Previously on Flavor of Love 3
: The ladies went on the radio and violated every FCC code imaginable. Sinceer
is an alcoholic (probably), but because Tree
auditioned to be on America's Next Top Model
, she was sent home.
Big Rick delivers the Flavo-Gram announcing the imminent arrival of the families, so the final four are forced to clean up. Flavor Flav
hopes there are no Sister Pattersons in the bunch, which makes me momentarily like Flav, because at least his crazy detector is working. The biggest challenge is the bathroom, because Hotlanta
's drunken vomit has clogged the toilet. Despite the fact that her family isn't willing to come on this silly show, Black
steps up and takes charge of the situation, horrifying as it may be.
's parents arrive and they're perfectly normal. However, its clear Thing 1
got her mom's genes, because when that mama backs up, it sounds like “Beep, Beep, Beep.” Sinceer's dad arrives, and he's just about the coolest dad ever, cracking jokes and asking for a beer.
' parents are next, and they're 100 percent Huxtables. Seezinz' mom immediately bombards Flavor Flav with questions about his intentions, his past relationships, and she raises concerns that he has seven kids but has never been married, asking what will happen if he gets Seezinz pregnant. Its times like this I wish there was a stronger word than “awkward.” Maybe “doubleplusawkward.” When he finally gets an opening, Flav vows that he plans on marrying and settling down with the next woman he has a baby with, otherwise, no babies.
Flavor Flav takes Sinceer, Thing 2 and their parents bowling, which is a quick way to my heart, as I come from a bowling family. Seriously, my brother has bowled a 300. From the shots we get, the dads both seem like pretty solid bowlers. In the realm of doubleplusawkward, Flav makes out with both Sinceer and Thing 2 as their parents watch on.
Later, Seezinz, her parents, and lonely Black go miniature golfing with Flavor Flav. Wow, they managed to find the only two “sports” in existence I love. Seezinz' dad hits a hole in one and both of Seezinz' parents warm up to Flavor Flav. Then he takes Black aside and asks why her family isn't here, and she informs him that her mom is involved in an ugly custody battle and her attorney advised her not to come on the show.
Back at the mansion, Sinceer overhears Thing 2's mom tell her daughter that this is a competition and she can't be friendly with anyone. At dinner, Flavor Flav introduces a special guest: his mother, Mama Anna. She looks like a sweet old church-going lady. Unfortunately, things turn ugly fast.
First, Thing 2's dad tells an incredibly boring and unfunny anecdote about his kids. Then Sinceer's dad goes on a drunken rant, asking Black if she's ever sat down with this many blacks before (because, ironically, Black is the only white person at the table), then he goes off on how none of this matters, because Flavor Flav is just going to get tired of whoever he picks in a couple months and this whole process will start over. And let's be honest, he's just saying what we're all thinking. To calm the waters, Flavor Flav asks all the women to say something nice about each other. Black is very polite and kind. Sinceer takes the opportunity to be a mega-beeyotch and deliver the most passive aggressive backhanded compliment to Seezinz ever.
After the parents leave, Sinceer goes to Flav and throws Thing 2 under the bus, telling him how she's dependent on other people (first her twin sister, now Sinceer). Thing 2 finds out and that friendship is now over.
Flavor of Love 3 Elimination Time
! Seezinz gets the first clock because it's already clear she's going to be the winner. Black gets the second clock, which is good because she's probably my favorite girl left. Down to the final two, Thing 2 and Sinceer get into an awesome shouting match about who follows who. Sinceer gets the last clock, which is good news for Flav as Sinceer says in a confessional that if she was eliminated, she'd sneak back into the house and cut off his testicles.
Next week on Flavor of Love 3
: The final three girls go to France for some French fries and some French kissing. I only took a year of French in college, but I'm pretty sure the only phrase any of these people will use is “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?”
-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of VH1)