Previously on Flavor of Love 3: The field of women was narrowed down to five, and the end of this show was in site. Then four new girls were brought in and the Things were split up, so after Prancer was eliminated for confessing to performing sexual acts with Flavor Flav, now there are nine women left. At this rate, the show may never end.

This episode begins with Hotlanta getting a phone call letting her know there's an eviction notice on her door and her family is packing up. I wish I could say I was shocked. Flavor Flav then gives the ladies their next challenge, which involves marrying him. The ladies divide into three teams, and they must write their vows, Flav's vows, and an objection speech to another team.

Thing 1, Thing 2 and Sinceer team up for Team Thing-Scere. Even the team names are misspelled! Seezinz joins up with Hotlanta and Tree for Team Tree-Lanta. That leaves Black, Luscious D and Prototype for Team Black-O-Type. Seriously, I couldn't make these team names up if I wanted to. Blackotype will object to Thing 2. Thingscere will object to Hotlanta, and Treelanta will object to Black. If you don't watch this show, I suggest reading Finnegan's Wake, as it will be easier to understand than this recap.

Black promises to bake Flavor Flav heart-shaped biscuits every morning and friend chicken every night. Tree objects, and acts about 17 kinds of crazy, using weird voices, dipping into her high school Spanish class, and basically raving like a bat out of hell. A drunk Hotlanta is next to get married, and she slurs through her speech. Sinceer politely objects and reads a litany of complaints off her notes. It's delivered poorly, but she nails Hotlanta on her instability and inability to care for her family (ie, the eviction). Flav's only reaction is, “Wooooowwwwwww!”

Finally, Thing 2 vows to marry “William Drake.” Only Flav's real name is “William Drayton.” She goes on to call him her “confident,” when she obviously meant “confidant,” but no ones seems to notice. Prototype offers some sound, reasonable objections, which of course fall on deaf ears. Team Thingscere wins, but to determine the winner of the solo date, the three members must no deliver separate eulogies at a fake funeral for Flavor Flav.

Flavor Flav's Funeral! The man is resting in a leopard-skin lined coffin. Thing 1 gives a eulogy about what a great dad he was, but Dead Flav is so bored he eats a hamburger while in his coffin, causing fits of laughter. Thing 2 talks about Flav's musical importance and Sinceer starts crying while going on about how Flavor Flav paved the way for young black children to feel pride thanks to the song “Fight the Power. Flavor Flav rises from the dead in a scene that would make Ed Wood's heart swell with pride. Sinceer wins.

In a turnaround from last week, the old girls get to interrogate the newbies. They learn Prototype is an alleged model (and manager at Men's Warehouse). They pretty much like Black because she's honest. They hate Luscious D because she knows nothing of Flavor Flav's work. Tree whispers and rambles on, continuing her string of incoherence throughout this episode. Though Sinceer wants to target the strongest player, they eventually side to be fair and tell Flavor Flav that Black is clearly the best choice. Black gets some private make-out time in his room.

The next day, Flavor Flav takes Sinceer on her solo date for a ride in a biplane. This seems like a reward more suited for A Shot at Love. The pilot pretends that the plane is going down, because nothing says romance like fearing for your life. Thet return to the mansion and Flav gets some one-on-one time with the other new girls. Luscious D isn't doing well as she doesn't really want kids because she prefers her dogs. Flav says again that he has seven kids, but wants three more, because I guess he has OCD and thinks 10 is a round number.

Tree doesn't want a one-on-one, because she wants to bring in Hotlanta to rag on her for calling Flavor Flav broke. They go inside, where everyone gangs upon Hotlanta, somehow claiming that she believes Flavor Flav to be broke, yet she's also there to find a sugar daddy. It doesn't occur to anyone that these two allegations are in direct conflict with one another.

Flavor of Love 3 Elimination Time! Luscious D is eliminated because she likes dogs. That just leaves Hotlanta, and Flavor Flav tells her to come get her clock, but when she does, he tells her that her time is up. Oh, that is cold! She lets him know her only regret was trusting him.


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of VH1)