Previously on Flavor of Love 3
: Flavor Flav
to France. He eliminated Seezinz, but then magically brought Thing 2
Tonight marks both the third season finale and the official series finale for Flavor of Love
. VH1 has officially deemed this the last time Flavor Flav will look for love on TV, so either he finds it tonight, or he's given up hope.
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The “final season finale” starts with Flav and Thing 2 making out. He tells his three queens that in the morning, one has to go. Someone should give these ladies a history lesson, because being a queen in France rarely ends well. Sinceer and Thing 2 are now at odds because of Sinceer throwing her former good friend under the bus as a needy, dependent person. Black backs up Thing 2.
The next morning at breakfast, Flav arrives to eliminate one more lady. He has three tickets: one to Paris, one to Monaco and one to Los Angeles. Thing 2 goes to Paris. Flav then asks Black and Sinceer to explain why they deserve to stay. Sinceer says her whole purpose is to protect Flav from fakers. This leads to an extremely loud shouting match between the two of them that drives Flav slightly mad. He then admits that none of this matters since all he's basing this on is who he feels the most romantically connected with, and that woman is Black. Sinceer leaves with a smile, though underneath she really hates Flav for doing this. In a parting move, Sinceer indicates that he'd better choose Thing 2.
Flav immediately flies Black away to Monaco. They take a long car ride in an old-school automobile and Flav falls asleep. At least he has Black's breasts as pillows. That night they have dinner and he gives her a butt-ugly pink, heart-shaped watch covered in diamonds. Then he pulls out a list of questions for her. She likes to travel for fun, but she doesn't have much of a sense of humor. She can't think of a single joke when he asks. Their evening ends with a night cap, which is reality dating show code for “booty call.” Since she failed, here's my favorite joke (actually, it's my best friend's favorite, but I think it's funny every time she says it):
Why were the Indians the first people in America?
Because they had reservations
It's Thing 2's turn and they take a private jet to Paris. Thing 2 thinks the plane ride is “spectaculous.” I now have a new favorite word for the next week. In Paris, they take a limo and Flav loves poking his head out of the sunroof like a drunken high school student en route to the prom. Thing 2 and Flav take a double-decker bus tour of Paris, and while the Louvre is just OK, the church where Tony Parker married Eva Longoria is the real highlight for these two crazy kids. They kiss at the Eiffel Tower, then he buys her about a million roses.
They arrive at a hotel for dinner, and the concierge's subtitles make it seem as though he has mistaken Flav for Prince. Hold the phone, a Prince dating show would be the best idea ever! Flav gives Thing 2 the same watch he gave Black, which is just tacky. They talk and laugh and then Flav pulls out the list of questions. For fun, she loves to eat, bowl and go to amusement parks. He asks for a joke and he gets two, but only the first is funny:
What did Flav say when two houses fell on him?
Get off me, homes.
He asks her for a night cap, and she refuses. I guess the show needed some way to raise the suspense, because without that move it was a lock. Who am I kidding, since Flavor Flav has said this is the final season and he's looking for real love, of course he's going to choose the woman he has a perfect connection with, even if she didn't want to give away the milk for free.
Flav spends his final moments reflecting on his decision. Does he go with the dull girl with fake breasts and a fondness for putting out, or the woman he has a genuine connection with who isn't a ho?
Flavor of Love 3 Elimination Time
! The show wastes more than 10 minutes before Flav finally does the inevitable and chooses Thing 2. Sorry to sap it of suspense, but if you watched the finale, you know it was really that boring and predictable, especially since he had her flown out on her own just to bring her back into the competition, which kind of indicated that Flavor Flav made his decision a while ago. Flav didn't get his twins, but at least he got one.
Next week: It's the Flavor of Love 3
reunion special. But because the VH1 promo department wanted to ruin the fun, the preview already showed as that Flav is going to get down on one knee and propose marriage. The best we can hope for is that he accidentally proposes to Thing 1
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of VH1)