Flavor of Love

Previously on Flavor of Love 3: Flavor Flav married three women then died. He also eliminated Luscious D for liking dogs and Hotlanta for claiming that Flavor Flav didn't own the mansion they were staying (which he totally doesn't, but whatever).

As this episode begins, Flavor Flav is lamenting the realization that, sooner or later, he will have to dump one of the twins. Meanwhile, Prototype is nervous about Flavor Flav's reckless drinking (meaning she's not long for this show) and Seezinz, for reasons untold, says she is withdrawing herself from the next challenge.

That challenge? The Neverwed Game, in which the ladies compete with their ex-boyfriends, hosted by Arsenio Hall. Let's all take a moment to mourn the downward spiral of his career that led him to this. Remember Coming to America? That movie was great. Anyway, at this moment, I'm suspicious of Seezinz conveniently dropping out of this one, but as we'll see later, her ex still shows up. So maybe Seezinz just found out early what the challenge was and didn't want some secrets exposed.

First up: Thing 1 and her fat ex Calvin, Prototype and her preppie ex Jamal, who Flav thinks looks straight out of The Cosby Show (no wait, that's Malcolm-Jamal). And finally, Tree's hilariously short ex Mark, whom she obviously still cares for.

Tree thinks she's winning when she correctly predicts that Mark found no flaws in her body (does the penis not count?) and that she broke up with him because God told her to. Thing 1 loses when her ex claims they had sex a mere month ago. He clarifies that he counts oral, which doesn't really help the cause.

In round two, Sinceer broke up with Lemuel (great name) because he moved away and he says she's there because she loves Flavor Flav. Black's ex Brian claims she's a psycho stalker only there for fame. Thing 2's ex is Kenneth, 21 years her senior, who she dated for six years. Doing some quick math (which I doubt anyone on this show would bother with), they started dating when she was 19 and he was 40. Not illegal, but certainly not kosher in my book.

Tree is declared the winner and goes on a boring date where Flavor Flav confesses to having a thing for taller women. Back at the house, a mixer is on with all the ex-boyfriends, including Seezinz' ex Reese, who seems like a pretty cool guy. At the party, Thing 2's old man Kenneth calls the host “Flamer Flame.” Ha, I think that's his gay cousin, the Jasper to his Brian from Family Guy.

Prototype sees Flav downing the Hennessey and takes him aside to explain her problem with it, because her biological father was an alcoholic. Is “biological” really necessary? That implies a whole closet full of problems to me. She says she's not ready to date someone who does something she opposes, like drinking and smoking. I get that women need standards, but those are a bit absurd, especially if the man your after is Flavor Flav.

Seezinz takes big fat Calvin aside to investigate more into this oral sex one week before the show started incident. This causes a massive blow-up during which the Things repeatedly spew their venom at Calvin. Poor fat guy, I totally believe him. Meanwhile, Tree is cuddled up with her ex, talking him down from the hole of despair he's in after she broke up with him. After all the fighting, Big Rick comes in with a voice like God and tells everyone to shut the hell up. This show needs more Big Rick.

The ladies go upstairs to get ready for elimination, but the fight continues. It looks like the original girl alliance is broken, as Sinceer and the Things throw Seezinz' bags out of their room.

Flavor of Love 3 Elimination Time! As was expected, Prototype is sent home because Flavor Flav ain't changing for no woman. Then it comes down to Thing 1 and Thing 2, but Flavor Flav only has one clock left. Two Things, One Clock, isn't that the YouTube video everyone's talking about? I wouldn't know, as I'm probably the only person alive who hasn't seen it. Thing 1 (the fat one) is sent home, largely due to her big fat boyfriend who she orally pleasured one week before entering the house.

Next week on Flavor of Love 3: The girls get drunk and go on the radio, and it's revealed Seezinz was on Deal or No Deal and auditioned for America's Next Top Model. Wait, really?


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of VH1)