Previously on Dirty Sexy Money: Nick received a generous gift from the billionaire who may be connected to his father's death, Patrick decided to run for the Senate and keep his transvestite mistress, Reverend Brian continued to be the best/worst father ever, and in spite of Juliet's feelings, Jeremy went back to doing “the Italian Banker” with Natalie.

FYI, I already looked up the title of this episode, and you'll be happy (or unhappy) to find out that chiavennasca is a type of grape used to make wine, not a sexual position.  Well, maybe it's also a sexual position, but I'm sure of the grape.

Nick (Peter Krause) gets a visit at his office from his family, because he never has time to come home.  Lisa (Zoe McLellan) is a very understanding woman.  Tripp (Donald Sutherland) is a very understanding man, busy dealing with the fact that Letitia (Jill Clayburgh) cheated on him for 40 years with Nick's dad.  He asks the logical question: are all the Darlings his?  She says yes, which he doubts,  Nick shows up and reveals that his dad had repeated meetings with a man known only as "C."  Tripp clues him in to a private detective named Templeton.  The trick is, he's very good and very hidden, so Nick has to go to the titular restaurant in Italy and ask for the titular wine, slightly chilled, to get the PI's services.  That night, he invites his wife for the Italian vacation, promising "No Darlings."  Now if that were true, we wouldn't have an episode.

Tripp is one sneaky guy.  He's having a conversation with Letitia's OB/GYN, blackmailing him with some information about a forged painting to look into his children's true parentage.  When he gets the results, he pulls the bone-headed move of sharing them with Letitia.  He didn't read them, but forces her to tell him herself.  He puts her in her place, and I'm reminded of the fact that Donald Sutherland is one hell of an actor.  He had better get an Emmy nomination for this role.  She agrees to tell him, but we don't get to hear.

As Nick and Lisa arrive at the airport, Karen (Natalie Zea) and Freddy arrive to join the adventure.  That makes one Darling.  Fast forward across the pond, and while Nick and Lisa are cuddling in the morning in bed, Karen rushes in, wanting to hang out.  Karen's obsession with Nick is embarrassing and transparent.  Nick and Lisa go to the restaurant to order the special wine, slightly chilled, and Karen and Freddy pop up.  When Nick goes off to meet with Templeton, Lisa is stuck entertaining her husband's stalker.  She copes the only way she knows how - by getting wasted.  Karen lets it slip that Nick proposed to her when they were 19, which shocks Lisa.  Karen takes pleasure in telling the story, and eventually Lisa storms off.  Nick and Lisa fight back in their room, and that night, Lisa confronts Karen and tells her to back off.

Templeton meets back with Nick, who reveals Nick's father asked the PI to look into Simon Elder, and the  Tripp, at which point the PI washed his hands of it.  Later, Lisa and Nick make up, because they're both level-headed people and have a good marriage.  Nick then tells her all about Templeton and his father.  When Nick gets back to New York, he tells Tripp that his father was looking into him.  While leaving, Nick gets a ride from Simon Elder, the dashing Blair Underwood, who just so happens to have diplomatic license plates, and his license plate number?  the letter "C."

Jeremy (Seth Gabel) is teleconferencing with Natalie while eating some sausage in his bed, shirtless.  She wants to take him to a new bar opening before going to the bathroom.  Because she's sick,  In the morning.  Anyone else see where this is going?  Juliet (Samaire Armstrong) busts in and accuses him, but he denies it.  She got him an early birthday present (it's still three weeks away, just in time for November sweeps), renting out Hayden Planetarium.  He's so excited, like a giddy little school boy, and it's adorable, as is everything involving these two characters together.  In exchange, she wants her twin brother to take her to a bar opening, and of course, it's the same one.  The next day, he tries to cover by renting out a theater to see Babes in Toyland on the same night as the bar opening, but she doesn't want it.

They go to the bar, and while Juliet is having fun, Jeremy is texting Natalie.  They sneak into the bathroom, and while making out in the toilet, someone else walks in.  While Natalie is open to a bathroom three-way, Jeremy fears that it's his sister, which turns off Natalie in a big way.  The next morning, Jeremy gets jealous when he sees a photo in the newspaper of Natalie kissing some actor.  She apologizes to him, the naughty way.  Juliet walks in and lets loose a scream that rocks the house.  She's mortified, but Jeremy stands by his new girl, and Juliet leaves, offended.  Natalie leaves to the bathroom, sick again.  In the morning.  That night, Jeremy tries to apologize to his sister, saying he loves Natalie.  Jeremy shares a sweet moment with Natalie about his love for the stars.  They say they love each other, and she tells us what we already know - she's pregnant.

Reverend Brian (Glenn Fitzgerald) is fathering his illegitimate child, who got beat up.  The reverend tells him to fight back, like any man of God would.  Dropping his son off at school, Rev. Brian sees the bully, and it's a big girl.  He tells his son to be a man, and when he leaves, the bully approaches and scares the crap out of Brian Jr.  That night at a fancy family dinner, the reverend tells a sad story about how he never fit in anywhere, which is why he joined the clergy.  Tripp notes that the Swedish orphan peppers his food just like Brian used to.  Next time Rev. Brian drops off his son, Brian Jr. blackmails his father to stop the bully or else he'll tell the reverend's wife the truth.  Rev. Brian puts the fear of God into her, literally, telling her she'll burn in Hell for eternity if she's not nice to Brian Jr.  That works, and it's awesome.  He's quickly rivaling the twins to become  my favorite character on the show.


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of ABC)