he goes back for her. And it's a good thing he did, because Locke's idea of a good time is making Brienne fight a bear. It's a tense scene as Jaime jumps into the pit to help her fight and escape, and miraculously, they both survive.

Having beaten the bear, besting Locke is easy enough and, at the end of the episode, Jaime and Brienne ride off to King's Landing together. I realize there's no way those two will have a happy ending, but I hope they do.

A New Stark Child

Robb is on his way to Walder Frey's for Edmure's wedding. He and Talisa get naked and have super hot sex, but he has to get back to planning a war. Wait, is Robb still fighting a war? How is the King in the North supposed to do battle if he's always going to weddings and funerals?

Talisa writes a letter to her mom and drops the bombshell that she's pregnant. Robb Stark is going to be a daddy!

The Tyrion/Sansa Dilemma

Sansa is less than pleased that she went from marrying the pretty Loras Tyrell to having to wed Tyrion the dwarf. Margaery does her best to explain that Tyrion is arguably the least offensive Lannister to be married to and that his history of whoring around might come in handy when it comes to pleasing Sansa in bed. Margaery is such an optimist.

Tyrion is also worried about the wedding, but only because it's probably going to destroy his relationship with Shae. Which it does.

Jon Snow's Rom-Com

Now that Jon Snow and Mance Rayder's army are on this side of the Wall, it's time to spend a week marching to Castle Black. On the way we learn that Orell is jealous because he loves Ygritte. Good luck with that, dude, because not only is Jon Snow super pretty, but apparently he's an amazing lover.

The best scene comes when they see a windmill and Ygritte is AMAZED by the architecture and assumes it must be a king's castle. It's so adorable how little she knows about things south of the Wall. Jon tries to explain things to her and ultimately confides that there's no way for Mance Rayder to win. Based on the fact that a windmill is considered an epic invention, I'd have to agree with him.

The Passion of the Greyjoy

This week Theon gets a little relief when two slutty cheerleader-types untie him, tend his wounds, get naked and grind on his legendary member. It's basically a porno movie.

But then the Torturer comes out to interrupt, because this is just a new and different way to make Theon suffer. The Torturer reveals that he's heard so much about Theon's penis, so he whips out a blade and it seems he's going to cut it off. Ouch. No one (not even Theon) deserves THIS MUCH torture.

Daenerys' New War

Daenerys and her army stumble upon a new city, Yunkai, home to 200,000 slaves. Daenerys "Abraham Lincoln" Targaryen wants to free the slaves, because that's what she does.

She arranges a meeting with a delegate from the city who offers her gold and ships in exchange for leaving them alone. Daenerys counters by agreeing not to kill him if he frees all of the city's slaves. The dude isn't all that interested in the deal, so I guess it's war. He ominously states that he has other friends who will help out his city, but we'll have to wait to see what he's talking about.

In Other News...

There's so much going on that I'll just list other developments off in bullet points.

-Tywin handles his bratty grandson King Joffrey quite well, especially in diffusing Joffrey's worries over Daenerys and her dragons.

-Arya runs away from the Brotherhood Without Banners when they delay taking her to Riverrun, but she gets picked up by the Hound.

-Melisandre takes Gendry to Blackwater Bay and tells him that Robert Baratheon is his father.

-Jojen Reed convinces Bran that they need to travel north of the Wall to find the three-eyed raven and that he's paralyzed as part of some larger plan.

-Osha tells a sad story about how her ex-boyfriend was turned into a White Walker and she burned their hut down to kill him.

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(Image courtesy of HBO)